Haven't really been interested in sharing lately. I've had another
thing on my heart and mind. These haven't been the best of times. But, they
sure have been testing times. I've been focused, maybe "distracted" is a good
word, or "concerned" is a better word, or maybe "consumed" is the best word,
with Susie's sudden, inexplicable, untreatable, and apparently irreversible
blindness that she experienced in her left eye upon awakening one morning four
weeks ago while we were on a family care-giving mission in Boston. Then
quickly--and at times frustratingly no so quickly--followed referrals to an
opthalmologist, referral to a retina-opthalmologist, referral to a
neuro-opthalmologist, referral to a neurosurgeon, blasé secretaries, rigid
disinterested schedulers, inflexible by-the-rules staffers, nurses, PAs,
hospitals, triages, emergency rooms, blood tests, CAT scan, spinal tap,
arterial biopsy, high doses of bloating steroids, fear, depression, anger, and
total uncertainty. You name it. The words "urgent," "immediate," and
"emergency" were often used in a life-threatening context, but so often it was
of no matter. To many did not listen! So, it was so often became a war of
battle after battle after battle of self-advocacy to break through battlements
of an unbending and unfeeling medical bureaucracy that was so often deaf and
blind, so often void of empathy, sadly so absent of a sense of humanity. Now,
to be fair, we did encounter a few listening and loving angels. Thank goodness
for them. But, they weren't in the majority.
As you can imagine, "listening," "attention," "loving," and "empathy"
have been especially on my mind lately. Then, yesterday, out of the blue, came
a voice from the past, the second one in a week. "Hey, doc, I finally found
you. At least, I hope this is you.....in case it is, I just want to say to you
that I had figured out the secret madness to your teaching method, what I found
to be the most important learning I had taken with me from our class, although
I didn't realize it at the time and until some time later. That secret was the
best gift you could give each of us. And, once I unlocked your secret, I
started using it in my business every day with every person, employees and
customers, and with family and friends alike. You always had said that each of
us was a noble, sacred, human being with untapped potential. Your secret
attitude and action toward us was to live your words with what I now call
'respectful listening.' You listened to each of us. You noticed each of us. I
mean by that that you did far more than merely hear our words. I mean you
zeroed in on us and blocked out everything else; you intently considered what's
being said by whom; you were intensely interested in what is being said and why
it was said; you showed that you sincerely valued the person talking; and, so,
you showed that each of us was important and valuable. You never faked
listening; you never was thinking of something else while we talked; you never
ignored or dismissed as 'what do they know' foolishness what we had to say. I
never saw you roll your eyes or have an empty stare or have a bored gaze or
have a blank face. And, never did a denigrating word come out from your mouth
or did a smirk appear on your face. You listened more with your eyes and heart
than with your ears. You were always, always interested in what we had to say
and especially why we said what we said. And, you did this because you gave a
damn for each of us. You treated each of us as a human being in whom you
believed. You didn't just love to teach, you loved people. And, that is why
you loved to teach and reach and lift up. And, that made it reassuringly safe
for each of us, no matter what anyone said. So, if this is you, thanks for
your secret gift. It, more than anything else in any class, has made me
successful over these years both in business and life."
I read that heaven-sent message over and over and over again. Would
the many medical personnel Susie and I encountered in the last few weeks have
known and lived that secret. But, sadly "disrespectful and insincere
listening" is too often the way of too many people in every way of life,
including academics. Yet, did you know that the greatest need we each have is
to be noticed and heard? Did you know that greatest teaching tool you have at
your disposal is to notice and listen? Did you know that the greatest form of
support and encouragement, of instilling self-confidence, of valuing, of
respecting, is attention? Without listening there can be no empathy or
sympathy, no compassion, no respect. Attention is the most basic form of love.
Love and attention are poetry of the soul. Attention is an exercise in
mindfulness. And, we can behave this way in everything we do. We can
respectfully listen to every person, be intently attentive to every experience
we make, be sensitively alert of all that is around us, and be intensely aware
of every moment we live. Grace has to be more than an expression; it has to be
expressed in the way of living.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
203 E. Brookwood Pl http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta, Ga 31602
(C) 229-630-0821 /\ /\ /\ /\
/\
/^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__
/ \ / \
/ \/ \_ \/ / \/
/\/ / \ /\ \
//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\/
\_/__\ \
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" - / \_
---
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