The following message is relayed to you by  trom@lists.newciv.org
I am going to start a weekly series of postings of chapters from the book 
Psychic First Aid by Muriel Chen.  This is the only first aid book for the soul 
that i am aware of so it should be of use to TROMers.  You are already 
practiced at creating and postulating so why not use those skills to heal 
yourself and others. 
Here is Muriel Chen's Introduction to the book and the chapter on Abandonment.
If you are anxious to get a copy of the book for yourself you will find it at 
http://www.tromhelp.com/books in PDF  and Kindle formats.

This is a book of psychic first aid. It allows you to handle a crisis yourself 
whilst waiting for professional healing or assistance.It is a collection of 
successful techniques that I have used for myself, and for others who needed 
immediate help. I have found them useful as first aid outside of formal 
counseling sessions: in social situations and even over the phone.This book is 
not intended to take the place of physical first aid in handling bodily injury. 
However, it can greatly improve the effectiveness of physical techniques. 
Muriel Chen
Adelaide1994(Muriel Chen was an Auditor and C/S in the CofS for 35 years before 
moving to the freezone in 1982.

If I am a baby and I depend upon my mother, this dependency is necessary for my 
survival.When I am adult the very young depend upon me for survival.People 
grow. They change. But you, the spiritual being, are outside of time. You are 
always ALL that you are and all that you ever were:You are the infant, the 
child, the adolescent, the adult.As an adult you may choose to relate to other 
adults. One of these relationships is a partnership to create and care for the 
young.Ideally, each adult is self-dependent.But sometimes adults set up 
dependencies. If the dependency becomes too FIXED one feels (as a child) that 
should the parent leave, they would die.People change at different rates and in 
different directions. We are here to grow and to learn and that means change 
occurs. Gradual change that is accepted by all those involved occurs without 
being noticed.Sudden, or hidden, or unacceptable changes HURT.When open 
communication has been absent for a long time one person may solve the problem 
of their own changes by leaving.Sudden change is similar to a sudden death.The 
feelings that one gets after one has been left, hurt. There is the feeling of 
being lost and the feeling of being "less than".There could also be anger or 
blame. [If so go to those sections now]The child within you feels the results 
of being left as death. It initially fights it and then grieves.The adult feels 
that life has 'holes' left in it.They have got used to many things that have 
become part of the ritual of existence such as setting 2 places on the table. 
Now only one is needed.They turn to ask an opinion and there is no one there. 
Someone who they expect to be there has gone.You may have been dependent on 
this person.You as an adult may be suffering from holes that need 
filling.[There are many other contributing factors, which need to be healed but 
here we are doing FIRST aid.]As a dependent child you fear you are going to 
die!As an adult you can care for yourself but need to fill the holes that are 
left.You may not realize it now but there are millions of other beings to 
relate to.One person whom you felt dependent upon has changed position in space 
and time. [It may even be that they went to another dimension as in death]They 
still ARE!A communication line is broken.What to do about the feelings.The hurt 
can be intense.Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings are there. [Use the 
section on unwanted emotions.]The adult YOU realizes what the situation really 
is.The adult in you can, in quiet moments or in meditation, reach to the you 
that is the child and talk to that child.Ask the child to tell you what is 
happening and how it feels.LISTEN, UNDERSTAND then ACKNOWLEDGE.When the child 
has told it all, give comfort and reassurance that the adult that you are is 
here. That you will always be there for that child. Do this as often as the 
child needs it.The adult 'you' feels the emptiness of the holes left in life. 
It is easy to just believe your pain was caused by the other's leaving but this 
irresponsibility prolongs the grieving.It is easier to see that the holes are 
there to be filled and complete your grieving in order to set about filling the 
holes.Steps:Write down all the things that you will miss through this 
loss.Write all the things you loved in the other.Write all the things you 
resisted or disliked about the other.From your viewpointWrite down all that you 
feel that you did not do or say and wished you had.Write all that you did or 
said that you regret.From the other persons viewpointWrite down all that you 
consider that they feel that you did not do or sayWrite all that you feel that 
they did that they may regret.It is your own actions and your own thoughts that 
can cause your hurt.Forgive yourself if forgiveness is needed (do this as the 
adult).Forgiveness means to let go of the past.Look back in time and find all 
the little signs that might have shown you that the change, which appeared so 
sudden was, in fact, coming.Find how and when you resisted changes or lack of 
changes in the other.Accept all this.Accept the change.Whatever the other is 
doing now it is by their own choice and it is they that can heal themselves. 
Death is a part of life and so are all changes within life.Create your new 
life.You can find another to depend upon or you can realize that you can create 
more stable relationships without dependency.Search for those in need. Empower 
them, using your wisdom and knowledge, in order that they may help themselves. 
Give them your tenderness and understanding and support without any need to 
have anything in return. Isn't that what you would like for yourself?Whilst you 
give to others you will feel what it is that you are giving
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