* CANTONMENT TALES* *INSPECTION OF THE WET CANTEEN*
* By Col (Retd) TN Raman* *The Wet Canteen or Bania Canteen or the Bania Shop is an institution by itself in every Regiment, Battalion or Army establishment. The Unit Bania and his staff are the real Camp Followers, trailing with the Unit where ever it moves. They will be with the Unit, during peace tenure, while in exercise or Practice Camp, and on some occasions during war also. The Unit Bania will be well conversant with the Regimental History, mostly through memory than of any written records. The one exception being the money owed to him by the Officers, Junior Commissioned Officers (JCO) and the Other Ranks (OR), where he will produce the written chits signed by them. The setting of this narration is in the period of 1960s.* *Sarma was a newly commissioned Second Lieutenant, posted to the Unit, which was in a peace Station. As was the custom, he was to get familiar with all the Regimental Institutions. At the end of the week, the Adjutant asked him whether he had visited the Wet Canteen. Sarma said, ‘No Sir’. * *“ Damn it, how dare you ignore the most vital place of the Jawans of the Unit ! Visit it and give me a Report”. * *Sarma decided to visit the place immediately. It was around 12 noon.* *When he reached the Wet Canteen, the Bania himself was present at the entrance to receive him. “ Saheb, just now I got the message that you are coming for Inspection. If there are any short comings kindly excuse. We will rectify them within no time.”* *Sarma was surprised. “ Who told you that I am coming?” * *“ Sir, the CO’s (Commanding Officer) Stick Orderly”* *Sarma realised that the orders of the Adjutant were not confidential, since the CO’s Office was next door to the Adjutant’s. The Stick Orderly could hear what was happening in the Adjutant’s Office. On top of it he noticed a Field Telephone from the Unit Exchange placed near the Bania’s table.* *Sarma looked around the place. It was a fairly big hall, with about 10 steel folding tables and folding chairs laid out neatly. The place where the Bania sat also had similar furniture. On the wall above his chair there was a four in one painting of the emblems of Hindu, Sikh, Islam and Christian. Above that was that of Lord Krishna.* *There was the hand wash basin, with a jar kept and a bucket full of water. There was a hand towel, which was brand new with its price tag still hanging and a Cinthol Soap, again a brand new one, which was still in its original wrapper. Obviously these items were displayed only for the purpose of inspection and would be redisplayed in the next inspection. There were a lot of flies swarming the area. The Bania could guess the thinking process of Sarma and immediately ordered one of his staff to drive out the flies. That chap took an old Flit Syringe and started spraying the room with it. The flies reluctantly shifted their place from the hall to the kitchen. The Bania immediately alerted his assistant not to spray in the Kitchen. “It is Poisonous , Sir” was the explanation tendered. Then he ordered his assistant to bring hot cup of tea for the Saheb. It was summer in Agra . Sarma thought that a glass of chilled soft drink would be better. The Bania again reading the mind of Sarma said “ Sir I also thought of cold drink, but unfortunately there is no ice available. Believe me Sir, it is always better to drink hot tea in hot summer than the fancy cold bottled drink. See when you suffer from high fever, you drink only hot stuff. Heat wards off heat. Cold attracts more heat.” By that time the tea was served and Sarma started sipping it from a brand new cup. Then he lifted the cup to see whether it also had an unremoved price tag. Bania again could read the mind. “Sir, these cups were purchased during the last inspection by the 2 IC Saheb (Second in Command). Now, you are the first one to use it.”* *Sarma, “ Why the 2 IC did not use it?”* *Bania, “ we gave him cool drink, Sir.” Then adding as if it was an after thought, he said, “Sir, it was winter and the ice was available that day.”* *Sarma then went through the Inspection Register. He found that the 2 IC had visited the Canteen in the month of February, on his taking over that appointment. A JCO had inspected in the month of March, with a remark of ‘EXullant’. Now it was Sarma’s turn in the month of April. Out of curiosity, Sarma went through the past records of inspection. Except for the 2 IC, who endorsed as ‘unsatisfactory’, all the JCOs had written ‘Goad, Vary Goad or Exullant’. All officers had remarked ‘Satisfactory’. The commonality of the spelling mistakes also intruged Sarma. He later learnt that, one Survey JCO, who was supposed to be better educated, by mistake filled in Goad instead of good. Others followed suit. But, ‘Exullant’ was the invention of an AIG (Assistant Instructor in Gunnery). It was rumoured that the AIG had borrowed a lot of money from the Bania. Now the Bania grew slightly impatient. ‘Sir normally officers write ‘satisfactory’. Sarma also wrote the same, because he felt that there was no option. Probably, the tradition of the Unit demanded that. Mind you he was just a week old in the Unit.* *When he was about to leave, the Bania volunteered an important information. “ Sir, the Adjutant is through for the LGSC ( Long Gunnery Staff Course). The Head Clerk told me in the morning.”* *Sarma felt that he had learnt his first lesson in Management, of course, from the most unlikely quarters. At 1 PM he reported to the Adjutant to brief him about his visit to the Wet Canteen. One look at his face, Sarma realised that he was going to be taken to task for not doing his job properly. Then with an artificial smile and as pleasant a look that his face could muster, he blurted out, “congratulations Sir, I just heard the good news that you have been selected for LGSC” The Adjutant’s face immediately mellowed down. With all humility(?) he said, “See there were many B------s, who wanted to cut me down. How can any one pull down a bright officer. After all merit still counts. Is it not?”* *Sarma readily agreed with, “Yes Sir. Now coming to the Inspection of Wet Canteen…….”* *Adjutant said, “ oh, forget it. I know that you would have done a proper inspection.”*
