>From: "rachel pisacreta" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >Subject: STUPID GUY >Date: Tue, 10 Aug 1999 18:38:08 PDT > >>>Real life "I ain't too bright">> > >August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay >>>Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de > Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own > contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's > performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's > concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited > firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of > dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute > into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass >trombone. >>>Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through > bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would > shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the energy of > the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute high above > the orchestra, like a rocket." >>>However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to > use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before > the firecracker went off, he failed to raise the bell of the horn > high enough so as to give the mute enough arc to clear the orchestra. >>>What actually happened should serve as a lesson to us all during > those delirious moments of divine inspiration. First, because he > failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast > propelled the mute between rows of players in the woodwind and viola > sections of the orchestra, missing the players and straight into the > stomach of the conductor, driving him off the podium and directly > into the front row of the audience. >>>Fortunately, the audience were sitting in folding chairs and thus > they were protected from serious injury, for the chairs collapsed > under them, passing the energy of the impact of the flying conductor > backwards into row of people sitting behind them, who in turn were > driven back into the people in the row behind and so on, like a row > of dominos. The sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of > people falling on their behinds increased logarithmically, adding to > the overall sound of brass cannons and brass playing as constitutes > the closing measures of the Overture. >>>Meanwhile, all of this unplanned choreography notwithstanding, back > on stage Paolo's Waterloo was still unfolding. According to Paolo, > "Just as I heard the sound of the blast, time seemed to stand still. > Everything moved in slow motion. Just before I felt searing pain to > my mouth, I could swear I heard a voice with a Austrian accent say > "Fur every akshon zer iz un eekvul un opposeet reakshon!" Well, this > should come as no surprise, for Paolo had set himself up for a > textbook demonstration of this fundamental law of physics. Having > failed to plug the lead pipe of his trombone, he allowed the energy > of the blast to send a superheated jet of gas backwards through the > mouth pipe of the trombone which exited the mouthpiece, burning his > lips and face. >>>The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet. The force of the blast was so > great it split the bell of his shiny Yamaha right down the middle, > turning it inside out while at the same time propelling Paolo > backwards off the riser. And for the grand finale, as Paolo fell > backwards he lost his grip on the slide of the trombone, allowing the > pressure of the hot gases coursing through the horn to propel the > trombone's slide like a double golden spear into the head of the 3rd > clarinetist, knocking him unconscious. >>>The moral of the story? Beware the next time you hear someone in the > trombone section yell out "Hey, everyone, watch this!" > > >_______________________________________________________________ >Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com
