How you respond to correction, criticism, and negative feedback
demonstrates who you are. Thus, it is essential to learn how to take
criticism gracefully, and treat these instances as opportunities to grow.
If you immediately shut-down and act defensively, you’re unlikely to learn
and grow from past mistakes. Receiving correction is pivotal to your
development.
Positive Responses
The first step in receiving criticism is to listen actively and make a
concerted effort not to be defensive. Remember that giving criticism can be
almost as hard as receiving it, so neither you nor your critic are likely
to be entirely comfortable. Once your reviewer/critic has said their
piece—whether in person or in writing—the following effective tools can
help you respond:
Gratitude. Avoid extremes: don’t get gushy or pretend it doesn’t hurt. Just
say thanks for your feedback.
Questions. Avoid statements until you’ve asked clarifying questions.
Restatements. “I hear you saying…”
Request for solutions. Ask for suggested solutions. Simple is essential;
one or two is enough.
Happiness. Do corrective behaviors make sense and feel good? If the path
forward isn’t inviting, you’ll avoid it.
Follow-up. Ask for a check-in meeting in two weeks for a progress report.
Four weeks is too long. If your behaviors elicit negative feedback, solve
them quickly.
Gratitude again.
Time
Sometimes it’s worth taking a pause and delaying your response, rather than
responding with your first reaction (which could likely end up being an
overreaction). Correction is tough to hear. Listen, and if necessary, ask
for some time to think it over. Be honest in your responses, and don’t be
afraid to ask for time: “This is hard to hear. Could I have an hour to
digest your feedback?”
Transparency
Include those who were impacted by negative behaviors. Explain what you’re
working on and corrective actions. You go further when others know where
you’re going. In a few days, ask them how you’re doing.
Open up don’t push away.
Drop it and move on.
Ask for affirmation when you achieved goals. Reject nitpicking. Move on.
Responding well to negative feedback, toughens character, increases
influence, and strengthens connections.
According to communications expert Jack Griffin, there is a six step
process that you can use to respond to negative feedback in a constructive
manner. Here are excerpts from his guidelines.[1]
Step 1: Accept criticism as an opportunity. All criticism, even unmerited
criticism is useful to you. Criticism, after all, may actually point out
things that you are doing ineffectively or poorly—things you could do
better.
Step 2: Fight the impulse to respond defensively. Listen and learn.
Step 3: Realize that the criticism is a perception, nothing more.
Step 4: Do not meekly accept unjust or unfounded criticism, but don’t
reject it. Learn from it. Learn about creating more positive impressions.
Step 5: Seize the opportunity to respond to criticism, to communicate in a
way that can strengthen and enhance your relationship with your boss.
Step 6: While listening to criticism, demonstrate that you are hearing the
criticism.
Negative Responses
Of course, while there are a variety of good ways to respond, there are
poor or unproductive ways to respond to criticism. Here are examples of how
not to respond.
“It’s your fault too.”
Making it personal.
Standing aloof
Minimizing.
Arguing.
Feeling attacked.
Finger pointing.
Excuse making.
Denial.
“I’ll never be good enough.”
Negative responses to negative feedback delay growth, destroy progress, and
lose respect.
Many ways to mount that criticism either way as explained psychologically.
---------------------
Criticising explained in our scriptures:
Criticism is never easy to take, and most people tend to react
negatively towards it. However, as an ancient Vedic tale suggests, bearing
and handling criticism is a virtue that speaks volumes about one's
learning, civility, and wisdom. In this article, we'll explore the
importance of criticism, particularly in Vedic texts, where it is
considered the hallmark of a wise person. We'll delve into some of the
Shlokas that detail this importance and how it is linked to virtues like
humility and forgiveness. We'll also explore the difficulties in imbibing
such virtues in our modern world, where humility is often mistaken for
weakness.
THE STORY:
The old king, on his deathbed, told his son, “My boy, be good and do
good, and never disregard our minister’s comments or suggestions.”
After the death of the king, this prince ascended the throne.
The young king was never happy with the old minister for he always found
some fault with the king’s ways.
The young king bore the minister’s criticism patiently for five years but
one day, he could hold back no longer and burst out, in open court “Old
man, don’t you ever find any virtue in me?” In fact, the king had decided
to dismiss the minister that day.
All the courtiers looked at both the king and the minister with anxiety.
“My lord,” said the minister gravely, “I will reveal today what your great
virtue is, now that I am going to retire. Your greatest virtue is you have
silently borne all my criticism. None, but a king of great nobility could
have done that, I salute you, my young master, as I leave!”
Tears welled up in the king’s eyes. He descended from his throne and
embracing the old minister beseeched to him to stay on. “No, my master,”
said the minister, adding “one should not continue in the same work
forever. One must know when to retire.” Saying thus, the minister retired –
for good.
This is just one of many tales from ancient Vedic India, which speak
subtly, yet impactfully, about the virtue of handing as well as handling
criticism. In this story, originally written by an unknown rishi in Vedic
Sanskrit, neither the king nor the minister is shown in poor light. The
minister’s approach to criticism was humility and objectivism. All Vedic
texts from Vedas, Upanishads, Aranyakas until Arthashastra unanimously
accept that “Knowledge is that which instils humility” or “विद्या ददाति
विनयम्.”
When an individual bears criticism, better known in Vedic Sanskrit as
वितन्डम् (Vitandam) or निन्दनम् (Nindanam), with the serenity of mind (s)he
was regarded as पंडितम् (Panditam) or a wise person. Giving, accepting as
well as understanding criticism was considered to be the hallmark of
learning, civility, nobility as well as wisdom, in Vedic India.
For example, read the following Shloka from Neeti Shastra:
धृति: क्षमा दम: अस्तेयं शौचमिन्द्रियनिग्रह: ।
धी: विद्या सत्यमक्रोधो दशकम् धर्म लक्षणम् ।।
Meaning “Contentment, forgiveness, self-control, abstention from the
unrighteous appropriation of anything, purity, control of senses,
knowledge, truthfulness, abstention from anger and peace of mind are ten
qualities of an individual established in Dharma.”
*Criticism is never identified as a hindrance to Dharma in any of the Vedic
texts.*
Of course, it is complicated to imbibe these virtues. It takes a lot of
perseverance and commitment. The following shloka says:
काग चेष्ठा, बको ध्यानम श्वान निद्रा तथैव च ।
स्वल्पाहारी, गृहत्यागी विद्यार्थिन: पंच लक्ष्ण: ।।
Meaning “Perseverance of a crow, concentration of a crane, sleeping like a
dog, eating frugally, and being ready to even sacrifice one’s abode for
knowledge – these are the five virtues a person desiring wisdom must
possess.”
Learning does not happen in a set period or at a specific location. Vedic
Rishis have always emphasized the crucial difference between, Knowing,
Understanding & Realizing. You may know about something, but may not
necessarily understand it. Even if you understand something, you may not
realize it. For example, everyone knows about the importance of money, but
not many understand how to earn it enough, increase or sustain it. However,
most of them who do, as a result of the lack of realization, do not reap
happiness from it.
Humility and forgiveness, which enable us to handle criticism effectively,
are no longer heralded to be virtues, in the world we live in today.
Humility is often identified with weakness. It is considered to be an
escape from one’s ability to confront a formidable adversary, or to face
tough circumstances. Such a perspective is not new*. People with limited
knowledge and bloated ego often have had such silly views across all times.
* As Vidura in Mahabharata says:
एक: क्षमावतं दोषो द्धितीयो नोपलभ्यते |
यदेन क्षमया युक्तमशक्तं मन्यते जन: ||
सोऽस्य दोषो न मन्तव्य: क्षमा हि परमं बलम् |
क्षमा गुणो ह्यशक्तानां शक्तानां भूषणं तथा ||
Meaning: “There is only one defect with people of humility; people consider
them to be weak. Such perception of people, however, must seldom be taken
into consideration, for humility is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament
of the strong.”
According to the modern English dictionary: Criticism is the expression of
someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistake. Unjust
criticism is a criticism that is not just or lacking in justice or
fairness. It is something that is unfaithful and dishonest. Positive
Criticism is a criticism that is well meant or well mentioned in a positive
way. And yet the very word Criticism today is often used loosely, and often
confused, with abuse. As a result, most people, in the civilized as well as
the uncivilized world, abhor criticism and reserve it exclusively for their
adversaries and their enemies.
Unfortunately, even the modern-day psychologists have a negative view of
Criticism in all its forms. Most even confuse observation and suggestions
as criticism. For them “criticism is a detrimental character of a sad mind.”
According to most psychologists, “criticism is an absolute failure at
getting a positive behavioural change.” Most researchers in psychology have
declared that “…short-term gain from a criticism builds certain resentment
down the line.” Also, “Criticism fails because it embodies two of the
things that the human beings hate the most: It calls for submission, and we
hate to submit and it devalues, and we hate to feel devalued”
Vedic Sanskrit word for criticism was निन्दा (Ninda.) The criticizer is
निन्दक (Nindaka.) Whereas विनिन्दा (Vininda) & विनिन्दक (Vinindaka) stand
for Unjust Criticism & Unjust Criticizer. Interestingly, in the languages
that followed Vedic Sanskrit, the very word Ninda is synonym with Vininda.
In most Indic languages Ninda is unjust, unwise and is often, incorrectly,
defined as अधार्मिक: (Adharmic) or against Dharma.
According to the Vedic Rishis, the problem is not with criticism but with
our अहंकारं or ego. What if our adversary is to criticize us with abuse,
but also say a few facts along with it? Why not only retain the facts and
ignore their abuse?
It’s incorrect to assume that someone says something, and we feel bad. We
feel bad because of our attachment to our sense of ego, which in turn led
us to ignore the truth in their words, by holding onto their abuses, with
undeserving emotions.
परवाच्येषु निपुणः सर्वो भवति सर्वदा ।
आत्मवाच्यं न जानाति जानन्नपि विमुह्यति ॥
According to Vedic rishis, anyone dedicated to criticizing others without
the willingness to accept criticism is a Murkha or a fool. But this doesn’t
mean that we must not criticize or that criticism by itself is bad. Just
that, before we criticize others, we need to be willing to accept criticism
with the same fairness we expect from the person we are planning to
criticize.
Rishis also say in Neeti Shastras:
उपदेशो हि मूर्खानां प्रकोपाय न शान्तये।
पय: पानं भुजंगानाम् केवलम् विषवर्धनम्।।
Meaning “Even a piece of good advice given to fools will only provoke them
and incite their anger, offering milk to a serpent will seldom neutralize
their venom.” So, it’s important that we do not criticize the fools, for
they’ll never be able to comprehend it, even if you use the nicest words.
Before we give criticism, we must be sure that we present it in a way
that’s free of abuses and with truth and facts to the best of our
knowledge. And should our assumed truth or facts be proved wrong, we must
with all humility, accept it and sincerely express our regrets to the
person harmed, by our baseless criticism.
Here’s another important Shloka from Neeti Shastra in this regard:
सत्यं ब्रूयात् प्रियं ब्रूयात् न ब्रूयात् सत्यम् अप्रियम् ।
प्रियं च नानृतम् ब्रूयात्, एष धर्मः सनातन: ॥
Meaning: “Speak the truth in such a way that it should be fair. Never speak
that assumed truth, unfairly. Never speak untruth, even though it might be
pleasant. This is the path of perennial Dharma.”
Most people often find faults with people they hate, meet, work with and,
even, love. There’s no way for a person to be perfect. To expect perfection
in the mundane world is silly. In the following shloka, the rishis say
कस्य दोषः कुले नास्ति व्याधिना को न पीडितः ।
व्यसनं केन न प्राप्तं कस्य सौख्यं निरन्तरम् ॥
Meaning “Which family is without a fault, who has not suffered an ailment,
who’s bereft of vice and whose happiness is everlasting.”
So, if you are finding fault with someone else’s family, don’t be angry if
someone finds the same fault with your family. If you are trying to
criticize someone for an ailment resulting from carelessness, make sure you
are not doing the same (careless act), unconsciously. Before you criticize
others about their vices, make sure you have none. Before you start
criticizing others for going through a painful period – bear in mind that
pain and pleasure are always transient in everyone’s life. The popular
saying – “Those staying in Glass Houses should not throw stones at others”
– applies very well to criticism.
K Rajaram IRS 301124
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