All I could think about this pre-dawn morning were the beginning lyrics
from BLUE SKIES: "We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave...." Ain't
that the truth. I felt I was doing laps in my own pool for three miles.
Phelps and Locjte, eat your hearts out. It's hot, tres hot: 80 degrees, 85%
humidity, and the sun hadn't yet peeked over the trees. Yesterday, the heat
factor hit 111 degrees in my back yard! This morning, noon day sun or not, I
felt like a mad dog and Englishman for going out on the gray streets. How hot
is it? It's so hot down here we're roasting marshmallows merely by holding
them up in the air.
Talking about hot, the "old fashion" ringer on my IPhone rang
yesterday. It was Barbara. She didn't identify herself, but I recognized her
voice. And, this how some of our conversation went. Again, don't hold me to
being a word for word stenographer. Anyway, before I could get out a "hi," she
started off with a venting scream, the heat of which that nearly singed my ear,
"Dammit, Schmier, he did it again to me! The f****** son-of-a-bitch!
Teachers!! They're such shits!!!"
"Whoa," I interrupted, sensing a teaching moment as I gratefully
meandered out of the brutal sun and sat down by the "cool" koi pond,
"'Teachers?' I'm one of them. You calling me a 'shit?'"
"No," she said in a calmer voice, "You're a good one."
"So, I'm a 'good shit?'" I asked with a slight chuckle to calm her down.
"No, I didn't mean that. You know that," she laughed.
"Do I? How do you know what I know or the others who you've told this
know what you mean? What did you mean if it's not what you said? And, why
didn't you say what you meant? You lumped me in with 'they're.' You used the
wrong pronoun. So, here's another lesson. You've got to be careful both with
your words and the words you use when you talk with others. You just
stereotyped, generalized, impersonalized, dehumanized all teachers because of
one. You just made me into a clone of that professor. You just screwed up
your perspective and expectations. So, tell me, how is that different from
professors who say 'Students! They're so lazy!!' Or, 'Students! They don't
belong in college!!!'" Are you one of the 'they?'"
"No. I didn't think of it that way...." she meekly said as she quieted
down.
"Okay. Let's learn something from this. You should think of it that
way. We do that with athletes, Greeks, faculty, students, staff, men, women,
blacks, Hispanics, Asians, blondes, Moslems, Mormons, Jews, everyone. Everyone
talks about diversity and then we 'undiversify' people by lumping them into
herds of 'them' and 'they.' Then, you're no longer 'Barbara.' Instead,
you're 'a student' or 'a blonde' or a 'woman' or a 'just a small town southern
girl' as you once shyly described yourself to me, or whomever. Sure,
generalizations are a convenience of conversation--until they're used as if
they're real. THen, they're misused and abused, and become abusive. It's a
form of thinking, expressing, and communicating that suppresses the real
diversity around us: the unique and one-of-a-kind individual, you. Instead,
it throws that individual in particular pools, strips them of their individual
identities, and makes them into lock-stepping, robotic clones. Maybe, you're
being the brunt of that professor's stereotyping of 'students.' I mean, how
would you like to be put into a herd of 'blondes?'"
She really quieted down. "I have, and I didn't like it, especially the
'dumb blondes' and the 'whoring sorority sisters' ones. I've heard them both."
"Well? You just did it with 'teachers.' See what I mean? In your
eyes, am I a Louis, teacher, friend, or a shit?"
"A Louis. And, you're becoming 'a friend.'"
"Thank you, but remember that! Then, remember, this: what you imagine
is real; the place where you live and where others live in your eyes is your
perspective; your perspective is your filter and you've got to clean that
filter more now then than; the way you see yourself and others has a powerful
impact on what you make of yourself; the way you see others has an equally
powerful impact on what you make of them. And, you are free to choose to see
yourself and others in any way you choose. What you sincerely think of
yourself and others influences what you feel, think, and do. It's the power
you have to shape what you believe is real. You become what you believe about
yourself, and you treat yourself that way; others become in your eyes what you
believe about them, and you treat them that way."
"So, when you say that you love each of us, that's how you see us--each
and lovingly; and, that's how you treat us--each and lovingly? Even if
sometimes it's what you call 'tough, in-your-face love?"
"Yes. I don't know of any words that are really empty; they're full
of your perceptions; they're full of your emotions; they're full of your
thoughts; and sometimes they're just full of it, with the 'I really mean
anything by it' when you really did. That's why it matters and why you have to
be careful.
"But he was mean to me and few others, and he hurt me."
"You're hearing me, but not listening. So, he was mean. Maybe he
didn't mean to mean; maybe, you just took it that way. Either way, that
doesn't mean other teachers are automatically mean. But, if you think that
way, you'll look for and find meanness. You read my stuff. Notice that I
always struggle to qualify what I say with 'some,' 'a few,' 'too many,' 'not
enough,' or 'a professor,' or 'a colleague,' or whatever? Nothing is ever
total as a stereotype or generalization says it is. So, don't think or feel or
talk that way. It's a balance."
"But, you're making such a big deal out of a few words," she came back
in her defense.
"It is a big deal. Your thoughts aren't just thoughts; you words
aren't just words. You believe what you tell yourself, and you act on those
beliefs. So, you're like a signal tower who is sending signals out to yourself
and others. Your words have the power to make your mood, as well as change
your mood and effect the mood of others. Look at that professor, you let his
mood determine yours. You just have a mood that is now in a useless form. You
will see, listen to, and begin to understand other people only to the extent
you allow yourself to see, listen, and understand. So, you're in control of
the words you allow into your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Trust me, right
now, you're draining yourself of happiness. How can that professor 'hurt' you
without your permission. That professor isn't hurting you, you are." ."
"Well, if you're right, what should I do? I'm just so sick and tired
of walking into class wondering what terrible things he's going to say about
me. I'm just not happy in there and can't do my best."
"Sure you can! Stop feeling 'sick and tired.' Stop being on edge.
Stop being on your guard. Stop feeling that you're about to be pounced on by
some predator as if you're defenseless prey."
"I am defenseless. He's the professor. I'm just a student. He gives
me the grade."
"You're doing it again. You're stereotyping."
"Schmier!!"
"You're lowering your perspective of yourself. You're surrendering
yourself to others. You're telling yourself you need others for confidence in
yourself, to trust yourself, to believe in yourself, to respect yourself, to
survive, to succeed. Last time I looked that's called 'slavery.' You need to
look higher and not get yourself down. Otherwise, you'll let yourself down.
Yeah, true, he does give you the grade. No, false, you're not defenseless. If
you want to make the grade, your best defense is feeling relaxed, confident,
and happy; it's believing in yourself, having faith in yourself, having hope
for yourself in spite of what others say and do, not because of that they say
or do; it's not being uptight, or diminishing yourself by calling yourself
'just a student,' or by being sad. Your defense is in being positive and
fearless, not in being negative and fearful. Maybe you're too young to
understand what I am about to say. When you are truly at ease, you get rid of
the disruptive static and noise of disturbing feelings and thoughts, of anxiety
and worries; and, then, you will be relaxed and have inner peace. When you
have that inner peace, and let's call it self-esteem or self-confidence or
self-respect, that peace gives you an inner strength that nothing, not even
that professor, can sap. That's when the boulder in your way shrivels to a
pebble you can kick out of the way; that's when you can kill the fire-breathing
dragons. It's all a matter of choosing how you want to feel, relaxed or
uneasy, happy or sad, confident or unsure; and, on whom you're dependent for
that feeling, you or someone else. You know that I never give advice, but I'll
tell you what I doing right now. It's hot and muggy down here, not to mention
the hordes of gnats and mosquitoes swarming around me. I'm sweating but not
swearing; I'm not going bugs about the bugs. Instead of saying, 'I'm sick and
tired of pulling weeds and being attacked by gnat and mosquitoes while I'm
being fried to a crisp; I'm going inside,' I say 'I love growing my flowers;
I'm staying out here.' Sure, I'll go inside to cool off, drink some water, and
get a bowl of cold watermelon when my wife screams at me, but I'll go outside
again. The two points are: first, if I want it bad enough, it can be done;
and if it can be done, I'll find ways to do it. The second point is, the more
I want to get something done, the less I call it work; the less I call it work,
the less boring it is; the less it bore me, the less grueling it is; the less
grueling it is, the more fun it is; the more fun it is, the more I call it
love; and, the more I call it love, the more I'll do whatever it takes to do
it. Makes a hell of a difference on my attitude, feelings, thoughts, and
actions. You put on make-up this morning, didn't you?"
"Yes. Why?"
"First use a foundation, or whatever they call it nowadays, before you
used other stuff?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Why did you put it on?" I asked again.
"Oh, here we go again with some craziness. Well, I want to look good.
I feel pretty, beautiful, better, refreshed, alive when I do."
"Good. Now, make your inner emotional foundation a smile. It'll put a
smile on your face. Those muscles around your lips are the most powerful in
your body. Remember? I wrote on the board that they can lift the heaviest of
hearts to the greatest of heights? Be that way, and you'll feel emotionally
pretty, beautiful, better, refreshed, and alive; you'll find things to smile
about and you'll see beautiful things; and, you won't let that professor wipe
the smile off your spirit--or your face. I mean, whether I'm angry or annoyed
or having fun in my garden doesn't matter because the weeds are still there;
the flowers are still there. But, it's my choice to choose on which I focus.
It's that simple. Stop focusing on the weeds. Stop focusing on what's wrong.
When you do, happiness heads for the exit and you'll hurt. And, when you hurt,
you'll be living nightmares instead of dreams; when you're in a nightmare, you
fear and doubt and cower; and, when you fear and doubt and cower, you're won't
smile; and, when you won't smile, you won't be happy. And, when you're
unhappy, you'll stop yourself in your tracks because pebbles with expand into
obstructing boulders. Happiness is a matter of choice. Instead of
surrendering and saying, 'I'm sick and tired,' be defiant and say, 'I love.' I
do that every day. You using the 'positive word for today' technique I told you
about?
"Not really, no. I forget a lot of times."
"Don't forget. Do it. Make it a habit. Today, the word that came up
for me is 'delight.' That's what I've doing: delight in just being alive when
I shouldn't be, delight in my walking and being in shape, delight in my Susie,
delight in her steady recovery, delight in cold watermelon, delight in
succulent peaches, delight in my koi pond, delight in my flowers, delight,
delight, delight. Do you think I'm going to be sour about things, about the
heat, about the bugs, about weeds, about anything? Hell, no! I've got
'delight' not to get 'de-dark!' When you called, I could have moaned, 'Oh,
it's that pest again' or I could have been delighted it was you. I was my
choice. No, I'm making sure that I'm going to find ways to be delighted about
things all day today. That's how I struggle in my life; that's how I struggle
to live in the classroom. Do it. Get in the habit of doing it. Pick your
positive 'word for today.'" Watch what happens to your candle and the
darkness..
"Okay."
"I've got an assignment for you. Rent an old film called EDUCATING
RITA. Watch it and think about needing only you to value you, and not to let
anyone devalue you, especially you."
And, we talked a bit more and then I got back to my flowers, along
with mad dogs and Englishmen.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
Department of History http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
/\
(O) 229-333-5947 /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__ / \ /
\
(C) 229-630-0821 / \/ \_ \/ / \/ /\/ / \
/\ \
//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\/
\_/__\ \
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" - / \_
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