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>From the Chronicle of Higer Ed August 11, 2000
POINT OF VIEW
The Dog Ate My Disk, and Other Tales of Woe
By CAROLYN FOSTER SEGAL
Taped to the door of my office is a cartoon that features a cat
explaining to his feline teacher, "The dog ate my homework." It
is intended as a gently humorous reminder to my students that I
will not accept excuses for late work, and it, like the lengthy
warning on my syllabus, has had absolutely no effect. With a show
of energy and creativity that would be admirable if applied to
the (missing) assignments in question, my students persist, week
after week, semester after semester, year after year, in offering
excuses about why their work is not ready. Those reasons fall
into several broad categories: the family, the best friend, the
evils of dorm life, the evils of technology, and the totally
bizarre.
The Family. The death of the grandfather/grandmother is, of
course, the grandmother of all excuses. What heartless teacher
would dare to question a student's grief or veracity? What
heartless student would lie, wishing death on a revered family
member, just to avoid a deadline? Creative students may win extra
extensions (and days off) with a little careful planning and
fuller plot development, as in the sequence of "My
grandfather/grandmother is sick"; "Now my grandfather/grandmother
is in the hospital"; and finally, "We could all see it coming --
my grandfather/grandmother is dead."
Another favorite excuse is "the family emergency," which (always)
goes like this: "There was an emergency at home, and I had to
help my family." It's a lovely sentiment, one that conjures up
images of Louisa May Alcott's little women rushing off with
baskets of food and copies of Pilgrim's Progress, but I do not
understand why anyone would turn to my most irresponsible
students in times of trouble.
The Best Friend. This heartwarming concern for others extends
beyond the family to friends, as in, "My best friend was up all
night and I had to (a) stay up with her in the dorm, (b) drive
her to the hospital, or (c) drive to her college because (1) her
boyfriend broke up with her, (2) she was throwing up blood [no
one catches a cold anymore; everyone throws up blood], or (3) her
grandfather/grandmother died."
At one private university where I worked as an adjunct, I heard
an interesting spin that incorporated the motifs of both best
friend and dead relative: "My best friend's mother killed
herself." One has to admire the cleverness here: A mysterious
woman in the prime of her life has allegedly committed suicide,
and no professor can prove otherwise! And I admit I was moved,
until finally I had to point out to my students that it was
amazing how the simple act of my assigning a topic for a paper
seemed to drive large numbers of otherwise happy and healthy
middle-aged women to their deaths. I was careful to make that
point during an off week, during which no deaths were reported.
The Evils of Dorm Life. These stories are usually fairly
predictable; almost always feature the evil roommate or hallmate,
with my student in the role of the innocent victim; and can be
summed up as follows: My roommate, who is a horrible person,
likes to party, and I, who am a good person, cannot concentrate
on my work when he or she is partying. Variations include stories
about the two people next door who were running around and crying
loudly last night because (a) one of them had
boyfriend/girlfriend problems; (b) one of them was throwing up
blood; or (c) someone, somewhere, died. A friend of mine in
graduate school had a student who claimed that his roommate
attacked him with a hammer. That, in fact, was a true story; it
came out in court when the bad roommate was tried for killing his
grandfather.
The Evils of Technology. The computer age has revolutionized the
student story, inspiring almost as many new excuses as it has
Internet businesses. Here are just a few electronically enhanced
explanations:
* The computer wouldn't let me save my work.
* The printer wouldn't print.
* The printer wouldn't print this disk.
* The printer wouldn't give me time to proofread.
* The printer made a black line run through all my words, and I
know you can't read this, but do you still want it, or wait,
here, take my disk. File name? I don't know what you mean.
* I swear I attached it.
* It's my roommate's computer, and she usually helps me, but she
had to go to the hospital because she was throwing up blood.
* I did write to the newsgroup, but all my messages came back to
me.
* I just found out that all my other newsgroup messages came up
under a diferent name. I just want you to know that its really me
who wrote all those messages, you can tel which ones our mine
because I didnt use the spelcheck! But it was yours truely :)
Anyway, just in case you missed those messages or dont belief its
my writting, I'll repeat what I sad: I thought the last movie we
watched in clas was borring.
The Totally Bizarre. I call the first story "The Pennsylvania
Chain Saw Episode." A commuter student called to explain why she
had missed my morning class. She had gotten up early so that she
would be wide awake for class. Having a bit of extra time, she
walked outside to see her neighbor, who was cutting some wood.
She called out to him, and he waved back to her with the saw.
Wouldn't you know it, the safety catch wasn't on or was broken,
and the blade flew right out of the saw and across his lawn and
over her fence and across her yard and severed a tendon in her
right hand. So she was calling me from the hospital, where she
was waiting for surgery. Luckily, she reassured me, she had
remembered to bring her paper and a stamped envelope (in a
plastic bag, to avoid bloodstains) along with her in the
ambulance, and a nurse was mailing everything to me even as we
spoke.
That wasn't her first absence. In fact, this student had missed
most of the class meetings, and I had already recommended that
she withdraw from the course. Now I suggested again that it might
be best if she dropped the class. I didn't harp on the absences
(what if even some of this story were true?). I did mention that
she would need time to recuperate and that making up so much
missed work might be difficult. "Oh, no," she said, "I can't drop
this course. I had been planning to go on to medical school and
become a surgeon, but since I won't be able to operate because of
my accident, I'll have to major in English, and this course is
more important than ever to me." She did come to the next class,
wearing -- as evidence of her recent trauma -- a bedraggled Ace
bandage on her left hand.
You may be thinking that nothing could top that excuse, but in
fact I have one more story, provided by the same student, who
sent me a letter to explain why her final assignment would be
late. While recuperating from her surgery, she had begun
corresponding on the Internet with a man who lived in Germany.
After a one-week, whirlwind Web romance, they had agreed to meet
in Rome, to rendezvous (her phrase) at the papal Easter Mass.
Regrettably, the time of her flight made it impossible for her to
attend class, but she trusted that I -- just this once -- would
accept late work if the pope wrote a note.
Carolyn Foster Segal is an assistant professor of English at
Cedar Crest College.
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Section: Opinion & Arts
Page: A64
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Stephen Black, Ph.D. tel: (819) 822-9600 ext 2470
Department of Psychology fax: (819) 822-9661
Bishop's University e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Lennoxville, QC
J1M 1Z7
Canada Department web page at http://www.ubishops.ca/ccc/div/soc/psy
Check out TIPS listserv for teachers of psychology at:
http://www.frostburg.edu/dept/psyc/southerly/tips/
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