http://archives.dawn.com/weekly/images/archive/090104/images4.htm
*NAKED LUNCH: Blow Daddy* * By Nadeem F. Paracha* Published by Pakistan's leading English Daily - DAWN Son: Daddy? Dad: Yes, son. Son: Are we going to have a war with India? Dad: Perhaps. Son: Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857! Dad: It wasn't in 1857, son. Son: Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857? Dad: The British, son… Son: And the Hindus too, right? Dad: Well… Son: Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan? Dad: No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before. Son: Then who ruled Pakistan in those days? Dad: There was no Pakistan in those days, son. Son: But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years! Dad: Who have you been talking to, son? Son: No one. I've just been watching TV. Dad: It figures. Son: Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs? Dad: Arabs? But we aren't Arabs, son. Son: Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs! Dad: No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock. Son: Sub-what? Dad: Never mind. You seem to like wars, son. Son: Yes. I like to watch them on TV. Dad: But real wars are fought outside the TV, son. Son: Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that? Dad: Never mind. Son: Daddy, you look worried. Dad: Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk! Son: Daddy! Why are you scolding me? Dad: Because TV is talking rot and so are you! Son: Daddy, are you supporting Hindus? Dad: No! Son: Daddy, have you become a kafir? Dad: Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD. Son: Can't do that. Dad: But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son. Son: Not any more. Dad: What do you mean? Son: I burned them all. Dad: What?! Son: I burned them all. Dad: I heard that! But why? Son: They spread obscenity. Dad: Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on? Son: It's almost complete. Dad: Good boy. What are you making? Son: A bomb. Dad: What?! Son: A bomb. Dad: I heard that! But why? Son: Because I am a true Muslim who hates America. Dad: But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land. Son: That's different. Dad: How come? Son: Mickey Mouse is Muslim. Dad: No, he isn't. Son: Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon. Dad: On the moon? Son: Yes. Because the earth is flat and… Dad: What?? Son: The earth is… Dad: I heard that! Son: Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not? Dad: Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you. Son: No, she won’t. Dad: Really? Son: Yes. I plan to blow her up as well. Dad: God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother! Son: She can't come. Dad: Why not? Son: I've locked her in the kitchen. Dad: But what for? Son: A woman's place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up properly! Dad: But she's your mother! Son: She's also a woman! Dad: So? Son: So she should be hidden. Dad: Hidden from whom? Son: The whole world and Tony. Dad: Tony? Son: Yes, Tony. Dad: But Tony's a cat. Son: Yes. But he's male. Dad: Son, have you gone mad? Son: No. By the way, I've made sure Kitto starts covering up as well. Dad: Kitto? Son: Yes, Kittto. Dad: But Kitto's a cat! Son: Yes. But a female cat. Dad: But she'll suffocate. Son: Oh, she's already dead. Dad: What? Son: She's already dead. Dad: I heard that! But how? Son: I buried her alive. Dad: You what? Son: Yes. To avenge Tony's honour. But now I will behead Tony. Dad: But why? Son: To save mom's honour! Dad: Oh, God! Son: Don't say that. Always say Allah. Dad: What's the difference? Son: Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too? Dad: No! Son: Do you want to be stoned to death? Dad: No! Son: Do you want to be flogged? Dad: No! Son: Do you want to get your arms chopped off? Dad: No! Son: Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won't call you daddy anymore. Dad: What will you call me then? Son: Whatever that is Arabic for daddy. Dad: I don't know any Arabic, son. Son: That's because you are a kafir. Dad: Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit! Son: What's a fascist? Dad: An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man! Son: W... aaaaaaa... Dad: Why are you crying? Son: You scolded me. Dad: Okay, I'm sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV. Son: I have no books. Dad: Of course, you do. I bought you so many books. Son: I burned them. Dad: What? Son: I burned them. Dad: But why? Son: They were all in English. Dad: So? Son: It's a non-Muslim language! Dad: But we are speaking English, aren't we? Son: W... aaaaaaa… Dad: What now? Son: Zionists made me forget my Arabic. Dad: But you never knew any Arabic, son. Son: W... aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa… Dad: Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour? Son: Sure, dad. Dad: Can you blow up something for me? Son: Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...? Dad: No, no, something a lot more sinister. Son: Mom? Dad: No, no… Son: What then? Dad: The TV set! Son: What? Dad: Blow the TV set. Son: I heard that! But why? Dad: Just do it! Son: I see. Dad? Dad: Yes. Son: You're so unconstitutional! -- With best wishes S Chander -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Thatha_Patty" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.
