My response was similar to Larry's. I have three children. Once upon a
time, all 3 were under 5 years old-- at the same time. 5,3 & 1. I remember
those days. Child rearing practices can be so controversial. Well, here
were some of my responses to tantrums:
1)I think Larry's idea of directing was good. It works, too. Instead of
directing, I would say that-- if they threw a tantrum and I "gave in" to
their demands, they might think it "worked". So, now that they have thrown
a tantrum, even if I could have been persuaded otherwise, I could not give
in and reinforce this behavior. If the trantrum worked this time, then they
might scream sooner and louder and longer next time they wanted something
for which I'd said NO, and that would be bad. So, given that they threw a
tantrum, compromise was out of the question. Take home message: choice of
tantrum is bad strategy with the mom.
2) I took advantage of other kids throwing tantrums in public places.
Pretend we're in the grocery store, and someone is doing the resistant
rubber kid response, back arching, screaming, hitting mom, etc. I take my
kid over to watch the scene like a spectator sport. "Hey, look, they're
throwing a tantrum. What do you think? is that attractive to you? does that
look good? look at the other people watching? what do you suppose they are
thinking? do they admire this kid? or do they think, there's a brat? that's
kinda what you look like when you throw a tantrum. what do you think the
mom should do now?" and so on. The commentary is safe from the distance,
and they usually have pretty good answers- like, they look silly, that's
annoying, the mom shouldn't give it to 'em.
Actually, tactic #2 was used in n=1 research with an autistic child. They
took pictures of the child during a tantrum. Later, in a calm moment, they
showed the child their own picture during the tantrum and discussed the
incident. Overall occurrence of tantrums decreased significantly.
3) I would use this same tactic, #2, only with them as the star. I would
say: by the way, you might want to look around. People are watching. Do you
think they are looking at me? No. They are looking at you. You look pretty
ridiculous right now. I mean, what if everybody were laying on the floor
kicking and bawling like you? (A little Kantian logic thrown in there.)
Wouldn't that be ridiculous? It's not working, and YOU look obnoxious.
4)If I was in a safe place, I might leave them alone in the aisle with
their tantrum. I would be keeping watch from the end of the aisle or via
the convex mirror (shop lifting prevention device mounted up high). They
would quieten and look around , but I'd be out of sight. The tantrum was
quelled without benefit of an audience.
5)If we were in a public place, maybe waiting in a slow line, and they
threw a tantrum, I might say: I bet you think I won't just park this
shopping cart and leave the store right now. You might think, ah, people
are watching and she'd be embarrassed. Well, that would be a mistake. I
know you must be tired, and you need a nap. I need for you to be patient
long enough for us to get through this line. But I want you to know that if
I have to leave right now, it won't be pleasant for you. I usually only had
to back up my promise ONCE, and that was enough to show that I would not be
intimidated by screaming in public.
It wasn't long before my girls learned better ways of getting what they
wanted. For example, instead of screaming for sugared cereals, they'd be
bringing me boxes of cereal with the nutrition label side presented for
inspection whilst reciting commercials: look, mom,two bowls of this cereal
with milk, plus two eggs, toast, and a bottle of orange juice provides 25%
of the minimum daily requirement of all these vitamins.....
Dr. Joyce Johnson
Assistant Professor of Psychology
Developmental/ Experimental
Centenary College of Louisiana
PO Box 41188
2911 Centenary Blvd.
Shreveport, LA 71134-1188
<http://www.centenary.edu/~jjohnson>
office 318 869 5253
FAX 318 869 5004 Attn: Dr Johnson, Psychology
