My gosh, Ken, it's been
really astounding. Americans keep washing up on the shores of Lake
Ontario! One even ignited spontaneously after a particularly oily swim.
:-)
--
Christopher D. Green
Department of Psychology
York University
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
M3J 1P3
e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
phone: 416-736-5115 ext. 66164
fax: 416-736-5814
http://www.yorku.ca/christo/
============================
.
Ken Steele wrote:
-------- Original Message --------
Canada busy sending back Bush-dodgers (Headline in the Columbus
Dispatch on
11/16/04)
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop
the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting
the
exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say
it's
not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights
activists
and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I
said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him
my
screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that
blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
wouldn't
give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to
sometimes-ingenious
ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior
citizens on
bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian
immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed
senior-citizen
passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence
Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does
one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The
president is
determined to reach out."
:) www.coconutharrys.com
---
You are currently subscribed to tips as: [email protected]
To unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
|
