Free-Reprint Article Written by: Kathy Stafford See Terms of Reprint Below.
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Additional Article Information: =============================== 677 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line Distribution Date and Time: 2007-11-01 12:12:00 Written By: Kathy Stafford Copyright: 2007, All Rights Reserved Contact Email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Kathy Stafford's Picture URL: http://www.dearkathy.com/images/kls_article_photo.gif For more free-reprint articles by Kathy Stafford, please visit: http://www.thePhantomWriters.com/recent/author/kathy-stafford.html ============================================= Special Notice For Publishers and Webmasters: ============================================= If you use this article on your website or in your ezine, We Want To Know About It. Use the following URL to let us know where you have used this article, and we will include a link to your website on thePhantomWriters.com: http://thephantomwriters.com/notify.php?id=5387&p=load HTML Copy-and-Paste and TEXT Copy-and-Paste Versions Of Article Are Available at: http://thePhantomWriters.com/free_content/db/s/overcoming-the-past.shtml#get_code --------------------------------------------------------------------- Overcoming The Past Copyright (c) 2007 Kathy Stafford, All Rights Reserved Dear Kathy http://www.dearkathy.com If there's one thing that makes a man feel useless, it's knowing that his girlfriend is in pain because of an abusive past and there isn't an easy way to fix the situation. As a guy, you're going to want to take charge and make her pain go away, but it's not going to be that easy. First of all, logic isn't going to work here. You might think there's some kind of magical formula you can use to make everything all better, but that's not how it works. Understand that from the beginning and decide whether or not you're committed enough to the relationship to help see her through this. Keep in mind that there is no easy fix, so it's going to take time and possibly more time than you might be wanting to invest. Think about that carefully. The last thing that your girlfriend needs is for you to tell her that you're going to be there to help her through this difficult time and then bail out on her when it looks like things aren't going as quickly as you'd like. When it comes to helping someone heal an abusive past, there's no set limit on how long it's going to take. There are steps that you can take that will help her, though. First, let her know that you're there and that you're willing to listen. This doesn't mean that she'll open up to you, of course, but it's important that she knows you're there. One idea might be to spend some time with her where you can focus on her and you can ask her what she's thinking. She might be ready to open herself up to you at this point or she might not feel it's the right time yet. Keep in mind that what she's going through is tremendously painful and it's important that she take her time and deal with it the right way. She went through something that was absolutely horrifying and she was powerless at the time. This is something that only she can work with on her own terms and you need to be strong enough to give her the room she needs in order to open up to you. When she begins to talk, you need to let her get it out. Don't interrupt her and ask questions. Instead, just let her have all of it come out into the open and from that point on, you can just wait until she's freed herself from what she's been keeping inside. Once she's put all of it into the open, find out how she wants to handle it. Again it's important that she's the one with power here. At this point, let her know that you're there for her but that the ball is in her court. As long as she knows that you love her and are there to support her, that will do wonders for what she's experiencing. Naturally, if she's not willing to open herself to you, you've got to respect that. Sure, she won't be able to move ahead with her life until the past is confronted, but she has to do that on her terms and on her timetable. It's not something that you can force her to do. You might try to find subtle ways to draw her out and to help her to open up, but make sure that you handle it in a very understated way. Then, when she does finally open up, all you need to do is sit back and listen, letting her know that you're there for her. When she's finished when the past is out in the open that's it. If she wants to bring it up, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the one to do so. She's had a horrific past and she's going to be haunted by it for a long time, but you can help her free herself from the past and let her concentrate on a present and a future filled with love and hope. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Kathy Stafford, Relationship Coach, I show singles how to get married and couples how to STAY married Do you want more from your relationship? Go to http://www.dearkathy.com for relationship articles, advice, and programs. Get Kathys new book, Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make When Shopping for a Man. and learn the right way to find a loving and committed life-partner. Order the book at http://www.relationshipremorse.com Copyright © 2007 Kathy Stafford / dearkathy.com. All rights reserved. --- END ARTICLE --- Get HTML or TEXT Copy-and-Paste Versions Of This Article at: http://thePhantomWriters.com/free_content/db/s/overcoming-the-past.shtml#get_code ..................................... 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