Pranam
The wedding conducted all over the world by certain customs is
procedural and in the weddings of religions ( I always hold there is no
word Hinduism in our system and Sanathana dharma is a way of life not a
religion so anything that started from Egypt assyria and buddhism alone
religion that are conditional started) there is a contract between a man
and a woman hence the contractual obligations can be violated also.
Humanism is a new concept there but Dravida parties named it as SUYA
MARIYADAI WEDDING OR SELF-RESPECT WEDDINGS HERE. Weddings in the world
including at present in India too, young think as a game of dice without
any maturity, though pretend as if they are strong in their know-how. But
right from Caravaka time, the way of life was well thought about by our
scientists analysing the human folly and strength and devised 8 types of
marriages, one of which is seen today in any part of the earth, in
different names. Not only that the epics and the Puranas speak samples of
such marriages too to understand the pros and cons of such ,arriages.
Living together is not a new concept and Dushyantan and Sakuntala proved it
where the pain always went to the ladies.
Not all *eight* approved by The Scripture. The last four were not
advocated and the last one was condemned. These are: Brahma *Marriage*,
Daiva *Marriage*, Arsha *Marriage*, Prajapatya *Marriage*, Gandharva
*Marriage*, Asura *Marriage*, Rakshasa *Marriage*, Paishacha *Marriage*.
The dharmasastras, including the Manusmrti, mention eight forms of
marriage. *Brahmo-daivastathaivarsah **prajapatya-statha 'surah*
*Gandharvo raksasascaiva **Paisavastamah smrtah **----Manusmrti, 3. 21 *The
eight types are: brahma, daiva, arsa, prajapatya, asura, gandharva, raksasa
and paisaca.
After the student bachelor has completed his gurukulavasa, his parents
approach the parents of a girl belonging to a good family and ask them to
give away their daughter in marriage to their son--to make a gift of their
daughter (kanyadana) to him. A marriage arranged like this is *brahma*. In
it this girl's family does not give any dowry or jewellery to the boy's
family. There is no "commercial transaction" and the goal of a brahma
marriage is the dharmic advancement of two families. Of the eight forms of
marriage the dharmasastras regard this as the highest.
Marrying a girl to a rtvik (priest) during a sacrifice is called* "*
*daiva* <http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#DAIVA>*".*
The parents, in this type, after waiting in vain for a young man to turn up
and ask for their daughter's hand, go looking for a groom for her in a
place where a sacrifice is being conducted. This type of marriage is
considered inferior to brahma. In the sastras womanhood is elevated in that
it is the groom's family that has to seeking bride for their son.
The third form, *"arsa" *suggests that it is concerned with the rsis,
sages. It seems the marriage of Sukanya to Cyavana Maharsi was of this
type. But from the dharmasastras we learn that in arsa the bride is given
in exchange for two cows received from the groom
<http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#GROOM>. If the
term is taken to mean "giving away a girl in marriage to a rsi", we must
take it that the girl is married off to an old sage because the parents
could not celebrate her marriage according to the brahma rite at the right
time. The fact that cows are taken in exchange for the bride shows that the
groom does not possess any remarkable qualities. According to the sastras,
in marriages of noble kind there is no place for money or anything smacking
of a business transaction.
In *prajapatya* there is no trading and kanyadana is a part of it as
in the brahma ceremony. But from the name prajapatya it must be inferred
that the bride's menarche is imminent and that a child must be begotten
soon after the marriage. For this reason the bride's father goes in search
of a groom, unlike in the brahma type. The brahma type is a better type of
marriage than prajapatya since, in it, the groom's people go seeking a
bride who is to be the Grahalaksmi of their household.
In the *asura t*ype the groom is in no way a match for the girl, but
her father or her relatives receive a good deal of money from the man who
forces them to marry her to him
<http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#HIM>. In arsa in
which cows are given in exchange for the bride there is no compulsion. Nor
is the groom wealthy or powerful like his counterpart in the asura type.
Many rich men must have taken a second wife according to the asura type of
marriage.
The next is* gandharva.* The very mention of it calls to mind Sakuntala
and Dusyanta
<http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#SAKUNTALA%20AND%20DUSYANTA>.
The gandharva type is the "love marriage" that has such enthusiastic
support these days.( living together}
In the *raksasa* form the groom battles with the girl's family,
overcomes them and carries her away. It was in this manner that krsna
Paramatman married Rukmini.
The eighth and last is *paisaca.* In asura even though the girl's
willingness to marry the man is of no consequence, at least her people are
given money. In raksasa, though violence is done to the girl's family, the
marriage itself is not against her wish. Rukmini loved Krsna, did she not?
In paisaca the girl's wish does not count, nor is any money or material
given to her parents. She is seized against her wish and her family
antagonised.
We have the brahma type at one end and the paisaca at the other. There
cannot be the same system or the same arrangement for everybody. Our
sastras have taken into account the differences in temperament and attitude
among various sections of people and it is in keeping with the same that
they have assigned them different rites, vocations, etc. All our present
trouble arises from the failure on the part of men, who advocate the same
system for all, to recognise this fact.
There are tribals living in the forests who look fierce and have a
harsh way of life. But at heart they may be more cultured than townspeople,
not to speak of the fact that they are useful to society in many ways. They
have frequent family feuds. In consideration of this raksasa and paisava
marriages may have to be permitted in their case. After the marriage, they
are likely to forget their quarrels and live in peace with each other.
Ksatriyas who are physically strong and are used to material pleasure are
allowed the gandharva form of marriage and their girls have even the right
to choose their husbands as in the svayamvara ceremony.
It is for these reasons that the dharmasastras, which are based on
the Vedas and which constitute Hindu law, permit eight forms of marriage.
In all these eight, the bride and groom have the right to be united in
wedlock with the chanting of mantras. But brahma is the highest of the
eight forms. In it the bride must not have attained puberty. "Pradanam prak
rtoh": -- this statement is in the dharmasastras themselves. A girl's
marriage, which has same significance for her that the upanayana has for a
boy, must be performed when she is seven years old (or eight years from
conception)
The marriage mantras are intended for all the eight forms. It means
that they are employed even in the marriage rite of girls who have attained
puberty. The two mantras " Somah prathamo vivide Gandharvo vivida uttarah
Trtiyo Agnistepatih Turiyastemanusyajah. Somo dadad gandharvaya Gandharvo
dadadagna; ye Rayincapputramscadad Agnirmahyamatho imam - Rigveda, 10.
85,// 40. 41"- are recited in all the eight types of marriage. They are
addressed by the groom to the bride who comes to him after she has attained
puberty and after she has been under the guardianship successively of Soma,
gandharva and Agni. The mantras are chanted not only in brahma marriages
but also in all other forms. The same are addressed by the groom to his
child bride also. Though his marriage is being solemnised to the child
bride now, he will start living with her only after she comes of age, after
she becomes a young woman. He will bring her home to live with him only
after she has come successively under Soma, gandharva and Agni. So he
chants the mantras in advance.
This is our reply to the school of opinion represented by the Rt
Hon'ble Srinivasa Sastri. If the mantras in question are chanted at the
time of the marriage of girls who have come of age, it does not mean that
all marriages are to be celebrated after the girls have attained puberty.
According to the brahma form of marriage, the *girl must not have had her
menarche.* There is incontrovertible proof for this in the Vedic mantra
chanted at the end of the marriage rite,
<http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#MARRIAGE%20RITE>Matacihatesu
kurusvatikya saha jayayosastirha Cakrayana ibhya-grame pradranaka uvasa.-
Chandogya Upanisad, 1. 10. 1.
I told that a girl is under the sway of a gandharva between the time
she is able to wear her clothes without anybody's help and her menarche.
His name is Visvavasu. The mantra I referred to is chanted by the groom
addressing this demigod. "o Visvasu, " it says, " I bow to you. Leave this
girl and go. Go to another girl child. Have I not become the husband of
this girl? So give her over to me and go to another girl who is not married
and lives with her father. " During the wedding the groom performs a puja
to this gandharva and prays to him to free the girl from his control. Here
is proof that the bride is not under Agni and has not had her menarche. The
question now is about the verse (from the Manusmrti) cited by the
reformists. According to it, a girl may wait three years after her menarche
and then seek her husband on her own. There is an answer to this. The
general rule according to the dharmasastras is that a girl must be married
before she attains puberty: "Pradanam prak rtoh. " What happens if this
injunction is not followed? If the groom does not come on his own, seeking
the girl's hand, her father or brother must look for a groom and marry her
off. But if they turn out to be irresponsible or otherwise fail to find a
groom? Or if the girl has no guardian, no one to care for her? The lines
quoted by the reformers from the Manusmrti apply to such a girl. She may
look for a husband on her if none of her relatives, neighbours or
well-wishers take the trouble of finding her a groom even after she has
attained puberty. Though the reformists quote from the Vedas and sastras in
support of their view, they fail to take into account the context in which
the relevant passages occur. They see them in isolation. That is why they
keep arguing that the customs followed by people steeped in our traditions
are contrary to the sastras. In the Chandogya Upanisad there is mention of
a sage called Cakrayana Usasti whose wife had not come of age
<http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/referp18.htm#COME%20OF%20AGE>.
The reformists do not examine such references in our ancient texts with a
cool head but are carried away by their emotions.
In the past the common people did not know how to counter the
arguments of the reformists. Even so they did not accept their views
thinking it best to follow the practices of their elders, of great men.
That is why the bill brought twice by the Rt Hon'ble Srinivasa sastri
before the legislative council to amend the marriage act (with reference to
the age of marriage) did not receive enough support. Later (Harbilas) Sarda
introduced the bill which [on its passage] came to be called the Sarda Act.
Many people (in the South) think Sarda was a women and call the law named
after him the "Sarda Act". The Central legislative assembly was equally
divided on the bill -- 50 percent for and 50 per cent against. Then the
British asked one of the nominated members to vote in favour of the bill;
and thus the minimum age of marriage for girls was raised by a legal
enactment. The bill was passed not on the strength of public opinion but
because if the government's intervention. The mind of our British rulers
worked thus: "The Congress has been demanding svaraj but we have refused to
grant it. Let us give it some satisfaction by being of help in inflicting
an injury on the (Hindu) religion. " Now things have changed. There is no
respect any longer for old customs and traditions. When the Sarda Act came
into force in British India, some Sanskrit scholars returned the
"Mahamahopadhyaya" title conferred on them by the government. Among them
were Pancanana Tarkaratna Bhattacarya of Bengal and Laksmana Sastri Dravid.
The latter was settled in Kasi and had the "Dravid" tagged on to his name
to make it known that he belonged to the land of the Tamils. How many
people today are inspired to rise in protest against the changes introduced
by our government in our sastric observances.
The brahma marriage is for all castes. Other forms of marriage are
also permitted for non-Brahmins, also post-puberty marriage. If the idea is
to give importance to carnal pleasure these other forms may be permitted.
But brahma is the best if the purpose of the marriage samskara is the
advancement of the Self. ( courtesy Kamakoti)
Tirukkural had explained all these in his treatise fully: one shot
is: சிறைகாக்கும் காப்பெவன் செய்யும் மகளிர் நிறைகாக்கும் காப்பே தலை.
Siraikaakkum
Kaappevan Seyyum Makalir Niraikaakkum Kaappe Thalai. Meaning What avails
the guard of a prison ? The chief guard of a woman is her chastity: 10
verses justify the best married life:
chap 5 value of a family
A good family person is one who supports all three relationships (parents,
wife, children)
in a balanced and righteous manner.
41
A good family person also extends support
to saints, poor and needy.
42
Teachers, God, guests, relatives and oneself – it is important
to nurture all these five in addition to the family.
43
One who earns well but avoids the blame of hoarding wealth,
by philanthropy, will lead a complete life with no complaints.
44
If love and virtue pervade the family life, they become
the characteristic and fruit of the family life.
45
The only way to live is to live righteously;
if you set aside virtues, what more is there to gain?
46
One who leads a normal and intimate family life,
is far ahead of those who seek other priorities.
47
If one lives by the right virtues and assists others to do the same,
such a family life is better than the penance of saints
48
True virtue is to lead a harmonious family life;
it is even better if it is beyond others’ blame.
49
One who lives worldly life the way it ought to be lived
will be treated on par with the Gods inhabiting the heavens.
50
Chapr 6 : A good life partner
A spouse who possesses virtues required for the family
and spends within the means is the ideal life partner.
51
If your spouse doesnt possess the virtues needed for married life,
whatever else you possess in life is irrelevant.
52
If your spouse has the qualities suited for family life,
what is it that you dont have? If not, what is it that you have?
53
If your spouse is strongly virtuous, can there be
anything worthier that your spouse?
54
Rain will pour instantly at the order of a wife
who prays not to God but to her husband.
55
A person who respects the spouse more than God
is like rain that pours instantly on demand.
55 V2
A woman not only protects herself, but tirelessly takes care
of her husband and preserves the family reputation.
56
Is it of any use to possess women by imposing physical barriers?
A woman will remain virtuous only on her own volition.
57
If a woman gets a spouse with great character,
she will enjoy the glory of heaven on earth.
58
Those who dont have respectable family lives,
will not be able to stride with a lion-like pride before their opponents.
59
A great harmonious married life is a boon;
having good offsprings adds luster to it.
60
KR IRS 2912120
On Tue, 29 Dec 2020 at 08:19, Rangarajan T.N.C. <[email protected]>
wrote:
>
> https://www.ozy.com/around-the-world/can-uganda-help-africa-break-the-churchs-grip-on-weddings/403413/?utm_term=OZY&utm_campaign=daily-dose&utm_content=Monday_12.28.20&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email
>
>
> Humanist weddings — personalized ceremonies without religious
> connotations, tailor-made for couples who choose their own vows and the
> text that the celebrant reads aloud — are currently illegal across Africa
> <https://link.ozy.com/click/22503180.8525/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cub3p5LmNvbS9hcm91bmQtdGhlLXdvcmxkL2NhdGhvbGljaXNtcy1zdXJwcmlzaW5nLW5ldy1mYW4tY2x1Yi82NTU4OC8_dXRtX3Rlcm09T1pZJnV0bV9jYW1wYWlnbj1kYWlseS1kb3NlJnV0bV9jb250ZW50PU1vbmRheV8xMi4yOC4yMA/5cc372553f92a4331dae52fbBaa71d6b9>
> except
> for South Africa. But if Uganda’s growing number of humanists have their
> way, these ceremonies could soon become routine in the East African nation,
> potentially leading the way for the rest of the continent. They’ve sought
> changes to Ugandan law to make humanist weddings legal, and are training
> humanists in Kenya, Tanzania, Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Ghana, Zimbabwe,
> Malawi and Sierra Leone in conducting weddings.
> READ MORE ON OZY
> <https://link.ozy.com/click/22503180.8525/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cub3p5LmNvbS9hcm91bmQtdGhlLXdvcmxkL2Nhbi11Z2FuZGEtaGVscC1hZnJpY2EtYnJlYWstdGhlLWNodXJjaHMtZ3JpcC1vbi13ZWRkaW5ncy80MDM0MTMvP3V0bV90ZXJtPU9aWSZ1dG1fY2FtcGFpZ249ZGFpbHktZG9zZSZ1dG1fY29udGVudD1Nb25kYXlfMTIuMjguMjA/5cc372553f92a4331dae52fbB77067e59>
>
>
>
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