AOL Email Good Go'in Jude!! You did well!! Janice
----- Original Message -----
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected] ; [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, June 27, 2009 3:41 AM
Subject: Re: [TMIC] Re: (TMIC) Sex.
Gracie,
No need for you to feel "funny" about posting re: sex. I feel the
same way as you do.
Losing the desire for sex as well as the physical ability (all the dust
balls and spider webs) inside there makes me feel much less than a woman than I
certainly used to. However,
Something happened this week that surprised the heck out of me and
Dave. We went out, after a couple of years, and sought out my previous
hairstylist, found her and I had my hair colored blond and then highlighted on
top of that and Dave got his cut which blended the white in so that it looked
very nice on him. We both found ourselves looking better, feeling like
dressing better...he shaved and I put on make-up for the first time in a long
time. It is really nice to feel pretty again for Dave and he says he feels the
same way. It made us have feelings that we hadn't had in a long while and as
the saying goes, "where there is a will, there is a way."
So, without going into details, "a good time was had by all" and now I
find myself keeping up with my makeup and making an effort to get dressed and
get out of bed, which does take some effort.
Well, my dear friend, you take care...don't let yourself get too far
down today, and remember that Pam is all around you all of the time as I feel
her near my side especially when I am working on a project I know that we both
would enjoy doing together.
I love you,
Jude
In a message dated 6/24/2009 6:48:26 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
I can't believe that I am going to reply to this, as it's an issue
that I just try hard to avoid, but..... okay, so here goes. During my first
NMO hit, I lost all feeling *there*. At first I was hopeful that it would
slowly come back, but my second bad hit sealed the deal. I can remember lying
in my hospital bed trying to get up the nerve to speak with my doc about it.
Finally one day I mentioned it in passing, but didn't really press the
matter---I was too embarrassed. Later that night, one of my neuro nurses came
in to sit and talk with me about the disease, as I was her first NMO patient.
We talked a lot about nerves and nerve damage, and as I was very savvy re: the
implications of having relapsing NMO, we spoke freely. (She's amazing, and
I've since had her as my nurse in the neuro ward, many times.) Finally, I just
took a big swallow and blurted it out. She told me the truth, that in my case
it was unlikely that feeling would return, but that one should still keep
hoping that one day there would be some increase in sensation. She was
correct---I have been numb from my sensory level downwards since 2005. Most of
my body still feels as if it has been shot up with Novocaine.
Anyways, I was shell shocked and actually mourned the loss. To lose
something that is so integral to one's life, is a violation of sorts. It was
bad enough that I had no control over my other bodily functions, but the loss
of physical sexuality was adding insult to injury. I felt as if I had lost my
*person-hood*, and had suddenly become androgynous. I still fight those
feelings, and yes, sometimes I still cry about it. Sexual contact offers an
intimacy like no other. Some of us are more sexual than others, and the loss
can often be the cruelest cut of all.
These days I try hard not to ever even think about it. Whenever I
do, I become extremely angry at what I perceive to be the unfairness of it all,
and I lose sight of what I do still have. I should be very grateful for every
day that I draw a breath---unfortunately, sometimes the negative feelings get
the better of me. For me, it's been a tough loss to deal with.
Okay, signing off before I totally embarrass myself.
Grace
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