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**DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS **Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. **Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' **Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' **------------------------------------------------------------------- **A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' **The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' **--------------------------------------------------------- **'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' **'That's very nice of you, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' **---------------------------------------------------------** **A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' **'Me neither doc,' said the husband. **'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' **-----------------------------------------------------------** **An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. **The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' **The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' **---------------------------------------------------------- **Two Reasons why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: **1. The DNA all matches. **2. There are no dental records. **---------------------------------------------------------- **A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' **The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' **'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. **----------------------------------------------------------** **Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. **'How was he killed?' asked one detective. **'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. **'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' **'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' **----------------------------------------------------------- **Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' **Joe: 'Really?' **Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' **---------------------------------------------------------- **A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. **'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. **'What did he say,' asked the nurse. **'Oops!' **------------------------------------------------------------ **While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. **'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' **'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' **He's still in intensive care. ** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. **The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.' ** ** ** --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** *****
