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G'day
Bernie,
I noticed and
wondered where you were. I'm so sad to hear that you have been
suffering so much.
Can't do much
for you except to send you a hug.
hugs
Gilly
www.originaltouchofgilly.com
for quality handcrafted costume
jewellery
To: TMIC
Sent: Saturday, September 16, 2006 12:08
PM
Subject: [TMIC] OT - been gone a
while
To All My Fellow TM'ers,
I'm not sure if
many of you noticed, but I have not been on the list
in quite some time
now. And as most of you know, I suffer from probably
the worst kind of TM.
Well, the pain has gotten to the point again where
it has become
intolerable. I can't remember the last time I had any type
of peaceful
sleep or rest. There have been times that the thought of a
bullet passing
through my brain would hurt less than the rest of my
body. But that is not
an option for me at this time. However, something
slowly and quietly has
been happening to me. It is difficult to put into
words, but I will
try.
These past days, weeks, and months have gone by so
dreadfully slow,
at one point I really believed that time was standing
still so I could
suffer even more. I found out that can be a symptom of
someone in really
bad pain, the concept of time slowing down. But in my
case it seemed to
produce a really wierd or shall I say not unbelievable,
but different
outcome than I ever believed possible.
Being
confronted by continual pain, solitude, and a bleak outlook on
the future
elevated me to a place where I felt the presence of something
greater than
me or you. Now I know some do not like to talk about 'God'
on this site,
I'm not. I am not talking about what I was taught in
school, or read about
in a book, but about the source of life that is
hidden by all that
surrounds us in this reality. It is not something I
feel every moment of
every day, in fact I only felt it for a short
duration. But in that short
time, I came to not only understand, but to
believe that the only thing
that really matters is each other. I look at
my relationships with my
children differently now, my family and
friends, all of them. It doesn't
matter that you or I believe in
something different, what matters is that
we are here for each other. I
wish I could put it into better words what I
am trying to say, but my
brain is fogged from pain and meds. No one of us
is any better or worse
than any other of us. No matter what color, creed,
or status in life.
Even the differences in how this disease manifested
itself on us makes
no difference. Tolerance, love, and openmindedness are
what we need to
share with each other.
I might not be
posting on the list as much as I did earlier, but
please believe me when I
say that you are all in my heart. I wish for
only the best for all of you.
Take care of each other.
Peace,
Bernie
PS - I see we have some new
folks in our little (but ever expanding)
family. I am Bernie and I have
had TM for 16 years now. It saddens me
that you are here, but since you
are, welcome! This is a really quirky
disease, it has so many different
ways to manifest itself. But please
feel free to ask any questions; if we
don't know the answer, one of us
can usually find
it.
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