This is from Parentcenter.com, an excellent source of parental help. Here are the suggestions for a toddler (if the age of the "biter" was later given, I didn't see it).
Beth Benoit
University System of New Hampshire
Why toddlers bite
It can be shocking to hear that your toddler has bitten another child - or
to feel her teeth sinking into you. But the behavior isn't at all unusual.
Most toddlers have bitten someone at least once, as well as been on the
receiving end of an unfriendly chomp. Small children bite when they just
can't handle a situation - when they're overcome by fear, anger, or
frustration. Or they may bite because someone bit them. A major change, such
as a new baby in the family or a new home, can also cause emotional upset
that results in aggressive behavior. And sometimes toddlers bite simply to
gauge the effect it will have, because they're excited or overstimulated, or
as a misplaced expression of love.
Still, knowing that biting is common doesn't make it any easier when your
toddler's bitten another child, or when your child has been bitten. Not only
may you be upset to find out that she's been biting, but other parents may
be up in arms about the incident, and your child may no longer be welcome at
daycare, preschool, or playgroup.
Remember: The most important thing to keep in mind is that children don't
want to attack others - they'd much rather play, explore, and enjoy their
friends. Understanding what's behind biting is the first step in getting
your child to stop. "Think about what's going on with your child," says
Janis Keyser, a parenting educator and co-author of Becoming the Parent You
Want to Be. "Your purpose is not just to stop the behavior, but to help your
child grow." Here's how to help her on both counts.
What to do when your toddler bites another child
Make sure both children are safe. First, separate the children and make sure
they're out of biting distance of each other.
Stay calm, and don't blame or punish. Though you may be tempted to impress
upon your child the seriousness of her actions, harsh punishment can
actually make toddlers more likely to strike out. Experts suspect that such
punishment causes anger and resentment that, over time, can lead a child to
act out even more.
Help both children. Both the aggressor and the child who's been bitten need
your help. First you'll need to check the damage, and maybe provide some
medical attention along with plenty of warmth and caring. But don't forget
the child who did the biting. She may act as if she doesn't care, or like
she's unaware of how much pain she inflicted - after all, no one looks more
impassive than a child who's just hurt someone. But she does know what she
did. Being warm and caring to her, as well, will help her feel comfortable
enough to express her own emotions, both about the bite and about whatever
was frustrating or overwhelming her in the first place.
Encourage your toddler to come to you when she's upset. You may not be able
to be with her when she's having her hardest times - say, at daycare - but
she needs to learn that she can ask you or another adult for help. Suggest
that she come to you when she's having a hard time, and then give her your
full attention when she does. Think of her closeness with you when you're
together as a kind of insurance policy against acts of aggression when she's
not.
Talk about what happened. Once you've both calmed down, pick a quiet moment
to ask your toddler, "How can you let someone know you're angry without
hurting him?" and "How can you ask an adult for help when you don't like how
other kids are treating you?" Do some simple role-playing to work through
these situations ("You be Tommy from daycare, and you take my bunny"). She
may pick up some lines she can use later ("No! I don't like that!"). Many
toddlers bite once, get help with it, and never do it again.
How to head off further biting
Think about when and why your child bites. Is it at playgroup, when another
child snatches away something she wants to play with? When other children
are crowding her? Does she try to bite you when you've been nursing the new
baby? Your child's teacher or daycare provider may also have clues about
what sets her off. After a while you'll probably be able to predict when
your toddler's likely to lash out, and be ready to intervene.
Watch your child closely. Warning signs such as crying, yelling,
foot-stamping, and lunging often precede biting. If she's been biting, watch
your toddler and step in before she does it again.
Stop her before she bites again. If signs are pointing to a new round of
biting, get physically close to your child and quickly and calmly stop her
from sinking her teeth into her target. You might say something like, "I
can't let you hurt Luis," or "Oh, no, I don't think I want those teeth any
closer," while you gently but firmly hold her forehead a few inches from
your shoulder, or cup your hand gently over her mouth.
Stay warm and loving toward her. This may be hard when you're trying to
prevent a new round of biting - you may be emotional yourself or feel
enormous pressure to yell or stop her by force. But if you can remember how
much you love her while you're restraining her, she may feel safe enough to
show you how sad or mad she feels. "It really helps to get yourself on your
child's side," says Keyser, "and remember that she's doing the best she can
at any given moment." She may be able to tell you about her feelings in
words or she may not, but it doesn't really matter. You may have to
intervene this way a number of times before she's able to stop herself from
biting.
Go with her on play dates. You may need to go along with your child on play
dates until the problem resolves itself, or at least warn play date parents
about the biting problem ahead of time and give them a few tips on what
tends to work best with your child. If you think they won't be able to
handle the situation in a calm and loving way, put off the play date until
later.
Never bite your child back. Some parents think this drives home the point
that biting is painful. But what it really does is show your child the wrong
way to deal with aggression - that is, by becoming aggressive in return.
Even "love bites" from parents can contribute to a child's biting - so never
bite your child, even in fun.
Demystify biting. Talk about biting - but don't preach - or play a simple
game. Ask your child to tell you some foods she likes to bite. Or name
everyday objects (a cupcake, a table, a dog, a banana) and ask her whether
they're okay to bite. You can get progressively sillier (a car, the vacuum
cleaner, Daddy's shoes) and both of you can laugh about it.
Talk to your child's teacher or daycare provider. First, try to find out
more about the environment you're leaving your toddler in. Does the teacher
make an effort to intervene in aggressive behavior, whether it's biting,
punching, or constant teasing? You want to make sure you're not leaving your
child in the middle of a free-for-all where children must fend for
themselves. If you're satisfied that the teacher has the situation under
control, ask how she deals with biting - veteran teachers and daycare
providers often have a bag of inventive tricks for dealing with common
behavior problems that are worth trying out at home, too. This is also a
chance to find out whether their responses to biting incidents are doing
more harm than good.
Give her a biting substitute. Some preschools keep bowls of apples around
and give an apple to a child who's biting. It's a good, satisfying
alternative if she just has to sink her teeth into something!
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