RECEIVED FROM A DOC FRIEND FROM RAJAHMUNDRY... *Santa Banta in Pakistan*
Sergeant Santa was pedaling furiously on his bicycle, trying to keep up with Captain Banta. "Sir, Captain Sir, but you just went to the toilet!" "Yeah! So what?" "Then why are you searching for the woods?" "Sergeant! I said 'we were searching for Dawood', and not for the wood, understand?" "Oh! But why are we on bicycles?" Captain Banta heaved a big sigh. "Look here, Santa. We want the element of surprise." "Yes!" said Santa dutifully. "Okay! Then does anyone expect us to attack on bicycles?" "No!" "Exactly! Surprise! Also, remember what happened to the US helicopter in that attack on Osama? One of their helicopters failed to take off, so they had to destroy it. With a cycle, that is not a problem. If it gets punctured, we just wheel it off to the nearest cycle shop and get it repaired. We need not destroy it. At the most we can sell it to the local scrap merchant." Santa nodded his head understandingly. Suddenly Banta shouted, "Look out! There are some Pakistani soldiers ahead. Behave naturally like a Pakistani." Their bicycles were stopped by the soldiers, "Hey, who are you chaps and where are you coming from?" Before Banta could answer, Santa spluttered, "We were just watching Salman Khan's latest film and searching for the wood." Banta gave a killing glare at Santa. But the Paki soldiers smiled and said, "Ah! I liked that movie too, *the way he shakes his trousers, as if he has a cockroach inside. I hear that in his next movie, he moves his hands in his pockets, making it look bigger than a cockroach!* Ha Ha! For a moment there we thought you were Indians, but only Pakistanis watch the latest Hindi movies. We have information that some Indians may come this way to kill Dawood." Santa gave Banta a silly grin. Just as they were passing through, the soldiers suddenly called from behind them, "Halt!" Banta's heart gave a lurch. He turned tremblingly. "Haanji?" "Oh! You were looking for the woods. Just follow this road until you come to a big mansion which says 'Dawood Ibrahim'. Beyond that a few meters away are the woods. Enjoy yourselves! Or rather, relieve yourselves!" Banta sighed with relief and thanked them. When they were out of hearing he turned to Santa and said, "My God! These Pakistanis are just like us!" "Big hearted? But their cricket captain says that only Pakis have a dilated heart." "No silly! Their cops are as inefficient as ours!! But anyway, now we know where Dawood stays. Let's complete our mission." "Look!" said Santa, "I will help you kill Dawood, but I will not take him double seat on this cycle!" "Why will we want to take him double seat after killing him?" "Oh, to give him an Islamic burial at sea, of course. And the sea is quite far from here." "Okay! We will give him an Islamic burial on land! Okay?" "Yes! But I am not digging!" "Why?" "I forgot to get a spade!" "Fine! So we will not bury him Islamic style. We will bury him politician style." "What is politician style?" "Oh we just appoint a committee to look into it. By the time they reach any conclusion, even his bones will have withered away!" At that time a huge ostentatious mansion was visible around the corner. There were flower garlands everywhere and it seemed as if wedding preparations were going on. There were huge banners saying "Dawood's son's nikaah". Santa and Banta came closer. There seemed to be more police and army men than civilians there. "How are we going to get in, Banta sir?" Banta scratched his head. Santa looked at him and asked, "Got an idea, sirji?" "No silly! Got dandruff!" After watching from far for some time, Banta decided that the only way was to brazen it out. He said, "Let's say that we have come from far to shower bull. er blessings on the couple." They straightened out and started walking openly to the gates. A couple of army men stopped them. "Halt! Where do you think you are going?" Banta cleared his throat and said, "We have come from far to shower blessings on the couple." Immediately, the two army men caught them and took them aside. A huge contingent of army men surrounded them. "Ah! So you are the two rascals from India, who have come to kill Dawood." Santa drew himself erect and shouted, "Pakistan Zindabad! Hindustan Zindabad!" The army man nearest to him clamped his mouth and whispered, "Don't shout! We have also seen Gadar, probably before you got to see it! You want everyone to know? Tell us what you brought to kill him?" Banta swaggered and said, "We have brought a brave heart and a lion's courage." "Idiots!" said the Pakistani. "You cannot kill Dawood with a heart. Here take this machine gun!" "What? You are helping us?" "Of course! Do you realize how much it costs us to protect Dawood and provide his family with 24 x 7 security? Almost half of Pakistani GDP goes into that. If you kill Dawood, our economy will get a much needed fillip. Best of Luck! Follow the red carpet!" Santa and Banta couldn't believe their ears. However they hurried after thanking the Pakis. There was Dawood, within range, arranging the decorations. Banta took the gun, which the Pakis had given him and lined up Dawood in his sights. The trigger finger was slowly tightening, when suddenly his mobile started ringing. "Damn!" he said, "Must be a bank asking if I need a loan." "Hello ji, I am busy at the moment, I shall take a loan after some time." "Idiot! This is your commanding officer speaking." "Oh! Good evening sir! I was just completing our mission sir!" "Abort immediately! " "I am sorry sir, my wife is not ready for that!" "Wife? Oh for .. Idiot! Abort the mission! Stop the mission! I hope that you have not shot Dawood yet." "No sir!" "Good! Return without shooting him. Just shoot a few shots with your camera." "But why sir?" "Because with those pictures we can continue our claims that Dawood still lives in Pakistan." "But why not kill him, sir?" "Idiot! He is the only person on our most wanted list, who is actually staying in Pakistan! If we kill him, our list will be ridiculed and finished! All the rest are staying in India." "Okay sir!" said Banta and sadly lowered his gun. -- *ever LAF cheenu@hyderabad 07306069227 http://www.cheenu-goodmorning.blogspot.com/ http://www.youtube.com/user/gansripar#g/u ========================== **SMILE, even through your tears!!!!! *[image: Smiley laughing and crying at the same time]
