Barbara, my gosh...this is like reading my own story! I, too, wouldn't go on-line because the first couple of time I did, all I could read was about those that STILL had TM and I was afraid, I guess, that I would be like that Well, here we are, three years (WOW!!!...to the day!!) later and it's still here! I read about your work and I also did the same thing. I don't know if you've read my notes where I said we lived about 40 miles to where I worked? Well, we live out of town about six miles but my friends insisted on taking turns to come get me and then I practiced driving and it worked (how, I don't know!) so I bit the bullet and drove all by myself, praying I wouldn't hurt anyone! That first day, someone pulled right out in front of me and I automatically slammed on the brake! This was using my worst leg! They all met me at work with a big funny sign saying something about watching out for 'Jeanne', 'Get off the road...hurry!!' and then they had taken all sorts of Polaroid pictures of them with these scared looks on their faces, hugging each other in 'fear' and put them all over to meet me when I finally made it!
I tried being the same type of employee I was before and just flat couldn't do it. They were so good to me that they would have let me continue but it wasn't fair to them (I was lead nurse at a clinic) and I was suffering just like you. Same with the therapy. When I finally admitted I couldn't work, I began to improve mentally at home with extra work and then set up my own regime of PT since we were so far from the PT in Walla Walla where I also worked. It has worked out really well. I still can't 'feel' from my chest down and yet I can. Only you and the others would understand that. My body from the chest down feels just like it full of heavy, heavy wet sand. The pain is always there but to different degrees and when it's bad, it's really bad but most of the time it's just nagging but livable. I take the Lyrica but reduced my dose considerably due to the weight gain from the heavy dose. I finally changed my eating habits and the weight it coming down...HOOOOORAY!! I love it! When the pain gets extra bad, I just take Ibuprofen or a couple Tylenol and that helps a lot. I checked into the WalkAid and we decided it was too expensive and not quite perfected for the price we would have to pay so I went home and concentrated on getting that weaker foot to work and IT IS!!! I walk better now than I ever have! Well, I'm just yacking way too much. I'm just so thankful for Jim for starting this site and so blessed for all of you..more than I have words to say. I was so alone for so long and now I've got you all. I thank God so much for you all and often think the TM is a blessing in disguise even with everything that goes with it. Strangely, so much good has come out of it. As my grandkids would say, "It still sucks!!!" Jeanne -------Original Message------- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Date: 5/21/2008 5:02:32 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; [email protected] Subject: Re: [TMIC] 19 year TM Anniversary - my thanks to TMIC Jeanne, Your comment was very nice, but I mean it from the heart. When I first got my TM my family told me to please, not to go onto the TM website for the time being. That the info on the site was not optimistic and the people on the TMIC even had some pretty poor outcomes. I made this promise, and I only did therapy and listened to my doctors. When I first came into the TMIC I lingered for a few weeks. It was hard to hear about some of the stories, as I was starting to get a decent recovery. From paralysis from waist to toes, I had begun walking with a walker, so that was looking ok for me at that point, and hopefully more to come. TMIC really made me feel a part of a community and not alone with this crappy TM. I didn't know anyone else who had TM, so this was my only contact with anyone who had my kind of limitations who could help to teach me how to deal with all of it. Mentally, I thought I was ok, but I wasn't. I didn't think I needed anti-depressants, but I did. I thought if I could get back to work all would be ok with me, so that's where my emphasis was. I pushed myself to go back to work, although there were a few on TMIC who tried to encourage me not to. I didn't have the energy to do it, and really didn't have the energy to do work and therapy, so my therapy suffered. That wasn't the brightest thing I could have done. I was a terrible employee, but my boss was so wonderful, allowing me to work when I could, at the office and at home. It took me at least 2x as long to accomplish a task as it used to, as I didn't have the concentration to handle things properly. It took me to totally crash to realize that I couldn't do my therapy and work. In order to mentally handle it, I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't going to wake up one morning and not have TM, so I called my doc and quit working and went on a disability leave of absence once again, this time for good. I went on anti-depressants that same day. This was almost 9 years ago, and for all that time I have gotten support from TMIC. I don't know that I could have gotten through all of this without all of you. Big hugs, Barbara A Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new twists on family favorites at AOL Food.
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