*Fact or Fiction.....* *~ A Fiction that could well turn into a Fact..... or* *~ A Fact which appears to be a piece of Fiction?* It is worth becoming a Minister for a day, get involved in a scam and spend the rest of my life in a Five Star Tihar Jail. I can never dream such a life. It is worth *Following protests, dharnas and demonstrations by petty thieves and pickpockets who are being displaced to accommodate VIPs, the home ministry has approved a proposal to build an annex to Tihar jail. A twenty acre plot has been identified and the finance ministry has released the first installment of Rs.650 Crores. Global tenders will be opened next week and the entire project will be handled by one of World’s best known architects.* * * *On condition of anonymity, sources revealed some classified info. The Annex will be surrounded by a lush garden with a high security electric fence and a 20 feet high perimeter granite wall. Two floors in the basement will have parking and maintenance facilities for 200 cars. A high capacity generator will ensure uninterrupted power supply round the clock. Every inch of the premises will have CCTV surveillance. The reception area will have a rockery with tropical plants. Polished mahogany scrolls of honour will have names of earlier inmates engraved in letters of gold. There will be separate ones for central ministers and above, state CMs, the judiciary, police (DIG and above), corporate honchos, economic offenders, cheats, con artists, saffron robed fakes and one for miscellaneous category. 12 floors are planned, on top of which 2 helipads will be built so that the honourable inmates can avoid media gaze whenever they arrive or depart. A high speed underground monorail will connect Teen Hazari, **Patiala** House and the PMO. A dedicated line will connect the Supreme Court (to be extended to a private airstrip in Noida, in the second phase).* * * *Behind the main lobby will be the press room equipped with the latest communications, with internet, WiFi and other media facilities. The first floor (just below the whistle blower’s waiting room) will have a bank of ATMs operated by chosen banks in Switzerland, Dubai, Canary Islands and Lichtenstein etc., with machines specially designed to accept locked suitcases. A laser will first scan it for explosives, count the contents and deposit the amount in the chosen currency at desired locations, issue a receipt and send an SMS alert to the depositor. The empty valises will be automatically shredded and scattered in the Yamuna. The upper floor will have a Gym, a heated pool, Jacuzzi and sauna. Fitness freaks like Kalmadi can use the 3 Km jogging track around the main building, constantly watched by Black cat commandos wielding Israeli automatic weapons.* * * *One entire floor of 40,000 S.ft is a **Super** **Specialty** **Hospital**– but not for common colds, cuts and bruises. These days it is common for anyone remanded to judicial custody to complain of chest pain. This wing is equipped to handle 10 such customers at a time. High profile rapists and persons fighting paternity suits have not been forgotten. They can get their DNA profiles done right here, without having to depend on AIIMS. There is plastic surgery cell to give a new personality to politicians who have been kicked in the face by irate citizens and three operation theatres with video conferencing links to top cardiologists and surgeons in various hospitals around the World.* * * *The hospital also has an out-patient enclosure where on Sunday mornings experts offer consultation and counseling to netas who have lost their toungue and remain silent when they should be speaking out on important issues, or lost their nerve and go into hiding fearing arrest, or lost their memory when CBI or ED grills them and also to the assorted loose cannons who talk too much and get into trouble. Olympic class physio-therapy and rehabilitation will be available to badly battered politicians, before they are appointed governors and shifted to Raj Bhavans. * * * *The Bar lounge is on the 5th floor. Stocked with the choicest Single Malts, wines,**Champagnes**, spirits and every known brand of Beer on earth and manned by bartenders brought from **Las Vegas**, it is meant for the inmates to relax and entertain personal guests and visiting well wishers. It has a small disco in a corner for the more energetic ones and a massage parlour.* * * *The inmates are housed in individual cells on four floors which are centrally air-conditioned (each floor will have 20 cells). Each cell will have a small ante room, a study with a laptop with broadband connectivity, bedroom with attached bath (hot and cold shower and a tub) and a pot with a bidet which sprays Eau de cologne on the butt. For those who prefer to cook their own food there is a well appointed kitchenette with a refrigerator, food processor, pop up toaster and a microwave. The cell also has a living room with a home theatre with 60 inch flat screen plasma TV connected to dish net and also a mini-fridge. Latest newspapers in English and vernacular, magazines, periodicals and selected DVDs will be supplied on request.* * * *A truly multi-cuisine food court caters to the foodies. The Andhra Rajus can have Maamsam pulusu and **Paradise** Biryani with Khubani ka Meetha for dessert. The Gujjus, their dhoklas, dhabelis and khandvis, the Kalmadis of maharashtra, zhunka bhakar, poli, pitla or pathal bhaji and Aamras poori in season. The Rajas and Mozhis of tamilianadu idli, vada sambar, kotthu parota, pongal and paper dosa, the bongs can have their hilsa and rossogolla or sondesh. The Reddy’s and Gowdas of Karnataka can have Raagi Mudde and Soppina Saaru or Jolad Rotti and stuffed Brinjal. Then there is the Punjabi Adda in authentic ethnic setting with charpoys on unsteady legs with a slightly wonky plank on top, catering tandoori chicken, sarson da saag and Makki di roti with Malaai lassi in **10 inch** lotaas.. You can also get jain chicken and eggless icecream. A famous international chain called the Fig Leaf has offered to open an Italian restaurant…… just in case.* * * *The Tihar Hilton, to be unveiled by Paris Hilton herself, is to be completed before the current UPA term ends because they do not want BJP to inaugurate it.*
-- With best wishes SC Batra -- With best wishes S Chander
