(http://digitalmidnight.simplenet.com/archive/sosindex.html) By Lady Black Death, © 1995 [EMAIL PROTECTED] OFFICIAL STATEMENT: This is a non-profit, amateur effort and does not intend to infringe upon the rights of Random House/Knopf, Lestat de Lioncourt, Howard O'Brian or any other copyright holders which I may be unaware of. SPECIFIC SPOILER WARNING: If you are going to read Elements, the sequal to Shadow Dancers, read this later. Elements is based upon this work. The one thing I remember most is the last time I saw Louis. I mean, the very last time - the last glimpse of his face. It's branded into my mind's eye. His hair, damp from sweat and his trip through the waterfall, hanging in tight waves around his face; his expression, grimly determined, tragically beautiful, and the personification of grief. And the fear - oh, it was there. He fought it, tried to hide it, but I could tell. He was horribly afraid. I clawed at Lestat with my vampire strength to no visible effect. Louis watched, unharmed by the hurricane wind, as the fallen god dragged me from the cave... And my voice, audible even over the shrieking wind and falling rock, my scream echoing around us - one word - his name. "LOUIS!" My hand, outstretched, fingers reaching for him, everything I was begging for him to come to me... then nothing. We have danced with the Devil. The price was, indeed, our soul. The questions run ceaselessly through my mind, followed at once by answers I have no wish to hear: "Why him? Of all of us, why him?" - of all of us, who else _but_ him? How else could heaven teach a lesson to one such as Lestat? Such poetic retribution. Death pales significantly by comparison. "Please let me die." - ah, but you know you can't. They won't allow that any more than they allow his life. We are condemned, helpless before beings greater than ourselves, before a scope far larger than we might have ever dreamed. "How could Lestat have done this?" - how could he not have? Would you rather break his spirit? Tame him? "Isn't that exactly what has happened?" - No, and thank God in heaven for it - the only thing left is Lestat's pain, which provokes the rage. If he had been broken, he would feel nothing at all. "Why couldn't it have been me instead?" - You tried, my love. (That sounds suspiciously like Lestat's voice, in reply) You tried, and almost succeeded. Nothing more you could do. You tried... "When will this pass?" - Ageless time will heal, somewhat, but it will never fade altogether, so get used to it. Mourning Louis, this intolerable grief, the unbearable pain, has become a staple of life. "Oh please..." By then I don't know who I'm begging, or what I'm begging for. Please, bring him back to us. Please, let this be a dream... let me wake up. Please take me instead, let me die. Please don't kill him... not him... oh please... Generally, after that, I hear a scream. My heart screaming his name, as I replay that final moment once again - my final glimpse of his face. And the circle begins anew. "Why him?" Is this madness? Of course. But not enough, for I'm still _thinking_. Where is the pain which numbs the mind along with body and spirit? Even that is denied us. We go on, moment by moment (for there is no refuge in sleep from our suffering - not with nightmares such as these) with full knowledge of every detail. If I ever find Milton, when I reach my ultimate destination, I'll slay him where he stands. "It is better to rule in hell than serve in heaven" he wrote. What could this mortal possibly know of heaven and hell? I'vebeen there. I know. I choose heaven. Heaven was the three of us, happy, laugh ing, so blissfully in love. Wandering the globe in the sure knowledge that no matter what occurred, eternity together was what ultimately awaited. The peace of that knowledge - heaven. Did not Lestat say once that when he imagined the end of the world, the cessation of time, he knew Louis would be standing by his side? Well, come to think of it, that's possible. Louis will not stand with him _before_ then, but at the end of it all, they will probably be together again. And hell, my dear Milton? Hell is a state of mind. Louis resides in a physical plain, but I live in hell. This is hell. Welcome to it. As always, I jump ahead of myself. Lord God. You'd think Lestat would have learned a lesson from Raglan James. But if he had, he wouldn't be Lestat. When David became obsessed with his vision of God and Satan, the conversation they had, naturally he discussed it with Lestat. Drew Lestat into the vision. And when David took the next step, calling on one or the other for clarification... well who really believed they would answer? None of us, really, any more than mortals really believe in vampires. And when Satan offered the position to Lestat... ah, the temptation. It was a forgone conclusion he would take it. Just a matter of time. Just as Lestat offered David the Dark Gift. Just a matter of time. Lestat couldn't help himself - it's basic to his nature to take absurd risks like that, to challenge God himself. No matter that we were all in hysterics, begging him to rethink this decision... it was simply irresistible. Don't think the son of a bitch didn't know that when he offered the position to Lestat. He never had a chance. The bargain struck, he went alone to the meeting place, deep in the earth, where the transfer of power would occur. He forbade us to follow. He would have met with more success had he forbade the ocean to be wet. He threatened us with damnation, at the peril of our souls. Again, who can believe a threat like that - really, in the heart of hearts? What fools, all of us. With no concept of what awaited us, Louis and I followed where angels feared to tread. The entrance of the underground cave was guarded by a mighty waterfall. The power of the water would have torn mortal flesh from bone. Even with our strength it wasn't easy to penetrate that rock solid curtain. And once within... yes, he was playing with Lestat. With us all, for the fiend knew we would follow as surely as he knew Lestat would take the challenge. The biblical vision of hell awaited; rock and flame and bubbling lava, fumes rising in shimmering waves, the heat just at our level of endurance. Terrified, we watched as Lestat was once again betrayed, this time by the ultimate power, the Father of Lies. What had he expected, honor among thieves? Ah, Lestat. For all your experience, you are still a foolish child in so many ways. To take the position of Satan required a horrible price - his heart, his soul, certainly. But his love? The core of who he was? No, that was never part of the bargain. But too late. The power was changing. Lestat fought... he never had a chance. Heedless of the danger, the two of us charged from our "hiding place", surprising no one. I immediately begged for Lestat's life. The fiend took his time, allowing me to hope that he might consider my plea. "Let me take his place." I begged, on my knees before this abomination. "Take me instead... or allow me to serve you. Whatever the capacity, I don't care. Take me, but release Lestat." He seemed to think it over while Lestat raged. "Serve him? Above? Absolutely not! A vampire the literal tool of Satan, walking above..." he trailed off, only then realizing how absurd it sounded. Had he not claimed to be that all along? In any case, it had as much impact as my previous offer to Gentleman Death. None at all. He laughed, the monster. And then, with horrible finality, turned to Louis. And he knew. I saw the knowledge in his face, in his eyes. Louis had known all along. He said nothing, in fact he hardly moved, and yet somehow stepped forward, between Satan and Lestat. With sickening force I finally understood the game. It had never been Lestat they sought... but only by trapping Lestat could they force Louis into this position - to take the office "voluntarily". Not the vampire who preys on murderers and thieves, but the one who had been convinced of hell and damnation, and his place in it, for 200 years. Lestat and I moved as one, throwing ourselves at Louis, only to be rebuffed by the hurricane winds, the earthquake which rocked the cave, sending parts of the walls and ceiling tumbling down around us, rending the floor upon which we stood. Louis never moved, only stood watching us with calm acceptance, and more... an expression of devotion so far beyond love it cannot be described, only experienced. I finally understood the Christian concept of Jesus... Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world... The cave disintegrated, exploded. I would never have left. Lestat carried me, fighting every inch of the way, from the depths as it collapsed around us. The cycle begins once again. I can see his face, hear my voice... then nothing. The questions rage within my battered mind, old as death itself. Unlike me, Lestat didn't see Louis, but says he heard his voice in the wind, urging him out of the cave. Why not? It was so much easier when I didn't believe in God and Satan, when they were concepts every bit as abstract as Vampires. But now... God is real. It is by His divine design that we suffer so. Satan is real. He rules in hell. Hail the new Prince of Darkness.
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