The Remote Patrol for Twosday, December 2, 2008
by Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings
---

TOM'S TWISTED TOTALLY TRIVIAL TV THINGY
Where did Paul Buchman and Jamie Stemple first meet, and Paul learn he 
was "Mad About You"?
A) A laundromat
B) A newsstand
C) A park bench
D) A hot dog cart
E) A Yankees game

The answer on Wednesday: Not just an Addams Family daughter anymore.

===
8 p.m.
Lori Petty guests on a full "HOUSE" (Fox). A fitness guru has a deep 
dark secret it takes six guesses to diagnose, Foreman attempts to cure 
Thirteen's Huntington's disease, Kutner uses House's name to write a 
medical advice column for a website, Cuddy and House become officemates, 
and the McAllister family accidentally leaves grounded son Kevin in 
their attic in their haste to make a European Christmas Vacation.

TELE-GEBRA
Enya x "Pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum" = "CELTIC 
WOMAN: THE GREATEST JOURNEY : AVAILABLE AT WAL-MART HOLIDAY SPECIAL" (PBS).

Dan Rather lambastes his fellow journalists for not just drinking the 
Flavor-Aid but mixing it too on "THE IFC MEDIA PROJECT" (IFC). You see, 
I would have said "Kool-Aid," but that reference would be humorous but 
inaccurate in its Jonestown origins and ... sorry, just channeling Dick 
Cavett there for a moment.

The "2008 WORLD MUSIC AWARDS" (MyNetworkTV) honors Ringo Starr because 
Paul wouldn't agree to show up without being paid.

"MY SHOCKING STORY" (TLC) documents a face transplant. Not so shocking 
to Nic Cage and John Travolta.

8:40
"GAVIN & STACEY" (BBC America) break up. (Down doobie Hugh Downs, down. 
Comma comma.)

9 p.m.
"AN ACCORDING TO JIM CHRISTMAS" (ABC) will suck.

The piece of music that turns steel vault walls intangible returns on 
"FRINGE" (Fox). Seems like it's a phase they're going through.

Mmm. Maggots. "DIRTY JOBS" (Discovery).

"UNIVERSE" (History) probes "Sex in Space." They better be paying Link 
Hogthrob and Miss Piggy extra for this.

10 p.m.
Olivia has a rape flashback on "LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT" 
(NBC). 'Tis the season.

Lisa Ling lights up in "MARIJUANA NATION"  (National Geographic). Think 
of it as medicinal thanks to her stint on "The View."

Mama Dearest is moving in with "RICK & STEVE: THE HAPPIEST GAY COUPLE IN 
ALL THE WORLD" (Logo).

TELE-GEBRA
* "Cloverfield" + "Tremors" - Bruce Campbell = "NEW YORK EARTHQUAKE" 
(Discovery).
* "Moment of Truth" + "Denny Crane" x "Later with Bob Costas" + 
Stuttering John = "WILLIAM SHATNER'S RAW NERVE" (Biography). Valerie 
Bertinelli and Tim Allen are up in the hot seat this week.

"PARIS HILTON'S MY NEW BFF" (MTV) like totally names her new BFF, who 
will be a special guest on the next episode of "Rosie Live."

This week's menu on "BIZARRE FOODS WITH ANDREW ZIMMERN" (Travel) 
includes ants and rats. No not the Taco Bell in Manhattan, Mr. 
Letterman. He's in Uganda.

===
TV OR NOT TV RECOMMENDS
   "Saturday Night Live - The Complete Fourth Season"
   http://tinyurl.com/tvornottvSNL4
   It's Aykroyd and Belushi's last season. Why not celebrate with a 
cheeseburger and Pepsi? (No Coke.)

===
NIGHT LIGHTS
* Calvin Trillin trills on "The Daily Show."
* Jeffrey Goldberg makes whoopee on "The Colbert Report."
* Quincy Jones is mad about Tavis.
* Kathy Griffin, David Frost, and Colbie Caillat are graceful with Jay.
* Debra Messing, Kevin McKidd, and Akon are willful with Jimmy.

===
TTTTTT ANSWER
Which Saturday morning cartoon was based on a series of Hallmark Cards? 
"The Care Bears" and "Strawberry Shortcake" were both American Greetings 
character sets. 'Twas "Shirt Tales" that cared enough to clog a half 
hour for Hallmark with an orangutan's Bogart impersonation.

===
But the conversation doesn't end here, add your own suggestions or 
discuss mine on the "TV or Not TV" Google list or at TVorNotTV.net. "The 
Remote Patrol" is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear 
Projection, Ltd. All the shows that rock to mock.


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