interview with the vampire
A Vampire Chronicles parody by _Twi_ (mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]) , August 2000.
Rated PG.
LOUIS:
I am a vampire.
INTERVIEWER:
Really?
LOUIS:
Yes. Now I will have a 200-page flashback.
(1791. Louis' brother dies.)
LOUIS:
Life sucks. I want to die.
(Lestat bites him.)
LOUIS:
No, wait. I don't want to die.
LESTAT:
Too late.
(Lestat makes Louis a vampire. A lot of people die. Then Louis' plantation
is burned down. A lot more people die.)
LOUIS:
This sucks. I hate you, Lestat.
LESTAT:
I know. That's why I'm going to trick you into helping me make this little
girl a vampire.
LOUIS:
Okay.
CLAUDIA:
I represent Anne Rice's wishes that her dead daughter would have lived
forever. Never being able to grow up sucks.
LOUIS:
Yes. Let's get that mean Lestat.
(Louis and Claudia think they kill Lestat, only he isn't really dead. Then
they go to Europe.)
LOUIS:
There aren't any other vampires like us. This sucks. Wait, yes there are.
OTHER VAMPIRES:
We are seductive and evil. We will punish you for creating a child vampire,
even though our leader is only seventeen.
(Claudia dies. Louis escapes and burns down the Theatre de Vampires. He
meets Lestat later. Then he decides to give an interview, neatly bringing us
back
to the present.)
LOUIS:
Immortality sucks.
INTERVIEWER:
Actually, it sounds pretty cool.
LOUIS:
It's not.
(He bites the Interviewer.)
THE END
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