The Weekend Remote Patrol for November 14-16, 2008 by Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings ---
TOM'S TWISTED TOTALLY TRIVIAL TV THINGY The New York Times can be thanked for inspiring Keith Olbermann's "Worst Persons in the World" segment. Which Times employee gets the honors? A) Jayson Blair B) Maureen O'Dowd C) Frank Rich D) Will Shortz E) Alessandra Stanley Tune in next time for the answer. --- FRIDAY 8 p.m. The Caped Crusader teams up with the new teenaged Blue Beetle to stop evil alien dictator du jour in the debut of "BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD" (Cartoon). Joan Allen goes "UNDER THE INFLUENCE with ELVIS MITCHELL" (TCM). 9 p.m. "THE PRICE IS RIGHT SALUTES THE TROOPS" (CBS). Ah sweeps month and a dead timeslot. You'll note the omission of the phase "million dollar spectacular" as the network didn't think Drew would be giving away so much last time the show was on in primetime. TELE-GEBRA Jo Frost + Joe the Plumber = "SUPER-MANNY" (ABC). The cannibals have hostages on "CRUSOE" (NBC). Eat 'em and weep. 10 p.m. Thomas Beatie, transmom, answers Barbara Walters stupid questions on "WHAT IS A MAN, WHAT IS A WOMAN? JOURNEY OF A PREGNANT MAN" (ABC). 10:30 P.M. The international tour of misery continues as "HENRY ROLLINS UNCUT" (IFC) visits South Africa and Nelson Mandela's jail cell. 11 p.m. "REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER" (HBO) saves the biggest IQ for last: Ashton Kutcher gives Obama his Cabinet predictions. NIGHT LIGHTS * Bill Cosby and the Answer wear ugly sweaters to visit Dave. * Miley Cyrus, Jason Statham, and David Cook feed Jay dangerous amounts of raw sugar. * Jim Parsons and Ray Davies get out the kinks with Craig. * Masi Oka, Alan Zweibel, and the Off-Broadway cast of "Rock of Ages" justify themselves to Conan. * Artie Lang, Candace Bushnell, and T-Pain apply lipstick to Jimmy. SATURDAY 8 p.m. President Peter Coyote calls in "DR. DOOLITTLE 4: TAIL TO THE CHIEF" (ABC Family). And when even Eddie Murphy stops doing them? Stay classy, ABC Family. "THE BILL ENGVALL SHOW: NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS" (TBS) could put an eye out. 9 p.m. I don't think Russell Brand is even allowed to watch "RICKY GERVAIS: OUT OF ENGLAND -- THE STAND-UP SPECIAL" (HBO)? "DOCTOR WHO" (BBC America) starts a new season with fat aliens. No. Not obese humanoids. Aliens made from human fat. Soylent Trek. Someone from Grey's Anatomy stars as a homeless woman who begins an "ACCIDENTAL FRIENDSHIP" (Hallmark) with a cop. John Stamos is one of "THE TWO MR. KISSELS" (Lifetime), who both get murdered. I'm almost in "NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS" (Starz). Look for me while Diane Kruger sucks her soda with a red straw at Mt. Rushmore at the end. 11 p.m. Serena Williams guests as "MADTV" (Fox) counts down to implosion. 11:30 p.m. Paul Rudd and Beyoncé guest on "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" (NBC) SUNDAY 8 p.m. "I'm Like an angry cow" on "THE AMAZING RACE" (CBS). Yes, TAR visits Kazakhstan. Well, yes there are 30,000 chickens, but otherwise it's nothing like the "Borat" movie. "AMERICAN EAGLE" (PBS) brought to you by Bosley Hair replacement systems. The mystery ingredient is ... Clips!: "IRON CHEF AMERICA: GREATEST MOMENTS" (Food Network) Lisa attends a crossword puzzle tournament on "THE SIMPSONS" (Fox). Jon Delfin guest stars as himself, opting to allow Will Shortz all of his lines. The Windows 98 of the music industry draws to a close with "TOTAL FINALE LIVE" (MTV). Alas, there will always be the talk show of Carson Daly, who's been passed over for the 12:35 slot by Jimmy Fallon ... who used to impersonate Daly (Complete Tool) on SNL. Wooooo! DEPTH WITH DIGNITY "HALF TON MOM" (TLC) 9 p.m. Ventriloquist "JEFF DUNHAM’S VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL" (Comedy Central) could be the best and/or worst holiday show since Rich Little's Christmas Carol in 1978. "UNLOCKING THE GREAT PYRAMID" (National Geographic). Here is your first subject ... and go! Julie Walters campaigns against "FILTH" (PBS) on the BBC. Think Terry Rakolta only with manners, class, and charm. GIRTH OF A NATION "HALF TON DAD" (TLC) 10 p.m. "PRETEND YOU STILL CARE ABOUT BRITNEY VIDEO SPECIAL" (MTV) 11 p.m. "UNEXPLAINED WITH GEORGE NOORY" (Sci Fi) begins a week of several pilots on the network. While Art Bell was said to have been working on ways to translate "Coast to Coast AM," it's Noory who gets the closeup. === TV OR NOT TV RECOMMENDS "The Lone Ranger: Seasons 1 and 2" http://tinyurl.com/tvornottvtonto 13 discs. 1 mask. Soggy shrub. === TTTTTT ANSWER Where was the first season of "Top Chef" filmed? On the skillets of San Francisco === But the conversation doesn't end here, add your own suggestions or discuss mine on the "TV or Not TV" Google list. "The Remote Patrol" is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear Projection, Ltd. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Like TV only smarter. 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