The Remote Patrol for January 6, 2009
by Thomas Allen Heald, Master of the House, Doling out the Charm
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings

TOM'S TWISTED TOTALLY TRIVIAL TV THINGY
Who costarred with their real-life wife in a sitcom?
A) Scott Bakula
B) Ted Danson
C) Ed O'Neill
D) John Ritter
E) Parker Stevenson

Wednesday brings the right answer, and internal damages.
---

8 p.m.
Remember all the jokes that there so many Dick Wolf shows that there 
would ultimately be "Law and Order: Customs Inspectors"? 
Congratulations: someone took you seriously. I give you "HOMELAND 
SECURITY USA" (ABC) aka propaganda.

"THE BIGGEST LOSER: COUPLES" (NBC) features the show's youngest, oldest 
and heaviest contestants. Eat 'em and weep.

9 p.m.
An 82-year-old rebuilds his home and his life after Hurricane Katrina on 
"FRONTLINE: THE OLD MAN AND THE STORM" (PBS)

"SCRUBS" (ABC) is back with Courteney Cox, the show's tenth new 
timeslot, the show's second network, and ... little interns to replace 
the cast once they all escape to movies ala "Logan's Run" and or "ER."

10 p.m.
The documentary "HELVETICA" (PBS) is, as every review has punned, a font 
of knowledge.

Q.: "PRIMETIME: WHAT WOULD YOU DO?" (ABC) A.: Cut the news division's 
funding if all they're allowed to do with hidden cameras is have John 
Quiñones play Allen Funt.

"SHATNER'S RAW NERVE" (Bio) visits with the Vulcan. Please, Mr. Nimoy, 
no musical duet.

10 P.M.
A prodigal teen returns home but her story makes less sense than an Adam 
Sandler movie's success on "LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT" (NBC).

"WRECKREATION NATION WITH DAVE MORDAL" (Discovery) cures boredom with 
misuse of rope, lawnmowers, cardboard, and alligators.

The gruesome twosome returns with a new season of "NIP/TUCK" (FX). New 
this year: a wheelchair, breast-cancer and community college. And we all 
know what that means.

11 p.m.
The original Geico caveman is back for season three of "10 ITEMS OR 
LESS" (TBS) and turkey bowling.

NIGHT LIGHTS
* Michael Wolff howls on "The Daily Show."
* It's Matt Miller time with Stephen.
* Marisa Tomei correctly identifies Tavis Smiley's car.
* Kevin James, Rebecca Quick, and Erin McCarley cop a plea to Dave.
* Queen Latifah, Adam Carolla, and Pussycat Dolls choose Jay.
* Jimmy chats up Mike Birbiglia.
* Ted Danson and Pauley Perrette damage Craig.
* Kate Hudson, Tim Daly, and Bang Camaro are almost Conan.

===
TTTTTT ANSWER
Who was Avery Brown's daddy? It was at the time multiple choice between 
Scott Bakula and Jay Thomas ... Bakula won and Dan Quayle lost.

But the conversation doesn't end here, add your own suggestions or 
discuss mine on the "TV or Not TV" Google list. "The Remote Patrol" is 
copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear Projection, Ltd.

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