Jim wrote:
> I wonder if awful treatment like this may be influencing some
> of our views that
> spanking is abusive and wrong? How many of us do not spank our
> children
> because we were mistreated by our parents? How many of us did spanking
> become included with slapping, yelling, etc?
I can't speak for others, only for myself.
In my case, obviously my background (and the fact that I've been
counseling abuse victims for 30 years) plays a part in the strength of my
views--but there's another much more relevant factor as well.
We tell our children that it is wrong to hurt other people, that we
should solve our problems through talk, not hurting people, and that
"violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." Then we prove it by
hitting them when they disobey!
To me, there's something wrong with that picture.
In the documentary "Streetwise," there's a scene in which a man in prison
is being visited by his son. The man is in the process of lighting a
cigarette while he lectures his son on the fact that smoking isn't good
for you. He doesn't even seem to realize the hypocrisy in his actions!
When we tell a child that violence is bad, then turn around and use it
ourselves, we are simply sending a mixed message to the child that s/he
should "do as I say, not as I do."
In the case of Michael's arguments, he has even gone to a further
extreme--he argues that there is nothing wrong with teaching your child to
fear you--that viewing that as inappropriate is "eurocentric." Sorry, but
I can't buy that kind of nonsense. It is inconceivable that a parent who
_cared_ about a child would want that child to fear them. Respect them,
yes. But fear? That is so completely out of line that it would be
laughable if it were not being stated by someone who is in a position in
which he is teaching college students psychology.
We all know that our students tend to accept many of our statements at
face value--if we state that a given behavior is or is not appropriate as
a part of child raising, they perceive our statements to be sound
psychological theory, and something they can--and should--incorporate into
their own childrearing methods. How many members of this list feel
comfortable with the fact that at least one psychology instructor is
teaching students that it is appropriate for a parent to teach his/her
children to fear him--and that it is an effective part of childrearing?
That is not, to me, a view that belongs in a psychology classroom!
Rick
--
Rick Adams
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Department of Social Sciences
Jackson Community College, Jackson, MI
"... and the only measure of your worth and your deeds
will be the love you leave behind when you're gone."
Fred Small, J.D., "Everything Possible"
