-- *Mar*Sure — let’s evaluate *“Contending With Failure” by YM Sarma* as if it were submitted for an upper-level college or university essay in philosophy, environmental studies, or literature.
I’ll assess it on standard academic criteria: *Content & Ideas, Organization, Style & Language, and Mechanics & Coherence*, then assign a *mark (out of 100)* and a *grade*. ------------------------------ 🧭 *1. Content & Ideas (40 marks possible) → 33 / 40* *Strengths* - Exceptionally original and deeply philosophical. - Offers a powerful ecological ethic that critiques modern civilization. - Presents an integrated vision linking ecology, emotion, and human society. *Weaknesses* - Lacks clear evidence or references to support the arguments. - Some sweeping generalizations (e.g., “Every machine disturbs nature”) weaken logical rigor. *Comment:* Conceptually rich and morally compelling, though more persuasive reasoning and real-world examples would strengthen the argument. ------------------------------ 🧩 *2. Organization & Structure (25 marks possible) → 19 / 25* *Strengths* - Flows from the idea of natural harmony → human disruption → educational reform. - Paragraphs follow a thematic logic. *Weaknesses* - Some transitions are abrupt. - Lacks a clear introduction and conclusion; ideas feel continuous rather than framed. - Repetition of “free and healthy nature” slightly dilutes impact. *Comment:* The essay reads more like a philosophical meditation than an academic argument, which works poetically but not structurally. ------------------------------ ✍️ *3. Style & Language (25 marks possible) → 21 / 25* *Strengths* - Vivid, lyrical, and passionate prose; excellent command of metaphor. - Phrases like “The Ecology of the free and healthy nature is actually the manual of Rapture” are memorable and poetic. *Weaknesses* - Some sentences are long and complex, causing occasional obscurity. - Capitalization (e.g., “Biosphere,” “Rapture”) feels inconsistent or rhetorical rather than grammatical. *Comment:* The style is striking and evocative — closer to philosophical literature than formal essay writing — but occasionally sacrifices clarity for rhythm. ------------------------------ ⚙️ *4. Mechanics & Coherence (10 marks possible) → 7 / 10* *Strengths* - Generally grammatical; punctuation mostly correct. *Weaknesses* - A few run-on sentences and missing apostrophes (e.g., “humans’ live”). - Minor typographical inconsistencies. *Comment:* A light edit for syntax and punctuation would polish the text considerably. ------------------------------ 🧮 *Total: 80 / 100* 🎓 *Grade: A- (Excellent / Very Good)* ------------------------------ 💬 *Evaluator’s Summary* *“Contending With Failure”* is a profound ecological-philosophical reflection that fuses emotional, ethical, and environmental awareness into a single vision of “rapture through harmony.” Its strength lies in passion and originality; its weakness lies in academic precision and argumentative structure. With clearer organization and some evidential grounding, it could reach a solid *A or A+* level in an environmental philosophy course. ------------------------------ Would you like me to show what an *improved revision* (A+ version) might look like — one that keeps Sarma’s voice but reads more academically polished? -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Thatha_Patty" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. To view this discussion visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/thatha_patty/CACDCHCJvY4DKALavtL0rkjgOd1MTseDz72x3MVRwgp7j0td0kw%40mail.gmail.com.
