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I am going to start a weekly series of postings of chapters from the book
Psychic First Aid by Muriel Chen. This is the only first aid book for the soul
that i am aware of so it should be of use to TROMers. You are already
practiced at creating and postulating so why not use those skills to heal
yourself and others.
Here is Muriel Chen's Introduction to the book and the chapter on Abandonment.
If you are anxious to get a copy of the book for yourself you will find it at
http://www.tromhelp.com/books in PDF and Kindle formats.
This is a book of psychic first aid. It allows you to handle a crisis yourself
whilst waiting for professional healing or assistance.It is a collection of
successful techniques that I have used for myself, and for others who needed
immediate help. I have found them useful as first aid outside of formal
counseling sessions: in social situations and even over the phone.This book is
not intended to take the place of physical first aid in handling bodily injury.
However, it can greatly improve the effectiveness of physical techniques.
Adelaide1994(Muriel Chen was an Auditor and C/S in the CofS for 35 years before
moving to the freezone in 1982.
If I am a baby and I depend upon my mother, this dependency is necessary for my
survival.When I am adult the very young depend upon me for survival.People
grow. They change. But you, the spiritual being, are outside of time. You are
always ALL that you are and all that you ever were:You are the infant, the
child, the adolescent, the adult.As an adult you may choose to relate to other
adults. One of these relationships is a partnership to create and care for the
young.Ideally, each adult is self-dependent.But sometimes adults set up
dependencies. If the dependency becomes too FIXED one feels (as a child) that
should the parent leave, they would die.People change at different rates and in
different directions. We are here to grow and to learn and that means change
occurs. Gradual change that is accepted by all those involved occurs without
being noticed.Sudden, or hidden, or unacceptable changes HURT.When open
communication has been absent for a long time one person may solve the problem
of their own changes by leaving.Sudden change is similar to a sudden death.The
feelings that one gets after one has been left, hurt. There is the feeling of
being lost and the feeling of being "less than".There could also be anger or
blame. [If so go to those sections now]The child within you feels the results
of being left as death. It initially fights it and then grieves.The adult feels
that life has 'holes' left in it.They have got used to many things that have
become part of the ritual of existence such as setting 2 places on the table.
Now only one is needed.They turn to ask an opinion and there is no one there.
Someone who they expect to be there has gone.You may have been dependent on
this person.You as an adult may be suffering from holes that need
filling.[There are many other contributing factors, which need to be healed but
here we are doing FIRST aid.]As a dependent child you fear you are going to
die!As an adult you can care for yourself but need to fill the holes that are
left.You may not realize it now but there are millions of other beings to
relate to.One person whom you felt dependent upon has changed position in space
and time. [It may even be that they went to another dimension as in death]They
still ARE!A communication line is broken.What to do about the feelings.The hurt
can be intense.Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings are there. [Use the
section on unwanted emotions.]The adult YOU realizes what the situation really
is.The adult in you can, in quiet moments or in meditation, reach to the you
that is the child and talk to that child.Ask the child to tell you what is
happening and how it feels.LISTEN, UNDERSTAND then ACKNOWLEDGE.When the child
has told it all, give comfort and reassurance that the adult that you are is
here. That you will always be there for that child. Do this as often as the
child needs it.The adult 'you' feels the emptiness of the holes left in life.
It is easy to just believe your pain was caused by the other's leaving but this
irresponsibility prolongs the grieving.It is easier to see that the holes are
there to be filled and complete your grieving in order to set about filling the
holes.Steps:Write down all the things that you will miss through this
loss.Write all the things you loved in the other.Write all the things you
resisted or disliked about the other.From your viewpointWrite down all that you
feel that you did not do or say and wished you had.Write all that you did or
said that you regret.From the other persons viewpointWrite down all that you
consider that they feel that you did not do or sayWrite all that you feel that
they did that they may regret.It is your own actions and your own thoughts that
can cause your hurt.Forgive yourself if forgiveness is needed (do this as the
adult).Forgiveness means to let go of the past.Look back in time and find all
the little signs that might have shown you that the change, which appeared so
sudden was, in fact, coming.Find how and when you resisted changes or lack of
changes in the other.Accept all this.Accept the change.Whatever the other is
doing now it is by their own choice and it is they that can heal themselves.
Death is a part of life and so are all changes within life.Create your new
life.You can find another to depend upon or you can realize that you can create
more stable relationships without dependency.Search for those in need. Empower
them, using your wisdom and knowledge, in order that they may help themselves.
Give them your tenderness and understanding and support without any need to
have anything in return. Isn't that what you would like for yourself?Whilst you
give to others you will feel what it is that you are giving
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