Diary, tonight, Wednesday, May 26, I'm diving deep, real deep,
spiritually and emotionally deep, so deep most people can't or won't dive there
with me. A few mornings ago I cut out a Buddhist saying from the "approved"
English language newspaper, China Daily, of all places. Buddhism is one of the
five "permitted" religions--no 1st amendment here-- in what so many Americans
think is atheistic, communist China! How about that! Talk about attacking
stereotypes! Anyway, it said, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire
universe, deserve your love and affection." That got me to thinking about some
"I can't" and "I'm not" self-depreciating stuff I had heard a few students
talking about as I inadvertently eased dropped while passing an open hallway
door. It reminded me of many a "It's not me," "I couldn't do that," or "I'm
not" negatives that I've heard many an academic utter and stutter.
In our Judaeo-Christian tradition, like in Buddhism, we are taught the
"do unto others" golden rule, the last part of which tells us just what it is
we are to do unto. We are told that the ultimate way to treat others is to
love our neighbor as we love ourselves. As we love ourselves!! But, we are
taught to so focus on the "neighbor" stuff that we so ignore the "ourselves"
stuff. In fact, the "ourselves" stuff makes so many of us uncomfortable when
we do that for ourselves or see others doing it for themselves. And if we do,
we often come under attack. We're told that to talk about ourselves is
egotistical in the worse kind of way: impertinent, arrogant,
self-righteousness, haughty, and so on. In the halls of ivy, we're made to
think, as someone once told me, that personal reflection and recognizing a need
for personal or professional change is a sign of incompetence and weakness.
We, especially academics, are convinced We've got it, we've made it, we've
arrived, or, even worse, there is nothing we need do about our situation.
Grammatically, we embody "living periods" and "living exclamation points."
And so, many of us don't step back and think of ourselves. We fail the test of
courage to become "living question marks," to stare at what are uncomfortable,
maybe painful, thoughts and feelings. And, it often creates something of an
emotional and intellectual laziness, even a feebleness, and a lot of defensive
anxiety.
Yet, that golden rule of love is an I/you communal, holistic concept
of serious obligation based on the mutual respect and equality of ourselves and
others. It says we have to turn inward if we are to do the right things
outward. Of course, it's easier and safer to see faults in others than in
ourselves; it's safer to blame than to assume responsibility. I mean, diary,
if we don't love ourselves, how can we love others? If we don't truly love
what we're doing, how can love doing it to and with others? We can't give what
we don't have to give. We can't understand others when we don't understand
ourselves. We can't tell others to be authentic when we hide behind masks,
costumes, titles, and positions. Yet, we don’t often think about the way we
talk to and treat ourselves. Lots of us don't' like that kind of reflective
and meditative self-conversation. It requires demanding and challenging
honesty and authenticity. It's downright risky.
Diary, I understand all this. Not just because of having been a
target of these assaults as I travel on my inner journey, but I can tell you
vividly before my epiphany about the time, effort, and energy it takes to build
and maintain walls. I can tell you that walls you think hide and protect
really imprison and enslave. Bastions that make you think make you feel safe
and at ease actually create an insecure and uneasy siege mentality. I also can
tell you how scary it is when you realize how you've held yourself captive. I
can tell you what it takes to break down those walls. At the same time, I'll
tell you what I also discovered: life and the level at which I live is a
matter of choice; I choose how to feel, think about, and react to anything that
comes my way; I will find peace not by trying to escape my problems, but by
confronting them courageously; I will find peace not in denial, but in
acknowledging. It's true, the truth does make you calm and free. Authenticity
takes away the strain to hide and the pressure to keep the doors closed and to
maintain fronts. Honesty allows me to devote my time and energy to productive
ends. Openness allows me to live a life of integrity. Inner strength is the
true protective armor against the slings and arrows hurled at me.
So, if we follow the biblical directive, loving ourselves opens us to
ourselves and others; being self-righteous means we feel we are worthy. As we
learn to have compassion for ourselves, the circle of compassion for others
becomes larger. Ego is bad only if goes, like anything else, to the extreme,
and disconnects and closes us off from ourselves and others. There is good
ego. I mean that nurturing of our self-esteem and self-confidence, as well as
our sense of self-meaning and purpose, is part of how we express ourselves; it
is how we get to the point that our purpose is to help nurture ourselves so
that we can help others nurture themselves. I mean with someone we don’t know
well or at all, we are careful to control the way we look at, much less see,
them, the way we speak to or around them, and to really hear, much less listen
to, what they are saying. And, that someone can be ourselves.
Through private and public sharing self-talk, through a "what do you
want to know about me" exercise at the beginning of each semester in class with
the students, I find it easier to be authentic, to be honest, to connect, to
see, to listen to, to speak with, and to express genuine love, empathy, and
compassion for others. We often feel that we don’t “deserve” to nurture
ourselves; we're afraid to reflect; and, we depreciate self-talk. So, it’s
understandable that we would have challenges talking to students like they’re
someone we love when we have challenges talking honestly to ourselves like
we're someone we love. But, as Ghandi said, if we want change, we should start
with ourselves; we should become the value we wish to have; we should become
the positive difference we'd like to see in the world. We humans are great, he
said, not because we can remake the world, but because we can remake ourselves.
As we can do that openly, we model for the students and give permission to
them to do the same. What Buddha and the golden rule are asking of us is
unconditionally engaging, daring, respecting, disciplined, rigorous--and
glorious. Told you, diary, I was scuba diving into the spiritual depths
tonight.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
Department of History http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
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(O) 229-333-5947 /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__ / \ /
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(C) 229-630-0821 / \/ \_ \/ / \/ /\/ / \
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//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\/
\_/__\ \
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" - / \_
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