After a week of suffering a cold my grand-daughters gave me with their
hugs and
kisses, I was ready to hit the pre-dawn streets. It was about 4:30 am. I had
brewed some
coffee, had read about UNC's victory over Arkansas, and had done a crossword
puzzle on
line. As I was finishing my coffee, I decided to take a passing peek at
yesterday's
e-mail. As I was deleting a host of uninteresting messages, one heading caught
my eye.
It read, "Damn You." I almost deleted it thinking it was a useless spam or a
student
complaint for having to prepare an issue paper over the weekend for today, but
curiosity
got the best of me. How wrong I would have been to have sent it off unopened
into the
abyss of cyberspace. As I read it, I could feel time slowing down. I read and
reread and
reread the words. Time stopped. I never did get to the streets. Here is a
part of it:
"Damn, I hate you. All those words for the day on the board have had
me thinking
in spite of myself. Those words for the day on the board last week especially,
"You are
condemned to a life of making choices," have gotten to me. You were sick as a
dog last
week but boy were those healthy words. I've been doing nothing but thinking
about them
and all the others and feeling them work their curing magic. They are words
for an entire
life. They built up like a storm that hit while in church during Easter
services. I
wasn't listening to the pastor say his usual stuff. I was hearing myself say,
"Damn, I
hate him." I said that to myself knowing I shouldn't swear in church,
especially on this
day. But, I had to because when I leave this class, if there is one thing I
will have
learned is that I make my own choices and I have to take responsibility for
those choices.
I am beginning to see that no one makes me drink or do drugs or not study. I
choose. No
one gets me into a bed or spreads my legs. I choose to do that. No sense
blaming anyone
else. I chose always to say yes. This stuff has been on my mind because I've
been
thinking of the things I let some guys do to me and because of what I have been
doing to
myself. No more. NO MORE! Those words have stuck I am sick of hearing me
blame
someone else for getting me upset, on my back, smoking weed, in a bar, away
from my books.
It is about time I realize I am worth something. I don't have to do those
things to show
anyone I am their friend or love them. I shouldn't have to be pressured into
doing things
I guess I see deep down I don't want to just to get along and be friendly and
because
others expect those things of me just to make them feel good. I am good enough
and I am
tired of choosing to think I am inferior and worth shit. I have to listen to
someone,
don't I? Why shouldn't I listen to you instead of some of my friends who want
me to drink
and smoke with them or to some guy who sees me only as a one night stand? You
were the
only one who kept after me, talking with me after and before class, telling me
how I was
disrespecting myself and how much more able I was than I thought and how I was
better than
I believed I was. But, you always said that I had to believe all that and have
faith in
myself, not you. So, here I am locked away in my room with tearing and mascara
running
down my eyes listening to you so I can hear myself. They're happy tears. I'm
telling not
just you, but more importantly, me. I am starting to believe and have faith.
I am no
longer taking any shit from anyone else, especially me. I don't care how
lonely it gets.
I am starting to choose from this moment on to know I am worth something
valuable and to
act like it, not to some guy and not to some ditzy friends, not to you, not
even to people
in my life who care about me. Most of all I am worth something to myself and
it's me who
has to be proud of me. That is what counts. Yeah. That's what really counts.
Damn, I
hate you for getting me finally to look at myself. Damn, I love you for doing
that....."
I share some of this message not to trumpet myself, but to tell you
that our power
as classroom leaders is greatest when we realize the huge opportunities that
may lay in
small opportunities present in each moment that are otherwise ignored and
wasted, when we
notice rather than ignore, when we labor to transform rather than overwhelm and
nourish
rather than starve and walk with rather than walk over and cultivate rather
than weed out,
when we have a strong sense of purpose to spotlight those potentially little-big
opportunities, when we see how the small ways can make a large difference, and
when global
warming prevails defines classroom climate instead of an arctic chill. I'll
repeat
something I told a colleague earlier: inspiration is far more powerful than
intimidation;
self-confidence, pride, enthusiasm reaps higher yields than insecurity,
disbelief, and
fear; aspiration will seldom occur in a hell hole of desperation; a smile is
more powerful
than a sneer; a tap of kindness will get you more than a slap of sarcasm;
spotlighting
strengths and talents is far more uplifting than focusing on weaknesses and
shortcomings;
fortifying a student's self-worth will get better results than tearing down a
student;
and, caring is far more invigorating than not giving a damn.
I have a quote from e. e. cummings over my computer that I gaze at
every day as a
reminder of my vision to be the person who is there to help a student help
her/himself
become the person she or he is capable of becoming: "We do not believe in
ourselves until
someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of
our trust,
sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder,
spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." That is
especially
true for one so young, inexperienced, and especially powerless as a first year
teenage
student.
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier
http://therandomthoughts.edublogs.org/
Department of
History http://www.newforums.com/Auth_L_Schmier.asp
Valdosta State University www. halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
(229-333-5947) /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__/\ \/\
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/\/
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//\/\/ /\
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mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" -
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