I agree with Jeanne. Rob -- this would make a great article (Reader's Digest, maybe?) I do remember having to adjust my thinking from "getting back to normal" to "getting used to a new 'normal.'" I would encourage any TMer here to try to get their spouses here also. My husband told me that he understood a lot more of what I was going through both from what other people said but also from what I said here. I wasn't trying to keep anything from him -- we talked a lot and he was very open to trying to understand. But I guess maybe I expressed myself differently or asked questions here because of the possibility of finding others with like symptoms that revealed to him more of what I was feeling than I thought to say to him. Barbara H. _http://barbarah.wordpress.com/_ (http://barbarah.wordpress.com/) In a message dated 11/6/2008 12:41:52 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
I tried sending this as an attachment ..but I just found out you can not do attachment on the list…anyway I am going to try and cut and paste a small essay I tried to write about TM & me…as always I am open to comments. NORMAL Normal….what a simple word! This is a word I took for granted until one week past my 50th birthday. What did normal mean to me? Normal meant being like everyone else….it was being able to run, walk, exercise, climb up stairs, play sports…basically being able to do everything that “normal” people do without giving it a thought. I guess I figured as I got older I would slow down a little…maybe replace basketball with golf. Perhaps I would have to exercise a little longer to stay in shape…no big deal…this was “normal”. Sure like all normal people I would get sick from time to time and maybe break a bone or two….but I always knew that I would get better…and until one week after my 50th birthday that was just how life was…normal. Now let us go back 11 or so years where in a period of several hours I went from “normal” to cripple. In a few hours I had zero feeling from my waist down….that can’t be possible…I had played ball all weekend…there had to be a simple answer. Maybe a pinched nerve or something like that…..the idea that I would never be normal again never crossed my mind…I was sure it would be just a matter of time until I was all better…and “normal again “. Even after 3 MRI’s and 2 Lumbar Punctures I was certain that Dr. House would figure out the problem, give me some medicine and I would be all better…I would be normal again…just like everybody else I knew. Three weeks after being crippled from the waist down I was told what I have… ..Transverse Myelitis….what the heck is that…I never heard the words before and had no idea of their meaning. The Neurologist at the top New York City hospital explained it to me…he said he was sure I would eventually walk again… but he could not say for sure what assistance I would need. Perhaps a walker (how embarrassing), maybe a quad cane (better but not great) and if I was lucky perhaps I could graduate to a straight cane (better but not normal) After spending 3 weeks in the hospital I was transferred to the Kessler Rehabilitation facility in West Orange, New Jersey (same place Christopher Reeves rehabbed in). Slowly over a period of 3 months I started getting a little better…I went from a walker to a quad cane to upon leaving the rehab center a straight cane….I was surely getting better. I would prove all of the doctors wrong…..oh just one little side note…while it was true that I was learning to walk better there also came some small side effects. When I first came down with TM I had no feeling and therefore I had no pain or discomfort….but…as some feeling came back these feelings were so so bad. Where previously I felt nothing…now one of my legs was pins and needles and numb (how is that possible?)…whereas my other leg was numb with excessive banding (tightness) which caused me to walk with a “stiff leg”. But at least I was walking and it seemed that I was getting better everyday…soon I would be all better…I would be normal. The improvement was constant for the first 6 months…then it continued to a lesser extent over the next 6 months….then I just stopped improving. How can this be? I know…I just have to work harder at getting better…just keep exercising harder and longer…I was so determined to prove the medical profession wrong! But it turned out that they were right and I was wrong…I hit a plateau where all I could accomplish was abnormal fatigue…I was not getting better and worse yet I probably never would! However I would keep all of the pain and discomforts probably for the rest of my life! Now for most people walking with a limp, and being in weird discomfort 24/7 would be bad enough…but not for me, for me not being “normal” was the worst part of the condition. I did not want people to see me as crippled and feel sorry for me so I did my best to look normal…even though this hurt and fatigued me more. As far as my friends and family were concerned I had made such great strides in getting better….they could not see the unrelenting pain and discomfort that never went away…but I guess I was happy that they still thought of me as normal…after all is that not what I wanted to act and be treated as normal people and not someone to be pitied? I don’t know! I drive 40 miles each way to work in New York traffic. Work an 8-10 hour day and yet when I get home my wife still doesn’t understand why I am so tired. Just a couch potato! I suppose she just wants me to be normal. I know she tries to understand how I am and what my limitations are …but unless you walk in my shoes how can one truly understand. That is probably the main reason I have started the New Jersey Transverse Myelitis support group. We had our first meeting in the spring and I was amazed at how many of the attendees had never before met anyone else suffering from TM. It was both enlightening and emotional to be with other people who truly understood what I was saying and they were saying. I was also amazed by how normal most of them looked. Until they started discussing the horrors in their lives they looked and acted perfectly normal…in some cases just from outward impressions I was jealous. Until they spoke and in no uncertain terms convinced me they were as bad if not worse than me. Ok…after never ending story I have come to see being “normal” somewhat differently. The people I have come into contact in the TM community are probably more normal than most….we are a people who struggle with life yet embrace it. Most of us do not let our condition define our lives. Instead we value the little things that normal people take for granted as wonderful gifts. Maybe just maybe being “normal” is overrated! Rob in New Jersey **************AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212792382x1200798498/aol?redir=http://searchblog.aol.com/2008/11/04/happy-holidays-from -aol-search/?ncid=emlcntussear00000001)
