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| TO: |
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The President of the United
States |
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| FROM: |
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176 peace-loving people
of Canada |
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Your troops await your order to attack.
"Special forces" have been preparing the way for weeks.
Devastating sanctions have been weakening Iraq for
years.
But your plan to bring the world along on your
"pre-emptive" attack has largely failed. The world knows
it is not Saddam Hussein but the Iraqi people who will
suffer and die in this war. Yet you've given your word
that you'll follow through.
Recognizing the corner you have backed yourself into,
we the undersigned graciously offer you a way out.
Just walk away and come to Canada.
There is no more painless way to accomplish the
regime change the world is pulling for. To that end, we
offer not only you but your entire family and all of
your closest advisors asylum in Canada.
As your northern neighbour and famously loyal ally,
we feel it our duty to assist you to the best of our
ability in this matter. Of course, given your record, we
cannot allow you to hold public office or seek
employment in our oil industries or military during your
exile. We hope you understand. But consider this: after
meeting certain residency requirements, you and yours
will be beneficiaries of our universal health
care system and other aspects of our social safety net,
should they be required.
We realize you may need some time to make your
decision. Our invitation will remain open until
our patience runs out.
Sincerely,
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