In response to The most important decisions in your life may be whether to
marry, who to marry, and whether to have kids. But none of those topics are
taught in school. They’re hardly even discussed. How could they be? They
aren’t problems you can distil down to an equation, or even a broad
principle.
People have different personalities, goals, experiences, and levels of
chance and serendipity, all of which make universal truths hard to find and
difficult to teach. No matter how smart the world becomes, the best answer
will always be, “You’ve got to figure it out for yourself.”
A lot of things work like that. Some of the most important topics are the
hardest to teach, and real-world experience is the only school.
A few others:
How to get along with people you disagree with.
How to respect the views of people who’ve had different life experiences
than you.
How to recognize that your own views would be different if you were born in
a different country or era.
How to recognize and appreciate luck.
How to deal with regret.
Where to live.
How to advertise your skills and accomplishments without being insufferable.
How to avoid being swayed by bullshit and charlatans.
How to manage the balance between confidence and ego, recognizing that you
might be unique but you’re not special.
How to accept your own faults without guilt.
How to be curious about fields that have nothing to do with your career.
How to change your mind, especially about things that were once core to
your identity.
How to deal with a certain level of hassle and nonsense without losing your
cool.
How to experience the agony of financial loss even when you’re aware of the
odds of a bad outcome.
How to accept critical feedback.
How to be inspired by others’ success while avoiding envy.
Recognizing how incentives affect your behavior, often for the worse.
How to accept things that are easy to ignore because it’s painful to admit
they’re true.
How to recognize the long-term consequences of your actions.
How to balance optimism and pessimism so you can exploit opportunities with
realistic expectations.
There are no easy rules to learn and memorize – you’ve got to figure those
out for yourself.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
1 WHAT IS A MARRIAGE AND WHEN AND WHO?
1 A few relevant Mantras/Hymns/Riks in regard to marriage in the Vedas
are mentioned below: Rig-Veda says, "Wife is verily a home" (1-66-5,
1-77-3 and 3-54-4). After marriage the girl can attend and address
*Vidhata* (Assembly
regarding religious and spiritual matters) and* Sabha* (Assembly regarding
social, economic and political matters) and should conduct as per Rta
(cosmic Laws of necessity) and Dharma (Rig Veda 10-85-26 to 42 and 47.
Atharav Veda. 14-1-20 , 22. 14-2-64 , 71). She is the mistress and ruler
of the house. Virtuous, noble, educated wife of an unimpeachable character
and conducts devoted to her husband with body mind and soul enjoy the
highest bliss. Atharva Veda 14-1-20 enjoins the wife to go to husband's
place and become the mistress of the house.
However, for those who do not have faith in the permanent truths and
cosmic laws of necessity (Rta) of the Vedas and prefer to follow non divine
vocations by resorting to bribery, magic, miracles, adulteration of food,
the Vedic metaphysics is silent about the marriage institution for them. {
Why people today this way as narrated in the article of TNCR}
Out of six kinds of marriages mentioned in Rig Veda like Brhama Vivah,
Gandharva Vivah, Asura Marriages based on use of force and any kind of
pressure are not advised in Rig Veda. Bigamy, polygamy and polyandry is not
advised to Arayans (noble persons).
Rig-Veda 6-64-6 says, at the time of marriage the woman should
preferably choose a man who likes her most and is delighted to see her.
Parents should give freedom to the young girl to choose her life partner
through the institution of *Svayamvara*, which literally means self
choosing of a husband (R.V 5-47-6 and 1-71-8).
The path-finders found highly ethical and divine principles in regard
to the institution of marriage. God is present when sex is resorted to for
the purposes of procreation only in socially recognised marriages. A number
of socially recognised marriages have been mentioned. Love marriage is
considered superior to arranged marriage. Parents should encourage those
young men and women who love each other and want to get married. This kind
of Marriage is Brahma Vivah (marriage blessed by God).
Marriages arranged by parents are also contemplated. However, the
institution of *svayamvara* where the bridegroom has to fulfill certain
conditions of expertise, strength, power, knowledge etc., is to be
fulfilled as prescribed by the parents of the bride, before finally getting
married. This clearly shows the great importance Vedic *rsis *and*
munnies *gave
to women. No dowry system is mentioned anywhere. Vedas leave no doubt those
male female relationships are more on the principle of co-equal
relationship of the cosmos i.e. between Purusha (the Supreme Reality) and
Prakrti (Supreme Mother) and thus provide divinity and sanctity to the
institution of marriage.
Rig Vedic Hindus, marriage was considered as a sacramental union, and
this continued to be so during the entire period. In the Shastric Hindu
law, marriage has been regarded as one of the essential *sanakaras* (sacrament
for every Hindu). Every Hindu must marry. “To be mothers were woman created
and to be fathers men.” The Veda ordains that “Dharma must be practiced by
man together with his wife and offspring”. “He is only perfect who consists
of his wife and offspring.” “Those who have wives can fulfill their
obligations in this world; those who have wives truly have a family life;
those who have wives can be happy; those who have wives can have a full
life.” For a Hindu marriage is essential, not only for begetting a son in
order to discharge his debt to the ancestors, but also for performance of
other religious and spiritual duties
Wife is the *ardhangini* (half of man) according to Satpatha
Brahmana “The wife is verily the half of the husband. Man is only half, not
complete until he marries.” The *Taittiriya Samhita* is to the same effect.
Manu declared that mutual fidelity between husband and wife was the highest
*dharma*. According to Mahabharata, by cherishing the woman one virtually
cherishes the Goddess of prosperity herself. Wife under Hindu law is not
only a “*grahpatni*,” but also a “*dharma patni*” and “*shadharmini*.” The
wife is her husband's best of friends. She is the source of *Dharma, Artha,
Kama*, and *Moksha*.
1. Duties of wife: Atharva veda mantra 1/14/1 – Her husband’s
house should be her permanent abode. Handling situations faithfully, gently
and in a learned manner will prevent problems from entering their lives.
2. Atharva veda mantra 3/25/1- Being blunt and over scheduled may bring a
monotonous approach to any relationship. Showing care, love and romanticism
should be well understood by the wife.
3. Atharva veda mantra 3/25/5- Sincerity and dedication towards her
husband should be her priority.
4. Atharva veda mantra 3/30/2 – The wife should always put up a sweet and
sober nature.
5. Atharva veda mantra 4/38/1 – Being sensual, hardworking and
maintaining the daily rituals cleverly and properly should be her attitude.
6. Atharva veda mantra 4/38/2 – The hard earned money by her husband
should be managed by the wife. Preserving and increasing it is her duty.
7. Atharva veda mantra 4/38/3- Ensuring that milk and milk products
should never be a shortage should always be in her mind. Always developing
the house in a positive way and maintaining a peaceful environment are her
responsibilities.
8. Atharva veda mantra 4/38/4- She should take care of her happiness as
well and discuss it with her husband. Sorrows should not weaken her as she
is the housemaker and her attitude will affect the entire household.
9. Atharva veda mantra 4/38/5- She should toil from sunrise to sunset
exploring and developing things.
10. Atharva veda mantra 6/8/1 – A wife’s development should
always be directly proportional to her husband’s growth as a creeper
completely depends on the tree.
11. Atharva veda mantra 6/8/3 – Even the thought of
separation from her husband is a crime for her.
12. Atharva veda mantra 7/47/2- It is her duty to bring in
spirituality in the members of the family and always keep God’s grace on
the house.
1. Duties of husbands: Atharva veda mantra 1/34/5 – The husband should
be sweet and affectionate such that the wife will always love him
dedicatedly.
2. Atharva veda mantra 2/30/4 – Nothing should be kept hidden from the
wife. Maintaining transparency is his prior duty.
3. Atharva veda mantra 5/25/6- Being disciplined and maintaining a pious
life should always be in his mind.
4. Atharva veda mantra 6/9/2 – Love, care and affection should always be
shown by him towards his wife. Even at situations of sorrow and difficulty
he should never be rude or treat ill to his wife.
5. Atharva veda mantra 6/81/1 - Husband should lead a disciplined life
and should be capable of earning money to sustain his married life.
6. Atharva veda mantra 6/89/1 - His wife should always get the required
respect and should be treated like a precious possession. He should always
be careful about her honor.
Anbum aranum udaithayin panbum payanum adhu. Love and Dharma are
the quality of a married life. Tirukkural. And of all the things, one does
not decide the life of marriage, it is destiny.
2 How to get along with people you disagree with. 3 How to respect
the views of people who’ve had different life experiences than you. 4 How
to recognize that your own views would be different if you were born in a
different country or era.
A The word Bandhu in Vedic Sanskrit stands for Relatives as well as
Friends. The word Bandhanam, which comes from the root word Bandha, means
Bondage. Sama Veda declares:
अयं बन्धुरयंनेति गणना लघुचेतसाम् |
उदारचरितानां तु वसुधैव कुटुम्बकम् ॥
‘This person is mine, and this one is not’ is a false perception of
ignorant and selfish individuals. For those who have realized and live in
the abundance of knowledge and wisdom, the entire world is their family.
Relationships are natural. According to Vedic Rishis and Rishikas, we all
are related to one other. Irrespective of whether or not we know each
other, the fact that we all dwell in this one home called Vasundhara or
Earth makes us relatives. Therefore, we cannot escape relationships. We
have to accept people for what they are and try to live in a way that is
least hurtful to others. Relationships are bondage, indeed. But not all
bondages are bad. Those relationships which can give us peace, help us
pursue our paths with limited distractions are always welcome.
Relationships we build with people out of *respect* and *admiration* with a
desire to learn and benefit from their wisdom is what *Rishis *call
*Sattvic. *Relationships we get by default, as well as the relationship we
endure for the sake of our survival, is *Rajasic. *The relationships we
make for our meeting our sensual desires, no matter how long or short, is
branded as *Tamasic.*
A painful relationship is often endured owing to fears. Fear is a
driving force behind Rajasic and Tamasic relationships. The idea such as
“What will happen if I am to lose this person? Who is going to pay for my
sustenance? Where will I go? Who will feed me?” mostly come from, and
leads, to absolute fear are the foundations
of Rajasic and Tamasic relationships.
Fear, the most dominant of human emotions, is the key for people to
manipulate and get manipulated. And if it is a fear that which is holding
your relationship, then you can rest assured that you are alleviating all
possibilities of happiness. Krishna of Vyasa’s Mahabharata teaches that it
is possible to sustain bliss even while
pursuing Tamasic and Rajasic relationships provided you are living without
expectations. He says it clearly that if you expect; you will suffer.
Living without expectations doesn’t imply living without an objective or
purpose — quite the contrary. When you live without expectations, you live
without worrying about the past nor fearful about the future, which gives
you only the present. You focus only on the moment, do any good you can,
with all the energy you have.
By living in the moment, your Happiness isn’t some false promise of the
future. It is an instant reality. You appreciate all that you have and work
for your wants by working without stress or stain. You accept people for
what they are; you deal with them appropriately without any baggage of
emotions. You reward or punish people as your conscience deem appropriate.
You live without regrets and remorse. You live in bliss. { Modern society
has funny meaning for the relationship}
5 How to recognize and appreciate luck. 6 How to deal with regret.
A *maṇigamanaṃ sūcyabhisarpaṇamadṛṣṭakāraṇam* || 5.1.15 ||Vaiseshika
sitram 5 1 15
*maṇi <https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/mani#hinduism>-gamanam*—movement
of the jewel; *sūcī
<https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/shuci#hinduism>-abhisarpaṇam*—approach
of the needle; *adṛṣṭa
<https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/adrishta#hindu-philosophy>-kāraṇakam*
—have *adṛṣṭaṃ
<https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/adrishta#hindu-philosophy>*, (*i.e.*,
the invisible consequences of previous acts) as their cause.
15. The movement of the jewel, and the approach of the needle, *adṛṣṭaṃ* as
their cause.
Nandrum theethum pirar thara vaara.
B G says working for the self-satisfaction without any expectations, bring
the value of adrishta or luck ; in case of nothing in return, still, there
will not be any sadness or anxiety and regrets.
रजस् तमश् चाभिभूय सत्त्वं भवति भारत ।
रजः सत्त्वं तमश् चैव तमः सत्त्वं रजस् तथा ॥ १० ॥14
*rajas tamaś cābhibhūya sattvaṃ bhavati bhārata |*
*rajaḥ sattvaṃ tamaś caiva tamaḥ sattvaṃ rajas tathā* || 10 ||
*rajaḥ*–passion; *tamaḥ*–ignorance; *ca*–and; *abhibhūya*–overwhelming;
*sattvam*–goodness; *bhavati*–becomes manifest; *bhārata*–O descendant of
Bharata; *rajaḥ*–passion; *sattvam*–goodness; *tamaḥ*–ignorance; *ca*–and;
*eva*–certainly; *tamaḥ*–ignorance;* sattvam*–goodness; *rajaḥ*–passion;
*tathā*–also.
O descendant of Bharata
<https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/bharata#vaishnavism>, when the
quality of goodness arises, it overwhelms passion and ignorance. When the
quality of passion appears, it subdues goodness and ignorance, and when the
quality of ignorance manifests, it overpowers both goodness and passion.
7 Where to live: The term “Environment/Nature” must not be limited
to trees, animals, birds, rivers and mountains, rather “It” is internal,
external, individual, cosmic, exclusive and non-exclusive. It is to be
recognised that it is human’s inner contamination, unrest, and mental greed
that manifests as external pollutions, and disharmony. ‘Mother Nature,’
nurtures every being till we respect Her. However, if we try to exploit
Her, She responds internally as metal stress, physically as diseases,
environmentally as natural calamities, and universally as cumulative
disharmony. Outer acts of environmental protection can aid us in our
mission to support the cosmos, but they are far from being a permanent cure
for cosmic discord. In this regard, Svāmī Vivekānanda aptly states,“The
miseries of the world cannot be cured by physical help alone. Unless a
man’s nature changes, physical needs will continue to arise and miseries
will continue to be felt. No amount of physical help will cure these
miseries. Ignorance is the mother of all evils and of the misery that we
see. Let man have light, let them be pure, spiritually strong and educated;
then alone misery will cease. We may convert every house of the country
into a charitable asylum and fill the land with hospitals but the misery
will continue to exist until man’s character changes”[vii] It is essential
to recognise that each life and form has a crucial role to play in the
grand scheme of the universe. Realisation of non-duality with all lives
leads to harmony in the truest sense declares the Yajurveda, He who sees
the Self in all and all in the Self has no sense of revulsion by the reason
of the vision of non-duality. When all beings have been realized as the
‘Self’ there remains no delusion and no sadness.[viii] The Vedas regard
‘Nature’ as all-encompassing and holds an intimate relationship with It.
They refer to ‘It’ as not only the ‘Highest Reality,’ but also revere Its
various manifestations (sun, moon, rivers, birds, etc.) as mother, father,
protector, friend, son, and more. ‘Environment’ is that ‘Unitary Principle’
which the Vedas have spoken about repeatedly. All beings of the universe
are indwelled, saturated and are that very ‘Principle’ which they
mistakenly consider as distinct. This non-dual Vedic vision elevates
‘Mother Nature’ to the highest plinth. As a result, the Vedas instruct us
to work for the good of all beings instead of being limited to only the
human race. Let us now consider some Vedic averments about Environmental
harmony. Hence as said in Tirukkural, Nadenba naadaa valathana; and
environment is the choice of living.
8 How to advertise your skills and accomplishments without being
insufferable. 9 How to avoid being swayed by bullshit and charlatans.
A Skills, accomplishments, bull shits and charlatans are facts but
modified by the perceptions. All the terms denote there are skills
developed by everyone within this frame but use and misuse, are conceived
according to the cause and effect. Hence act of Maya. Good things are sold
faster and only what cannot be so easily saleable needs the skill to
advertise. If Tamil Nādu and Kasi are tied down by culture, The dravida
thinks it is a bull-shit and vice versa. Thus, commercial aspects of
marketing are in the eyes of the beholders. Either way when they lose, they
switch over to the other side as survival is their needs.
10 How to manage the balance between confidence and ego, recognizing that
you might be unique but you’re not special. 11 How to accept your own
faults without guilt. 12 How to be curious about fields that have nothing
to do with your career. 13 How to change your mind, especially about things
that were once core to your identity.
A All the above are mental designs. Confidence is also a kind of Ego;
Ego can be with or without substance; confidence might be the cards played
in higher levels, while exposing the EGO at the lower level, as a strategy;
it can be switched off and on; or played all the time together and grounded
unethically, pulled down by the force or the nature. It is a GUNA by
nature, attributed by the birth. Acquiring them as skill is, is only an
appearance in shades. Why many women, say 95% are always frightened? Unless
they are natural in life, trying to change or act, does not carry any one
anywhere. Both are quantum of GUNAs like emotions. Excessive will pull
oneself down and the absence might allow others to over run oneself. B G
has a lot to tell on these GUNAs. Acceptance of bad character is n act
that shall be accepted by the others, promptly, as it is an act of courage;
but what acts are to expose depends on the facts and circumstances of each
case, where the evidences and characters of others are involved. Denial is
natural lie. 5- Ws teaches the education where curiosity of a human is
forgotten totally, while the human forgot, how curious one was as a kid. It
is lying to oneself to be polite and denying own opportunity to learn. If
practiced and continued from the child hood, brain can consume a lot and
retain all of them. The contented absorptions are attained by foregoing,
unwanted time-consuming waste products. Identity is also an act of
perception only. The real WHO ARE YOU is not what you were, but what were
you REALLY ONCE and what you will be after that false Identity ended. Mind
plays the game and controlling the mind mixes things fluidly. B G I
have written a lot on that.
14 How to deal with a certain level of hassle and nonsense without
losing your cool. (by pass or attack with severity so that again thought of
repetition must be cost-effective)
15 How to experience the agony of financial loss even when you’re aware of
the odds of a bad outcome. (Leaving the ownership)
16 How to accept critical feedback. (Accepting them coolly and swallowing
them all)
17 How to be inspired by others’ success while avoiding envy. ( By whole
heartedly expressing the appreciation and claps as you do with the kids)
19 How to accept things that are easy to ignore because it’s painful to
admit they’re true. (Leaving the Ego)
20 How to recognize the long-term consequences of your actions. (Whose
actions? Yours?)
21 How to balance optimism and pessimism so you can exploit opportunities
with realistic expectations. (doing action in in action and in action in
action)
A In the Bhagavadgita you will find two types of references to ego
(aham), one in a subjective sense as “I am” and the other in an objective
sense as a reference to the individuality or the sense of self. For
example, when Arjuna says, “kathaṃ bhīṣmam ahaṃ sāṅkhye droṇaṃ ca
madhusūdana,” which means” How I am going to attack Bhishma and Drona in
the battlefield, O Madhusudhana,” he is using aham in the subjective sense
to refer to himself. However, when Krishna says, “nirmamo nirahaṃkāraḥ sa
śāntim adhigacchhati,” which means, “those without the sense of ownership
and egoism attain peace,” he is referring to aham in an objective sense as
egoism.
The word “aham” appears in the Bhagavadgita numerous times, mostly in
a subject sense. Sometimes it appears in association with other words such
as “nigraham,” which means self-restraint or restraining the ego. The word
is also hidden as a suffix in many other words to denote aspects of
subjectivity or individuality. For example, agraham (anger), dukham
(sorrow), sukham (happiness), graham (grasping one), and purusham
(individual self).
The Self is universal, eternal, one and without divisions. The
expansive or exalted feeling that I am everything and I am all this does
not constitute egoism. However, the feeling that I am so and so, or I have
this and that constitute egoism or ahamkar. When the universal Self is
covered with the impurities of delusion and ignorance, it develops this
limited view of itself as a separate entity, which we recognize as ego.
Thus, the ego is the feeling of separateness, the sense of duality, or the
idea of being distinct and different from others. It is the false
perception of oneself as a separate being or a limited being. Egoism
creates the limitations of space and time in which we become stuck. Since
it exists in all of us as individual consciousness, it is a universal
feeling. Ahamkar is that which is shaped by egoism. It manifests in us in
several ways such as the following
1. Ownership and doer ship
2. Desires and attachments
3. Pride and arrogance
4. Self-esteem
5. Selfishness
6. Self-centeredness
7. Aggression and competitiveness
8. Judgment, opinions and criticism
9. Identification with the mind and body
10. Fear, suffering, anxiety, anger, stress, and so on.
In a limited sense aham also means pride or arrogance. However, it is
rather an effect of ego or a sign of egoism. When a person is overly proud
and conceited, we say he has a lot of aham, means he is very egoistic. Any
feeling, thought, idea, expression, action or response which arises in a
state of duality or the predicate state of subject and object has ego as
its source.
According to the Bhagavadgita, the ego is an aspect of the eightfold
division of lower divine nature, which is made up of the five elements, the
ego, the mind and reason (7.4&5). It is a part of the physical reality, the
kshetra or field (13.5), while ego lessness is part of the knower of the
field or the pure consciousness) (13.8&9).
The ego makes us believe that we are the doers of our actions and
responsible for them. Because of that we engage in desire-ridden actions
and desire for their fruit, whereby we incur karma and remain bound to the
mortal world. As the Bhagavadgita (3.27) states, "All types of action are
performed by the gunas, which arise from Nature. Deluded by the ego, the
being, thus thinks, "I am the doer."
If you identify yourself with the universal Self, overlook the duality and
divisions of the world, and even vaguely cultivate the universal feeling of
oneness with the whole existence, it is a good start. In itself it is a
great sacrifice in which your whole life and actions become a continuous
offering. When one develops the discernment between the true Self and the
projected self, the ego takes a back seat and lets the Self become the
center of one’s life. This is the state of ego lessness as well as the pure
state of spiritual self-awareness. In that state of yoga, he transcends his
limited vision, and performs desireless actions, without struggling and
striving to be and to have. He believes that he does nothing while
performing mundane tasks such as seeing, hearing, touching, smelling,
tasting, walking, sleeping and breathing. (5.8).
18 Recognizing how incentives affect your behaviour, often for the
worse.
A The Bhagavad-Gita (07.08
<http://bhagavadgitaclass.com/bhagavad-gita-chapter-07-text-08/>) indicates
that our abilities come from Brahmam manifesting Himself. It isn’t too
difficult to realize that the abilities that we have, are not actually our
own. If the abilities were entirely, one’s own, then why would one not be
able to deploy them constantly? When altered where is the question of the
same recognition or not? Normally, our various ambitions are motivated by
the craving for recognition: “I want the world to recognize my specialness
and greatness.” This motivation sets us up for frustration because
sometimes, due to adverse circumstances, we just can’t actualize our
ambitions; or sometimes even after fulfilling our ambitions, we don’t get
the craved recognition; or sometimes even after getting that recognition,
we get only fleeting satisfaction. Gita wisdom gives us a motivation for
ambition that is less dependent on externals – the motivation of
realization. It explains that at our core, we are souls, who are parts of
the whole, Brahmam. We can find enduring satisfaction only when we connect
lovingly with HIM and redefine all our activities as services to him. Such
redefinition requires purification, which comes when we engage regularly in
direct devotional activities. Being thus purified, we get the conviction
that our connection with HIM is the source of our greatest satisfaction.
Bg 18.46
yatah pravrttir bhutanam yena sarvam idam tatam
sva-karmana tam abhyarcya siddhim vindati manavah
By worship of the Brahmam, who is the source of all beings and who is
all-pervading, a man can attain perfection through performing his own work.
Recognition is always waiting on him.
Q There are no easy rules to learn and memorize – you’ve got to figure
those out for yourself.
Partly true; but not wholly that there are no easy rules. Each came alone
and shall exit alone; however, the specie has to live in this society where
the current flowing across is finer and pressurising alternatively. Hence
the behaviour one performs by practicing habits, can only, certainly,
fashion him in this groove. It is not impossible; but we do not impose due
to ego. Hence partly true. Rules are there. Practiced by Maharishis. But we
doubt ourselves. KR IRs 221122
On Tue, 22 Nov 2022 at 10:44, Rajaram Krishnamurthy <[email protected]>
wrote:
> Very interesting! But the confusions on the above points are pure
> ignorant-pretending-to-be-all-knowing subjects. It is some kind of west or
> USA, concept of women telling me I am not prepared at the age of 42 and men
> reporting, I am not yet ready, at 50, as if all these years , they lived
> their own life. We have answers for all these questions between 1000 years
> to 5000 years ago. We read the bible and Buddha or Karl Marcs and way to
> laugh non wisdom books. Reading books is not a taboo in any language; but
> assimilation to send out and absorb in blood needs Karma. If God be willing
> let me think KR IRS 221122
>
> On Tue, 22 Nov 2022 at 09:08, Rangarajan T.N.C. <[email protected]>
> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> The most important decisions in your life may be whether to marry, who to
>> marry, and whether to have kids. But none of those topics are taught in
>> school. They’re hardly even discussed. How could they be? They aren’t
>> problems you can distill down to an equation, or even a broad principle.
>>
>> People have different personalities, goals, experiences, and levels of
>> chance and serendipity, all of which make universal truths hard to find and
>> difficult to teach. No matter how smart the world becomes, the best answer
>> will always be, “You’ve got to figure it out for yourself.”
>>
>> A lot of things work like that. Some of the most important topics are the
>> hardest to teach, and real world experience is the only school.
>>
>> A few others:
>>
>> How to get along with people you disagree with.
>>
>> How to respect the views of people who’ve had different life experiences
>> than you.
>>
>> How to recognize that your own views would be different if you were born
>> in a different country or era.
>>
>> How to recognize and appreciate luck.
>>
>> How to deal with regret.
>>
>> Where to live.
>>
>> How to advertise your skills and accomplishments without being
>> insufferable.
>>
>> How to avoid being swayed by bullshit and charlatans.
>>
>> How to manage the balance between confidence and ego, recognizing that
>> you might be unique but you’re not special.
>>
>> How to accept your own faults without guilt.
>>
>> How to be curious about fields that have nothing to do with your career.
>>
>> How to change your mind, especially about things that were once core to
>> your identity.
>>
>> How to deal with a certain level of hassle and nonsense without losing
>> your cool.
>>
>> How to experience the agony of financial loss even when you’re aware of
>> the odds of a bad outcome.
>>
>> How to accept critical feedback.
>>
>> How to be inspired by others’ success while avoiding envy.
>>
>> Recognizing how incentives affect your behavior, often for the worse.
>>
>> How to accept things that are easy to ignore because it’s painful to
>> admit they’re true.
>>
>> How to recognize the long-term consequences of your actions.
>>
>> How to balance optimism and pessimism so you can exploit opportunities
>> with realistic expectations.
>>
>> There are no easy rules to learn and memorize – you’ve got to figure
>> those out for yourself.
>>
>>
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