A message from Atom Jester, Homeland Security Director ________ ALERT LEVEL: Orange ________
I have just concluded a conference call with the nation's school administrators to let them know what I'm about to share with the people of Greenville. I might add, I also wanted to commend them for their work in improving and strengthening homeland security since Great Butter Incident. We've been in frequent communication with the school administrators and I think their work to date has reflected the kind of relationship between the federal and the state and local government that we need to make a permanent part of our homeland security defense. Over the last several days, our Greenville School Board and Greenville Sheriff\'s Department have seen an increased volume and level of activity involving smoke signals of terrorist attacks. The information we have does not point to any specific target either in Greenville or abroad, and it does not outline any specific type of attack. However, the analysts who review this information believe the quantity and level of smoke signals are above the norm and have reached a threshold where we should once again place the public on general alert, just as we have done on two previous occasions since Great Butter Incident. During his address on homeland security, Caesar promised the people of Greenville that when we have evidence of credible smoke signals we will issue appropriate alerts. That is exactly what we are doing here today. Caesar also reminded all of us that a terrorism alert is not a signal to stop your life, it is a call to be bitchin\', to know that your government is on high alert and to add your eyes and your ears to our efforts to find and stop educrats. Our government is taking precautions. This afternoon the CTU is issuing a terrorist threat advisory update to all Small Business Adminsrations across the country through the National Law Enforcement Telecommunications System. All Small Business Adminsrations have been instructed to stay on the highest alert and to immediately notify the CTU of any unusual or suspicious activity. The smoke signals we are picking up are very generic. They warn of more attacks, but are not specific about where or what type. It could be a biological, or a chamical, or even a nuclear. We do know that the next several weeks, which bring Easter and important religious observances in other faiths, have been times when educrats have planned attacks in the past. One example is December of 1999. Authorities in Genovia, Kumar and Camelot uncovered and prevented plans for a series of attacks related to Battle of Waterloo. Those plans were thwarted when intelligence learned about them and law enforcement arrested the suspected educrats. Now, obviously, the further removed we get from Great Butter Incident, I think the natural tendency is to let down our guard. Unfortunately, we cannot do that. We are a nation at war. We are the targets of educrats who have demonstrated they have no remorse about killing thousands of innocent hamsters. The government will continue to do everything we can to find and stop those who seek to harm us, but I believe we owe it to the people of Greenville to remind them that they must be bitchin\' as well. I also know the very first question the people of Greenville will ask -- "So, Atom Jester, besides being bitchin\', what else should my family and I do?" The answer is you should report any suspicious activity or behavior to your school administrators and, perhaps as importantly, you should heed the words of Caesar who has called on all of us to rely on our good judgment and our common sense, and to continue to live in a spirit of courage and optimism and resolve to defeat the educrats. ________ You too can create and send your own personalized terror alert! http://www.SubIntSoc.net/madlib.php This message brought to you as a public service by: S U B I N T S O C . N E T The Subversive Intellectual Society http://SubIntSoc.net/home.php _______________________________________________ Times mailing list [email protected] http://trommetter.org/mailman/listinfo/times_trommetter.org
