So... I've figured out a workaround for this issue. Works every time.

1. Turn off both my built-in audio device and my HDMI device
2. Run VLC with the video I wish to play
3. While it is playing turn the HDMI device back on

Viola! Audio instead of unbearable noise!

Turning off/on the audio devices that I mention above I do via
pavucontrol ("Volume Control").

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Touch seeded packages, which is subscribed to pulseaudio in Ubuntu.
https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1613852

Title:
  My system is trying to assassinate me using sound

Status in pulseaudio package in Ubuntu:
  New
Status in vlc package in Ubuntu:
  Invalid

Bug description:
  Most modern video formats that I find on the interwebs, when I try to
  play them with VLC, the sound is such a loud white noise, that I
  thought maybe it is an assassination attempt on my life.

  Totem refuses to play, claiming an error loading supporting library.

  Attached is a recording of what it sounds like.

  This started happening some one month ago or so.

  Until then, I've been enjoying all kinds of videos and their audio
  without issues.

  Likely not a VLC issue, although it would be nice if players could
  protect me from such atrocities.

  ProblemType: Bug
  DistroRelease: Ubuntu 16.04
  Package: vlc-nox 2.2.2-5
  ProcVersionSignature: Ubuntu 4.4.0-34.53-generic 4.4.15
  Uname: Linux 4.4.0-34-generic x86_64
  ApportVersion: 2.20.1-0ubuntu2.1
  Architecture: amd64
  CurrentDesktop: XFCE
  Date: Tue Aug 16 21:51:33 2016
  ExecutablePath: /usr/bin/vlc
  InstallationDate: Installed on 2010-10-12 (2135 days ago)
  InstallationMedia: Ubuntu 10.10 "Maverick Meerkat" - Release amd64 (20101007)
  SourcePackage: vlc
  UpgradeStatus: Upgraded to xenial on 2015-11-13 (277 days ago)

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