Basically the Nutty Keepers are Madness' cousins, they are here to keep the Nutty Sound alive, they are the heirs to the throne!
So read on!
Wozza.
Nutty Keepers 12 - Return of The Keepers Part 1 Cast: - The Nutty Keepers as themselves Jack Lawrence as himself Jock Lockrance as a Mad Scottish MP, with an axe and a packet of polos! Paulo Wasselleno as a Mexican Very-Bad-all-round-guy Simonski Saunderinski as a Russian Bad-all-round-guy N Woodgate as himself Clive Langer as Clive Banger Alan Winstanely as himself Jeeves as himself Nurse Sprinkler Rob Hazelby: As the half-sober-buyer-of-wonderful Scene 1 - Inside the Madcave Once again the Nutty Keepers, lounge around in their little cave, drinking beer, eating crisps, drinking beer, watching TV, drinking more beer... Lee: Yes! Finally I'm famous again. The Nutty Keepers have returned! Sluggs: Don't get too excited, after all our wages are hardly stunning. Chris: Oi Oi, the Professor is back! Carl: I Am The Communicator! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yah yah yeah! Spike: Dammit, he's off again, must be all the excitement, nurse! Nurse Sprinkler: Now Now, Carly-poos time for you medicine. Carl: The monkeys are everywhere, ah get them away from me! Clark: He's been like that since Emma Bunton dumped him. Barry: Yep, one day she said, "Carl, Johnny The Horse just isn't boppy enough". Clark: Broke his heart. Lee: And his head! Sprinkler: That's it Carly-poos, all done, now your colonnical irrigation appointment is it at what time? Carl: Ah, the smurfs are coming, run for your lives! Sluggs: I think he means 5 o' clock. Carl: No, Papa Smurf! He's biting my ankle! Scene 2 - In a Spooky Castle far far away in Glasgow... Jock Lockrance: AHHHH! Now I kanna git on with ma plan ta take over tha world! Jack Lawrence: Dammit Jock talk in your normal accent. The Scottish one doesn't make you anymore menacing. Jock: Don't you tell ma wot ta do! Jack: What sort of a name is that for a girl? Jock: It's short for Bob. Jack: Oh, by the way... Why the hell have you got me tied up in this castle? Jock: Because I dinna wanting you ta contact tha Notty Keepers! They would a ruin ma plans! Simonski come! Simonski: Ja, vat is it? I vish vould stop wit der beckoning! Jack: Oh please, stop the accents! Simonski: Talking bout the revolution! Da Happy Music wit der zad lyrics! Jack: No... Jock: Now, are ya gonna till me where tha Madcave is, or will I have to bring in Wasselleno? Jack: Who? Paulo Wasselleno: Hallo Puzzycat, I tink! I am Paulo Wassellno, fastest nut in the west! Jack: AHHHH! OK, Ok, I'll tell you... Scene 3 - In the shops... Rob: Oi, that's my copy! Shopper #2: No, it's mine Shopper #3: Gerrof! Shop Assistant: Please people, I'm sure we'll be getting a larger shipment of "Wonderful" in very shortly, it's already already sold 3 billion copies! I've never seen anything like it! Suddenly a great lorry crashes into the side of the shop. Lorry Driver: Sorry! I was being chased by an angry mob demanding copies. Here you, a shipment of 300,000 more copies. Rob: Wait a minute! Where the hell's "You're Wonderful" on the album? Shop Assistant (sweating): Guards! Guard #1: If you'd kindly step through this door sir? Rob: What the hell's going on? Guard #2: All those who enquire about the forgotten tracks will be punished dearly. Rob: Forgotten tracks? Guard #356: The tracks which never appeared on the new album. Rob: How many guards are there? Guard #1234567890000: Oh, not that many... Soon they arrive in a huge cave, quite similar to the Madcave, but all the furniture are all in a 70's style. N Woodgate: Welcome to the Secret Order Of Madmen. We are the people behind the creation of Virgin Records, so Madness could have a future record deal with them, we made sure no other song got to No. 10 when Madness released Lovestruck. In affect, we are Madness. Rob: Hey look... That's Clive Banger and Alan. Oi Oi! Clive: Our names in here are St. Fred and St. Elysium Rob: Oh sorry. So like did you guys decide the final tracklisting. Clive: AH!!!! Thou shalt not repeat thy fatal words! Rob: What final tracklisting? Order: AHHHH!!!! Rob: Hey this is cool! Final T...riatholon! Order: AA! Final T...ime! Order: AAHH! Alan: Stop! Now, as you know we decided the you-know-what. You mentioned the track "You're Wonderful". Rob: Yes... Alan: Well Our God said that it would be a bad omen to put "You're Wonderful" on the album. Rob: Who's your God? Alan: Blondie. Oh praise ye! Rob: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Clive: Now let us dance to the funky Blondie music! Rob: NOOOOOOOOOO! Alan: Atomic baby! Scene 4 - Back In The Madcave Carl: Ah, now that I've calmed down, who wants to watch some TV? Lee: Sure, what's on BBC? Carl: Oh it's Delia Smith, AH AH! Get her away from me! Nasty Egg Whirling woman! Get your strawberries out cause we're making trifle! WEEE said the man to his goldfish... I'm The Eye Of The Hawk, The Wheel Of A Tree! Lee: Hey, these aren't bad, keep going. Carl: I'm in the East, I'm In The West... Sluggs: Stop before Virgin sue us! KABOOOOOOM! (and reeboo) - a whole appears in the wall... Jock: I'v cam ta git you! Paulo: Ce Ce, I tink! Speedy Gonzalez, underlay underlay, ye hah ye hah! Simonski: Vhere is my Wodka? Und wann kann I start up my own Cold War? Jock: When I take over tha world! Simonski: Yis! Than I kann start der firzt ever Cold War in zer Carribeanski! Paulo: Ce ce, you are zilly puzzycat. It is very hot in the Carribean, yez? Simonski: A minor zetback I azzure you... What is Jock going to do? Why can't Carl act normal? Why does Jeeves get to be in the cast, but has no part? Will Blondie release yet another album? Will Clive and Alan see the light? Why do Carribean Drinks have little umbrellas in them? Is this the worst script ever? How meny spilling errars r their? Is it time for the credits now? CREDITS Directed/Written/Produced by Paul Wassell With Thanks to the following people/animals/alien lifeforms: - Simon Saunders Simon Roberts - Inspiration mate! Wee Stoo The National Togan Knitting Appreciation Club Notepad - my best friend Madness The Nutty Keepers (They really do exist - They are a Madness cover band AKA "Maddogs and Frenchmen", if you don't believe me, then send �235.89 pounds to this address: - Behind The Pipes, next to the Rat called George Mornington Cresent The London Underground London UK) This has been guided to you by http://www.suggs.co.uk Goodnight.
