shux , apa im a sunday school teacher i think i wi ll have to tse my kids this sunday and find out if they really bn listening to wat we have taught them
On 13/01/2010, Karambakuwa Elisha <[email protected]> wrote: > > Subject: JUDAS ASPARAGUS > > Please read one. > > If you need a laugh today, then this should do it! > > Have a great day. > > A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. > > This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. > > I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand > what we are teaching??? > > Through the eyes of a child: > > The Children's Bible in a Nutshell > > In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was > nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God > is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. > > Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. > > Then God made the world. > > He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but > they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. > > Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were > driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in > though, > because they didn't have cars. > > Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as > he was Abel. > > Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for > Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. > > One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, > but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his > family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but > they said they would have to take a rain check. > > After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more > famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in > exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really > loud sports coat. > > Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was > Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from > the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These > plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. > > God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he > gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, > dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. > > Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy > mother. > > One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible > guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell > over on the town. > > After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant > with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and > 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very > wise to me. > > After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One > of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on > the shore. > > There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't > have to worry about them. > > After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the > star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been > born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! > Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I > was.') > > During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the > Pharisees and the Democrats. > > Jesus also had twelve opossums. > > The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they > named a terrible vegetable after him. > > Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even > preached to some Germans on the Mount. > > But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before > Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his > hands instead. > > Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. > He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His > return is foretold in the book of Revolution. > > > > *"Do not be afraid little flock, it is your Father's pleasure to give you > the kingdom." Luke 12:32* > > > > Disclaimer and Confidentiality > > ********************************************************************** > > http://www.oldmutual.co.zw/disclaimer/disclaimer.asp > > ********************************************************************** > > *P** **Please** consider the environment before printing this email* > > > > -- > You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups > "tribewithavibe" group. > To post to this group, send email to [email protected]. > To unsubscribe from this group, send email to > [email protected]<tribewithavibe%[email protected]> > . > For more options, visit this group at > http://groups.google.com/group/tribewithavibe?hl=en. > > -- 'Unless you change what you do, you will always have what you've got.' - Jim Rohn--
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