From the January 11 Late Show with David Letterman.
10. Stories must be corroborated by at least two really strong
hunches.
9. "Evening News" pre-show staff cocktail hour is cancelled until
further notice.
8. Reduce "60 Minutes" to more manageable 15-20 minutes.
7. Change division name from "CBS News" to "CBS News-ish"
6. If anchor says anything inaccurate, earpiece delivers an
electric shock.
5. Conclude each story with comical "Boing" sound effect.
4. Instead of boring Middle East reports, more Powerball drawings.
3. To play it safe, every "exclusive" story will be about how
tasty pecan pie is.
2. Not sure how, but make CBS News more like "C.S.I."
1. Use beer, cash and hookers to lure Tom Brokaw out of
retirement.
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