Still thinking of my conversation with Crystal, I thought: What
determines status on our campuses? Degrees? Titles? Scholarly resumes?
Professional renown? Or, is it simply, but profoundly, personal goodness as a
result of personal belief and personal effort.
My epiphany, of which Crystal was a benefactor, my cancer, and my
massive cerebral hemorrhage, if they have taught me one thing, it is this: how
we think and feel about ourselves or someone or something determines how we
perceive ourselves or that person or something; how we perceive ourselves or
that person or something decides how we talk about ourselves or that person or
something; and how we talk about ourselves or that person or something decides
how we relate to and connect with. That is, the morality of our thoughts and
the ethics of our actions is on our own backs. It lies in our choices of what
to feel and what to believe, in the intention that determines our actions. We,
not that enslaving "they made me do it" society or "the system," not our
external degrees or scholarly resumes or renown, are responsible for our own
thoughts, feelings, and actions. Deflecting accountability, denying
responsibility, submitting mindlessly to social or professional authority,
defining ourselves according to external criteria, blaming, all strip us of our
individuality, freedom, independence, and ability to both change and grow.
Experiencing my epiphany 24 years ago, surviving my cancer 11 years ago
even with its lasting physical side effects, and my cerebral hemorrhage 8 years
ago that left me as a "5% walking miracle," each gave me and added to a new
gratuitous life of unconditional empathy, caring, kindness, faith,
encouragement, hope, support, awareness, aliveness, attentiveness, alertness,
and love. No, I take that back. They didn't give all that to me. I did. Each
time I face da choice. I had a choice to have a woeful and self-pitying "why
me" that would have a certain result; or, I had a choice to seize each as a
present to have an ever new present, and that, too, would have a certain
result.
Somehow I acknowledged the meaningfulness of the choices that would
clarify a vision of what I value. I saw them as a way to answer seminal
question: Who am I? What's truly important to me? Who can I become? What
turns me on? What turns me off? What will make me a better person? How
persistently and consistently and honestly do I keep endlessly asking and
modeling these questions? How do I make sure they aren't merely occasional and
convenient sound bites? For whom do I leverage these quests? I chose the
latter choice.
That choice made me start reflecting on my "unexamined life." And
though such self-reflection kept me awake many a night listening to a cacophony
of inner voices, and still does, as Socrates would have said, it sure does make
life worth living. That constant self-examination brought to the surface and
clarified my hitherto hidden and unacknowledged secret dream for life. That
choice became a performance enhancement drug of discovery of new worlds. It
sent me onto a path of being drunk with wonder about and love of people, and
being sober about professional resume and renown. If nothing else I allowed
each event to further shrink my pre-ephiany troubled and inauthentic ego and
enlarged my post-epiphany spirit of authenticity and service. The true worth
of each event was two-fold. First, each helped me to stop holding tightly to
the myth of permanences, to stop fighting against life's dynamism with a static
and atrophying "I am," and to stop resisting the very essence of all aspects of
life: change. Second, the importance of each event was and is proportional to
the true thankfulness and happiness I had and have allowed each to implant
within me. Each was and remain to this day a crucial junction that gave and
still give me that strength to break through boundaries, the courage to step
away from the ordinary to see people and things in fresh and different ways,
the daring not to conform, the understanding to redefine personal and
profession success, and the inner serenity to joyfully serve and offer.
That is the reason, I deliberately have all three on my heart and mind
every day. They bear constant witness to being and remaining present. I am
presently the healthiest physically, mentally, and emotionally I have ever been
because of them. Because of how I had and have digested them, I do not feel I
am getting old, even though I'll hit 75 on November 1. I take of the cup of
youthful unconditional love because it is love that reaches, envelopes,
embraced, connects, and stays with so many people. Others such as Crystal,
these three events, and my life with Susie tell me that if I want to connect
with someone, I bring them into my experiences of abundant gratitude and deep
happiness with an unconditional love as the most honest and powerful meeting
place.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
203 E. Brookwood Pl http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta, Ga 31602
(C) 229-630-0821 /\ /\ /\ /\
/\
/^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__
/ \ / \
/ \/ \_ \/ / \/
/\/ / \ /\ \
//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\/
\_/__\ \
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" - / \_
---
You are currently subscribed to tips as: [email protected].
To unsubscribe click here:
http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df5d5&n=T&l=tips&o=46844
or send a blank email to
leave-46844-13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df...@fsulist.frostburg.edu
