The Remote Patrol for Monday, December 1, 2008
by Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings
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TOM'S TWISTED TOTALLY TRIVIAL TV THINGY
Which Saturday morning cartoon was based on a series of Hallmark Cards?
A) "The Care Bears"
B) "Kissyfur"
C) "Rude Dog and the Dweebs"
D) "Shirt Tales"
E) "Strawberry Shortcake"

The answer Tuesday: It's my good news day.

===

8 p.m.
Carl Lumbly, Morgan Fairchild, Bruce Boxleitner, and opera star Enrico 
Pallazzo guest on "CHUCK" (NBC).

"FINDING BILLY ELLIOT" (PBS) profiles three young boys who want to dance 
in a musical about a young boys who want to dance.

9 p.m.
Blah blah eclipse blah blah amnesia blah blah "HEROES" (NBC).

"BRITZ" (BBC America) concludes with Nasima working to repeal post 9/11 
security protocols while her brother Sohail tries to capture a terrorist 
cell. Like Donnie and Marie would be doing if they cared about America.

Can a computer program predict the future? Game theorist Dr. Bruce Bueno 
de Mesquita thinks so. Thus, Good Magazine named him the "NEXT 
NOSTRADAMUS" (History).

WORLD AIDS DAY: JUSTIFY MY LOVE
Madonna narrates "I AM BECAUSE WE ARE" (Sundance, the "you liberals" 
network), a look at AIDS orphans in Malawi.

10 p.m.
Betty White returns on just as Denny Crane's Alzheimers takes a turn for 
the worse on "BOSTON LEGAL" (ABC). The two part series finale is next week.

Harry Potter goes "INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO" (Bravo), which is sadly not 
in Oscar contention this year.

And now the short version of "STEVE FOSSETT: WHAT WENT WRONG? 
(Discovery): He died.

===
TV OR NOT TV RECOMMENDS
The X-Files: I Want to Believe (Three-Disc Special Edition)
   http://tinyurl.com/tvornottvxfiles
   "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" travels with a lot of baggage. It is 
not a sequel in style, tone or plot to the previous "X-Files (Fight the 
Future)" movie from 1998. That mess (halfway through its television run) 
involved black alien blood, swarms of bees, and a supply of government 
conspiracies equaled only by the number of black helicopters chasing 
agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully through cornfields. It's also less a 
new episode of the series than it is a religious horror flick that could 
easily have hit theaters sometime between "Rosemary's Baby" and "The 
Omen." Shots are fired and villains chased. But this is still an 
intimate, atmospheric film where the plot hinges more on one character 
pressing the resume button on a printer. A later equally dramatic moment 
occurs when a roadside mailbox, whose numbers match those of a specific 
Bible verse, is opened.
   Instead of hunting for aliens, the FBI has more Earth-bound crimes to 
be solved and hopes to lure Mulder back to duty to save the life of a 
missing female agent, who may be the victim of a serial killer. The 
bureaus' only leads are the visions of Joe Crissman, who has led them to 
a severed arm. But the mental images are less likely to be trusted as 
he's a defrocked priest and convicted pedophile. As Scully (now a staff 
physician at Our Lady of Sorrows) notes, it's hard to accept that God is 
sending lifesaving information and/or "answering the prayers of a man 
who's been accused of buggering 37 altar boys."
   There are a number of unbelievable things in a saga like this (i.e., 
what's contained in an organ donor bag/mystery box, the subjects of top 
secret Russian medical experiments ). Naturally, they are the scary 
items that always appear in such dreadful places.
   Father Joe wants to believe that his grotesque past can be the 
subject of redemption if he is being used by God as an extraordinary 
vessel to save a life. Scully wants to believe that using stem cells in 
a dangerous and painful surgery can save the life of Christian, her 
young patient with Sandhoff disease, a terminal brain condition.
   The darkness continues to pull Mulder away from Scully. (What 
"Spooky" Mulder's been doing since 2002 and how his former coworker 
Scully locates him are the true shock of the film.) But it's the story's 
titular "beliefs" and optimism that draw all of its characters into the 
light.

NIGHT LIGHTS
* Debra Messing and Celine Dion will go on with Leno.
* Anne Hathaway is called on her Princess phone by "The Daily Show."
* Khaled Hosseini and Roland Fryer do that thing they do with Stephen.
* Tavis learns how to swing the lead from Tom Jones.

===
TTTTTT ANSWER
Who hosted the pilot for Spy Magazine's prank series? Kevin "Mr. 
Subliminal" Nealon, emceed "SPY TV Pranks" which subjected museum goers 
to an eight-year-old's experimental art, and tried interesting people in 
Bunny Burgers. Waiter, there's a little bit of hare in mine.

===
But the conversation doesn't end here, add your own suggestions or 
discuss mine on the "TV or Not TV" Google list or at TVorNotTV.net. "The 
Remote Patrol" is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear 
Projection, Ltd. Void where inhibited.


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