Something to laugh about... in coming weekend A few good Senior Moments ------------------------------
*An elderly gentleman....* * **Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%* * **The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'* * **The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.* *I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'* ------------------------------ *Two elderly gentlemen** from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'* * **Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'* * **'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'* *'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'* ------------------------------ *An elderly couple** had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.* * **The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'* * **The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'* * **The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?* * **You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'* * **'Do you mean a rose?'* *'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'* ------------------------------ *Hospital regulations** require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he **d**idn't need my help to leave the hospital.* * **After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.* * **On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.* *'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'* ------------------------------ *Couple in their nineties** are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember* *..* * **Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.* * **'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'* * **'Sure..'* * **'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.* * **'No, I can remember it.'* * **'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so** **a**s not to forget it?'* * **He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'* * **'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.* * **Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'* * **Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,* *The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.* *'Where's my toast ?'* ------------------------------ *A senior citizen** said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'* * **'Yep!'* * **'Do I know her?'* * **'Nope!'* * **'This woman, is she good looking?'* * **'Not really.'* * **'Is she a good cook?'* * **'Naw, she can't cook too well.'* * **'Does she have lots of money?'* * **'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'* * **'Well, then, is she good in bed?'* * **'I don't know.'* * **'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'* * **'Because she can still drive!'* ------------------------------ *Three old guys** are out walking.* * **First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'* * **Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'* * **Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'* ------------------------------ *A man** was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'* * **'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?'* *'Twelve thirty..'* ------------------------------ *Morris**, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.* * **A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.* * **A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'* * **Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''* *The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'* ------------------------------ * **One more. . .!* * **A little old man** shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.* * **The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'* * **'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'* * * -- With best wishes S Chander
