I remember when I was in ICU and we were just two months from a trip we had been planning to go to Costa Rica. Even in ICU as I lay there totally paralyzed from the chest down, a tube down my throat because nothing was working in my digestive system nor my potty parts so they had to pump my stomach but oh, no!! I was in this denial that anything was wrong and even if it was it wasn't going to last!! My brother-in-law came to see me and I was oh-so deniably up in spirits and he looked me in the eye and said, Jeanne, you are not going to be able to go to Costa Rica." That next morning about 1AM while it was so dark and in the room, I lay there with Jack asleep propped up in the corner and it hit me how serious this was. How it wasn't just going to go away. How no one knew what was wrong and I was at one of the best hospitals in Washington. How I may never be any different than flat on my back for the rest of my life. No, I wasn't feeling very positive then. All of the times I had to be cathed because nothing would work and the horrible pain it caused and the numerous times they had to change my (yes) diaper. How they had to pick me up holding me under my arms because everything below that was 'dead' just to put me on a bedside commode to 'try' to see if anything would work...which it wouldn't and then all of the 'accidents'. The weeks in PT/OT where I would be dripping wet after just trying to hold myself up on the bars...oh, my....it was so very hard and it seemed like it would never, ever end. Now it's been a couple years and there hasn't been a whole lot of change. I do all of my own PT only because we live an hour away and the price of gas is so high. We are blessed to have a hot tub so I can do water therapy and Jack, bless his heart, is making me a walking path so I can do a different type of PT. Sometimes at night if I have overdone the PT, I lay just writhing in pain from the spasms. I can't give up. If I do, I'll end up on my back and heck! I would miss out on too much!!!
It's okay to feel blue and discouraged, Gerry, but that is where I hope all of us can kick in and help you back to blue skies and encouragement. We are here for you but most of all, our prayers are what will help you! God Bless You, dear one, Jeanne -------Original Message------- From: sal r Date: 3/24/2008 1:43:30 PM To: tm Subject: [TMIC] just another gloomy day Have you ever just felt that no matter how positive you are, it just doesnt help? this may sound funny but at this point in my life, before i keep going i am very thankful for the recovery i have made so far....but like i was saying have u ever seen those cartoons where they put a carrot in front of the horse to get it to move and the poor horse however hard he tries he just cant get it even though its so close to him...well thats how i feel...i have so much recovery (again very thankful) but however hard i try i have felt ive reached a milestone life and will not recover more then this...then i ask myself...whats the point of ongoing rehab? and i have no answer.. sorry if i sound negative but need to clear my head...no one else i can talk to that will understand... Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
