Calher, from reading this thread, it definitely seems to me that you are
seriously depressed. I am not a psychologist, but like others who have
commented here, I have also suffered from long periods of crippling
depression and anxiety. So I feel you bro, it really sucks to feel like
nobody cares and everything is pointless.
While some of the suggestions folks have made may or may not help, there is
no silver bullet solution. But I want to reassure you that this too shall
pass. I have no doubt that one day, you will look back on this period of your
life, and marvel at the strength that allowed you to live through it. In the
meantime, just focus on getting through this week, this day, or if it gets
bad enough, this hour.
During my last serious depression crash, my father-in-law sent me his copy of
a book called 'The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression' by Andrew Solomon.
It's a combination of anecdotes about his own experiences with depression,
interviews with other depressives and their families, and his research into
different aspects of the illness. I found it strangely comforting to have
many of the things I was experiencing described back to me, and to learn more
about the history and science of the illness we call depression.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Noonday_Demon
Also, I find it helps to listen to music that connects me with how I'm
feeling. Listening to a song like 'The Day I Tried to Live' by Soundgarden or
'Hope for a Generation' by Fat Freddies Drop, and having a good cry, can be
very therapeutic for me. Just a thought. Finally, feel free to keep talking
about how you feel with people who are sympathetic (including us), that helps
a lot, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. I value your
participation in this community, and I hope you feel better soon.
