Whew! Aaah! The semester is over. I'm finished playing academic god.
The very
uneducational final grades are in. I'm tired; my eyes are bloodshot; my neck
is stiff; my
muscles ache, all from a week of pouring over the records of the semester-long
performances of 180 students: issue papers, project participation, film
watching,
journals, communication logs, film study question answers, etc... Because
background,
outside influences, inside influences, struggle, learning from mistakes,
process, and
progress are the names in my games, I don't play act at being an animated
calculator.
Over and over and over again I went back to notations I've made from journal
entries,
individual community project evaluations, comments on conversations I've had
with
students. A major part of those records are hard-copy, free-hand final
evaluations: 180
self evaluations by the students; almost 800 evaluations of other members of
students'
communities. Most students were honest. I could almost predict those who
wouldn't be.
Some surprised me one way or another. Most, however, were not easy on their
community
members and harder on themselves, sometimes more insightful and more demanding
than I
would have been. Sometimes, I felt a need to go back and read portions from
the nearly
14,000 individual journal entries. I've read of nasty parental divorce,
parental pressure
and ultimatum, serious family illness, major injury, major medical issues,
boyfriend
issues, insecurities, girlfriend issues, friend issues, marital relationships,
job issues,
trouble with the law, demands of sports, car accidents, demands of theater,
demands of
band, car breakdowns, robbery, naiveté, family pressures, peer pressures,
gender issues,
racial issues, lack of self-confidence, sorority demands, demands of
fraternity, sex,
drugs, alcohol, lack of discipline, pregnancy, lack of commitment, STD,
roommate issues,
financial pressures, marriage, academic issues, children, extenuating
circumstances,
debilitating disease, abuse, --and even threats of suicide that sacred the hell
out of me
and led me to call in the counseling office and campus security. I don't
trivialize,
dismiss, or ignored these pressures, distractions, burdens, and troubles each
student
feels. These hosts of slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are real to
these mostly
very young and inexperienced-in-life students. Other than a few
"non-traditional"
students, they're kids, not adults. So, I honor each of them. But I have to
figure out
how each fits into the mix of things. I'm not one of those "the grades made me
do it" or
"that's what the computer said" kind of guy. Sometimes I wish I was; it would
be so much
simpler and easier to give quizzes and tests, percentage out everything, add,
divide,
multiple, and let the numbers do my walking. But, that's not me, my vision, my
sense of
purpose, or my philosophy of education. As I compress it all into that single
letter, I
struggle; I agonize; I curse; I consider; I cry; I snarl; I laugh; I weight; I
bite my
lip; I stop, lean back, close my eyes, and think; I gnash my teeth; I sigh; I
smile; I
adjust; I reject; I accept; I have a glass of wine;; I demand; I plead a
"Please." I
woefully utter a "Damn;" I exclaim a "Yes!"
While I humanize this process and season it heavily with the spices of
empathy and
love, and while I don't expect perfection, I'm far from being a push over.
While I
introduce a lot of fun in the learning process, I define "fun" as the opposite
of
"boredom," not the opposite of work. While I am a loving empath, I practice a
lot of
tough love. Lots of tough love!! I hold their feet to the fire; I don't
easily or
quickly leave them off the hook. Except for extenuating circumstances, I brook
few "I
apologize" excuses, "I'm not used to" justifications, "I'm sorry" explanations,
and "I
tried" rationalizations. Yoda's words are always ringing in my ears: "Try
not. Do. Or,
do not. There is no try." The students knew what was expected of them; they
knew they
had the "A" from the first day of class; they knew what they had to do to keep
that "A;"
they knew that from my constant "sermonizing" to the entire class throughout
the semester;
they knew that as I got in their individual faces; they knew that from my
constant replies
to individual journal entries: give it everything you've got, however
challenging it
might be; do whatever it takes, however inconvenient and uncomfortable, to do
what you had
to do. I would be of little service to them if I required any less.
Now, there's a batch of180 evaluations I save for last. In fact, I
don't read
them until I've entered and locked-in the grades. They're hard-copy, free-hand
evaluations of me, my performance, the structure and operations of the class,
as well as
suggestions for modifications, deletions, additions of class "stuff." These
are critical,
for virtually everything that goes on and does not go one in class is the
result of
student recommendations. As I read these, I realize once more that when we
think of
teaching as loving, caring, creating, and adventuring, we are all functioning
at a small
fraction of our capacity that would allow teaching to be one of the most
adventuresome
experiences of our lives. That's not touchy-feely new age stuff; that's a firm
commitment
based on reason. It is because of truly caring, of living it rather than being
satisfied
with merely saying it, that you develop a responsibility to help each student
help
her/himself become the person she or he is capable of becoming. When your
feelings,
thoughts, and actions are guided by an unconditional caring in your heart for
each and
every student, when you live right inside that caring rather than admiring it
from afar,
when your soul is dyed with that caring, when everybody is in your eyes a
somebody, when
you extend to each student all the care and kindness and empathy and love you
can
muster--no matter how trivial the contact, no matter how small the kindness,
and do it
with no thought of any reward or recognition--you will never be the same again.
Teaching
from the heart is teaching of the heart. Do that to your fullest and you will
experience
the most beautiful compensation in teaching that no salary or title can
match--and no
economic downturn can reduce.
I'll read these evaluations of me a couple of times before fall
semester begins.
But, for now, I'm packed and in a few hours I'll be out of here for a month of
teaching in
China. Have a happy summer, and.....
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Department of History
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
(229-333-5947) /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__/\ \/\
/ \/ \_ \/ / \/
/\/
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//\/\/ /\
\__/__/_/\_\
\_/__\
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills"
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