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Subject: Holy Humor**** **** Four great religious truths: **** ** ** 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. **** 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. **** 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian**** world. **** 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store. **** ** ** ** ** GOOD SAMARITAN **** A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good**** Samaritan. **** She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all**** wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke**** the hushed silence, **** "I think I'd throw up.." **** ** ** ** ** DID NOAH FISH? **** A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of**** fishing when he was on the ****Ark**** ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he,**** with just two worms." **** ** ** ** ** THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD **** A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of**** the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the**** youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about**** the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice,*** * he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were**** scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the **** congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up**** to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's*** * all I need to know." **** ** ** ** ** UNANSWERED PRAYER **** The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused*** * and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she** ** asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so**** observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good*** * sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked. **** ** ** ** ** OTHER MAN’S WIFE**** The Ten Commandments says “Do not Wish for Other Man’s Wife” not the other** ** way around.**** ** ** ** ** BEING THANKFUL **** A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your*** * prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"*** * The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" **** ** ** ** ** ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS **** When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every**** family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).. For**** several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would**** say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to**** include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,**** "Kelli, why do you always add the part about **** all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers*** * by saying 'All Men'!" **** ** ** ** ** SAY A PRAYER **** Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his**** Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food**** was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started**** eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said**** his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his**** mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."**** "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house**** and she knows how to cook. **** ** ** ** ** THE BIBLE **** Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache.**** When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints.**** Let's read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day**** he'll have a stroke and **** never wake up. And did you also know that when you are about to forward**** this email to others, The devil will discourage you but forward it**** anyway. ****
