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on 11/23/02 11:16 PM, Emcee Manno at [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:

> I even know that people DO NOT look as good as they do on mags because i
> wanted to be a makeup artist. Yet i have to wear makeup all the time and my
> hair has to be perfect.

I know that you wanted to hear from people the same as you, but with me it's
not like that at all. I only can put on a little blush and eye shadow when I
feel *good* about myself (and that is not so often)-- to me, when I have
makeup on it's like a big joke.... since there is no makeup that could get
rid of my GIANT arse!

In fact, since I've been (kinda') recovered I've been able to put on makeup
for the first time and nice clothes and feel like it was *fun* and I even
felt sexy and not "like a whore" (that's what I'd feel most of the time)
I even felt good (once) that I was "curvy" (and I think curvy is a gross
word most of the time)


Sometime I'd see some woman who was ... well ... fat ... and not just by
freaky "anorexic" standards. And I would see her all done up and so
*perfect* and I'd be so envious of her... you know? Since I don't have what
it takes (fat OR thin) to look that good... you know?

ah well.


-Susan


-- 

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read."  - Groucho Marx

http://futurebird.diaryland.com





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