I wrote this Sunday night on the inside cover of my crossword
puzzle book
while languishing in the Atlanta airport:
So, here I am in the Atlanta airport returning from three
exhilarating and
rewarding days at the Lily-South conference on college teaching in Greensboro,
North
Carolina. And, that's an understatement. It's 9 p.m. The place is a
cacophonous mad
house. No exaggeration. Flights are being cancelled; planes don't have crews;
delays are
rampant; people are contorted in less than inviting seats surrounded by walls
of carry
ons. The gate for my flight had been changed. No seats here at the new one.
I'm sitting
on the floor, leaning against a pole next to the automated trash can with all
these
familiar and unfamiliar, expected and unexpected, dissonant and rhythmic,
inviting and
uninviting sounds, movements, images, and smells pulsating around me. I know;
it's a
mixed metaphor. My only defense for this grammatical offense is that I've been
here
waiting, waiting, and waiting since 5:30 p.m. And, this is after I had waited,
waited,
and waited for three hours before that in the Greensboro airport. Having a
Ph.D. doesn't
mean you always smart enough to make the best of flight connections. Now,
they've just
told us that the plane to Valdosta will likely be delayed another hour or two.
I've
already done 16 Sunday LA Times puzzles in my book! But, how many crossword
puzzles can
you do before you get cross-eyed? I'm tired of crossword puzzles. I am just
plain tired.
Well, actually, there's nothing plain about my fatigue. My exhaustion is not
from all
this waiting. I've just spent three days of intensely passionate listening,
presenting,
talking, exchanging, sharing, teaching, and, above all, learning.
Popeye, the Sailor Man, said, "Youse gets out whats youse puts in."
Well, I
must have put everything I had into the conference because it sucked out almost
every bit
of energy I have. Without fear of being accused of hyperbole, my brain is
crammed; my
muscles are numb; my adrenal glands are drained; but, my heart is full.
Actually, I'm
jotting down these words because a few minutes ago, as I got up to stretch my
aching
gluteus maximus that was just about maxed out, I had reached into my pocket for
some
change to get a Coke and had felt the soft torn piece of paper of my spiritual
word for
the day. Having forgotten what it was, I had taken it out, carefully had
looked at it,
and slowly had fondled it. It read "reflection." Sometimes you don't ask.
So, here I am reflecting on having spent three days in community
with long
time colleagues, but more importantly friends, such as Todd, Jim, Laurie, Ray,
Barbara,
Maggie, Bill, Linda, Jane, Scott, and Milt. I met new colleagues, and
hopefully new
friends, such as Michelle, Renee, Kurt, Sandy, Brian, Peter, Jane, and host of
others.
They're all spiritual people, you know, whether they know it or not, and
Lily-South was a
spiritual experience whether its organizers and participants know it or not.
Why?
Because I think a spiritual person is a person who is far less godly than she
or he is
deeply human. These people, these "questers" on their pilgrimage to help
others. They
are alchemists who turned a mere bagel and cup of coffee on a breakfast buffet
into a
feast, a normally impersonal hotel into a warm and inviting home, a chat into a
penetrating learning moment, strangers into embracing friends, a professional
conference
into an meaningful personal experience. Each of these people is a spiritual
person
because of their otherness. What do I mean by that? Well, a spiritual person
is a person
who is far less into her/himself than she or he is into others. And, a person
who, alone,
has seen something beautiful, who has heard something melodic, who has tasted
something
delicious, who has smelled something fragrant, does not completely enjoyed it
until she or
he experiences the complete joy of sharing her or his joy with others.
You know; the more I think about it, the more I realize I had left
out one key
ingredient when I talked of my daily renewal and resilience plan a couple of
months ago.
I didn't talk about conscious reflection. It's not enough to have a spiritual
alphabet
and pick a word to live by each day. You've got to think of and identify the
things that
happened that day and reflect on why they occurred because of the word you
decided to live
that day. That's what I do over a glass of wine and some cheese while I'm
quietly sitting
with Susan. I guess that's what I am doing right now. I reflect on a bunch of
happenings, things as simple as saying "hello" to a maintenance worker, holding
a door
open for someone, smiling at someone, or whatever. For me it's a way to savor
the
pleasing feelings, thoughts, events, and activities as I do a glass of wine or
a warm
shower or a good meal or a snuggle with Susan. I find that the day's signature
attitude
and feeling, that word from my Spiritual Alphabet, engages me in satisfying
activities and
make me see satisfying activities others are doing. As I told Renee Love at the
conference--I think I told her--the way things are going in my life depends on
how I
choose to feel, that my feelings are really my most sincere expectations, that
they are my
ultimate prayer, and that every part of my life picks up the signals from those
expectations. For example, the day I talked with Renee and later with Sandy
and still
later with Kurt and Michelle and Jane was the day that my word from my
Spiritual Alphabet
was "listen." Again, I don't ask. I see now that by sincerely admiring the
beauty of
their desires to help others, I became more beautiful; when I truly appreciated
their
creative work, my own creativity grew stronger; when I acted respectfully
toward their
during our conversations, I was more respectful of myself and my own
possibilities; when I
was generous with them, I found life was generous; when I admired their
compassion for
students, I found everything and everyone around me admirable; when I listened
to the
passion of their words and saw the passion in their faces, that passion found a
place in
me as well. And, all that was true when I talked with a bunch of others.
Here I am, in the Atlanta airport, carrying echoes of the people to
whom I was
exposed these past few days. If my thoughts, feelings, words, actions, and the
results
all take their cue from the way I feel, then I have to choose how I feel about
myself,
others, and what I am doing. That is how my life will play out. That's what
any Lilly
conference is about. It's putting me amid people where the goodness of life
accumulates
within me. Now, as I go back into the classroom thirsting to see the students
present
their Dr. Seuss books, that goodness, and its subsequent riches, will grow.
But, there's nothing automatic about it. I'm not talking about a
once-in-a-while, convenient, comfortable effort. I'm talking about an
every-moment-of-every-day effort in everything I touch, taste, smell, hear, and
see. Nor
is it having a goal; it's not reaching a place; or it's not having everything
in place.
So many of us think that when we get everything just right, and obtain certain
goals and
circumstances--tenure, a publication, a grant, a conference presentation--
everything will
be in place, we will be happy, and all will be right with the world. Life
doesn't happen
that way. If we want things, such as the classroom, to be perfect, want things
to go
smoothly, want things to go as we wish, want things to be easy and convenient
and
comfortable, we'll be waiting a very, very long time. Life throws us lots of
curve balls.
But, if we can only hit straight, fast balls, we'll strike out every time, get
disheartened, and burn out. You see the whole thing is about not being in new
places, but
seeing the very place where you are with a new "heart set."
My alphabet, and especially reflecting consciously on the impact of
living it,
gives me a shot at taking the initiative and filling both my professional and
personal
life with as much love and joy and goodness and positive experience as I can
imagine. I
see that each day is overflowing with wonderful possibilities, that I can take
hold of
those possibilities, and dive deeply into their richness. I let go of concerns
about what
others would think. I let go of far-fetched worries about what might go wrong.
Day after
day, by my words, my actions, and my thoughts, I chose my own path. And that
path has
brought me to precisely where I am and who I am.
I'll tell you. I don't chase happiness. I live it where I am. I
am grateful
for where I am. If I am driven by anything, it is helping that student help
him/herself
become the person she or he is capable of becoming. My alphabet is a constant
reminder
that there is only the slightest connection between my circumstances and the
joy I
experience. Each moment is what I make of it. There is a bunch of positive
and negative
influences out there. They're both sitting on my shoulders and whispering in
my ears.
The only ones I listen to are the ones I allow to resonate inside me and I
choose to
identify with. This alphabet, and reflecting on the effects of living it each
day,
doesn't allow the least little setback to get and keep me down as much. I
don't cling to
outdated assumptions as much. I don't look through opaque presumptions as
much. I don't
let burdensome conditions own my happiness as much. I don't miss out on so much
of life in
an attempt to maintain a sense of comfort and security as much. I don't let my
fears stop
me from living the rich and full life I was created to experience as much. I
don't allow
myself to be a victim of circumstances as much. I don't hold myself down as
much. I see
beyond the limits of my perceptions. I understand the power of choice that is
mine. I
know that it is I who has the waters to douse the flame or the fuel to feed it.
No, each
and every choice I make determines the details of how my life will proceed.
Enough. Back to waiting with crossword puzzle No. 77.
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier www.therandomthoughts.com
Department of History www.newforums.com/L_Schmier.htm
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
(229-333-5947) /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\____/\ \/\
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\ /\/
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//\/\/ /\ \_ /
/___\/\ \ \
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/\"If you want to climb
mountains \ /\
_/ \ don't practice on mole
hills" -/
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