Nancy Short version- you are doing the right thing and it's her environmental factors and lack of self-reflection that lead to her response. (I.e., it's her - not you)
Long version: I've had exactly the same thing happen - even getting abuse from a parent for being "heartless in their time of need". My syllabus stated that if you must miss you MUST notify me at the earliest possible time (she waited a week and a half). And it clearly stated that if you have to miss an exam due to an emergency you will not be allowed to make it up if you wait past the day of the exam to notify me- for any reason. Because I believed her but was trying to remain fair to the other students, I emailed her that she could give me a name and town and I'd be happy to just look it up in lieu of actually asking her to print the obituary out. She replied that I was being cruel. I did not take the bait but explained that I was being fair to the others and going beyond the syllabus to accommodate her. That's when her dad emailed and voice mailed me to tell me what a cad I was and "how would you feel"? Still didn't defend myself but called him to explain the situation. He finally said, "I guess we all get a bit testy at these times." Grief. Assuming she's being honest and not deflecting at being pushed to defend an untruth, I think you are being fair and she's grieving but not reflecting on her behavior enough to recognize that her emotions come largely from that and not from you. You are, I think, being fair with her. Tim _______________________________ Timothy O. Shearon, PhD Professor, Department of Psychology The College of Idaho Caldwell, ID 83605 email: [email protected]<mailto:[email protected]> teaching: intro to neuropsychology; psychopharmacology; general; history and systems From: drnanjo [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Monday, September 01, 2014 8:43 PM To: Teaching in the Psychological Sciences (TIPS) Subject: Re: [tips] The season of the deceased grandparent Hello everyone - Hope you had a nice summer and holiday weekend. So, I need to know if my two choices in a matter are the dichotomy of total patsy and heartless b-word. As I've often joked to students, May and December are bad times for grandparents (and other distant relatives) who seem to expire in droves right in time to make it impossible to sit for a final or complete a term project. A close second is the first class of the term...at community colleges, you must show up on the first day to keep your seat, otherwise according to regs we can (and must) give your seat away...to one of what is usually many students on a long wait list. SO...I had a student not show this week and when she finally contacted me I'd already dropped her. She said her grandmother had died. I said, I dropped you but if you can verify the story I'll reinstate you. And I got a fairly abusive email back. I suppose my main mistake was not simply saying "you are dropped" BUT I thought (perhaps wrongly) that I was giving her a chance if she was truthful. Now in retrospect it just seems like I should have said "too bad.' I suppose it might have also seemed just as heartless as "Too bad." I don't know. I hate being played. And I hate being mean. Avoid-avoid conflict. I also suppose I am experiencing a certain amount of burnout due to many environmental factors...not just students but other aspects of the current state of my work environment. So this is probably a tendril extended for support as well as to find out a little more about how you all react to and handle the dead fill-in-the-distant relative of your choice, all-purpose vague but serious-sounding "family emergency" and the rest of the excuse tropes. Welcome back. Thanks. Nancy Melucci Long Beach CIty College Long Beach CA --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: [email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b177a&n=T&l=tips&o=38171 (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) or send a blank email to leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu<mailto:leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu> --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: [email protected]. To unsubscribe click here: http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df5d5&n=T&l=tips&o=38172 or send a blank email to leave-38172-13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df...@fsulist.frostburg.edu
