Nancy, I understand what you are saying. But, I have to "buts" ( one "t"
and no nasty comments please). First, who is be to the collegiality cop
on the block for all us? Collegiality or hard questions to one is
nastiness and flaming to another. It's in the eyes of the beholder.
Second, what of that ditty "sticks and stones can break......." That is,
as one of those "others" whose feelings are supposed to have been hurt,
since his barbs were thrown at me (I speak not for Anne, Nancy or Dave), I
am not sure how he hurt other people's feelings so much as other people
allowed themselves to be hurt. There is a difference. I for one won't
allow him or others to **dictate** to me how I should feel or cower in
anticipation of future flames. That's my decision. I have ownership for
my reactions and feelings, and it is that ownership that gives me my
integrity, authenticity, strength, and independence. Otherwise, I have
become an emotional slave to the actions and words, to imagined future
actions and words, of others over whom I have no control. And, at the same
time I then have the backdoor out from both responsibility, free will and
consequences for my own words or actions with the "he made me feel that
way" and "he made me do it" response. I have found that who we are is
far less dictated by others or circumstance than how we react to others
and circumstances.
When I admittedly let something get to me, I usually rip off a blistering
response, vent my spleen, calm down, get a hold on myself, and then erase
or rip it up. When I fail to do that, I usually deeply regret it and have
to apologize, publically or privately depending on where the comments were
made. Backfiring flames only starts a destructive firestorm that is
fueled by personal attacks.
And using this "Don" incident as a teaching moment, maybe there is a
lesson here for all of us. Let's be honest and look in the mirror. We
better leave our glass houses, stop, and enter a confessional before we
self-righteously and sanctimoniously start throwing stones and denounce
Don for flaming, disrespect, incivility, lack of collegiality. Flaming,
not just a strike of the match variety, is not unknown on this list, or
others. Whether you or I am right is not the point. If a person's
word(s), meaningless or meaningful, intended or unintened, can inspire or
squelch, heal or harm, are akin to sticks and stones and a soothing salve,
then we should think twice before we pull "a Don" by flaming or
bloopering. There is something about the goose and the gander, pots and
kettles, somewhere.
If are to learn anything from this, it is this: let respect be
our guide. Respect never silences, never hurts. Let
respectful disagreement or agreement, respectful listening and inquiry,
respectful rebuttal, be our guide, and then all will be well in
TIPSVILLE.
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Department of History http://www.halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, GA 31698 /~\ /\ /\
912-333-5947 /^\ / \ / /~\ \ /~\__/\
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