The Remote Patrol for March 18, 2009
by Thomas Allen Heald, Bald for Children's Cancer Research
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings


TOM'S TOTALLY TWISTED TV TRIVIA THINGY
This show's theme song is known as "Temptation Sensation." Name it.
A) "American Idol"
B) "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
C) "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
D) "Nip Tuck"
E) "30 Rock"

The answer when next we meet. Or not.
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7 p.m.
The Tuskegee Experiments face off against the Death Valley Days in NCAA 
MARCH SOCIOPATHY (CBS).

8 p.m.
"UGLY BETTY" (ABC) heads to hiatus with the Sex issue of Mode Magazine.

Bad girl Tess attempts to get Clark to out his superpowers by causing 
their plane to crash on "SMALLVILLE" (CW). I miss the meteor freaks.

SWEEPSPLOITATION GOLDEN GIRL ALERT
Betty White is more of a witch than normal on "MY NAME IS EARL" (NBC).

9 p.m.
A psychic cat who can predict death convinces McWhichever One Patrick 
Dempsey Is to go back to work on "GREY'S ANATOMY" (ABC). And then he 
dies so Izzy can have sex with him.

9:30 p.m.
It's contract negotiation time on "30 ROCK" (NBC) and Tracy is up for 
grabs. Just don't touch his FunCooker.

10 p.m.
"THE CHRIS ISAAK HOUR" (Bio) cranks up the champagne music with Michael 
Bublé.

TELE-GEBRA
"Fame" + "WKRP in Cincinnati" x "Hamlet 2" = "TAKING THE STAGE" (MTV).

Neela leaves the "ER" (NBC), and we all know what that means.

It's been sixth anniversary of Gulf War II. What better way to celebrate 
than with "HEAVY METAL IN BAGHDAD" (Sundance).

TALK TALK
* The Boss visits the Jon.
* The Colbert Report drinks up with John McCardell.
* Jay welcomes President Barack Obama and Garth Brooks and/or Chris Gaines.
* Jimmy Kimmel gives John Cena, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and the Duke 
Spirit a 3/4 nelson.
* Jimmy Fallon names names including Jaime Pressly, Steven Ward, Eric 
Church.

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CORRECTION: Our story on Tom Cruise misstated his height. He is actually 
3'4". We regret the error.

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   But the conversation has just begun, add your own suggestions or 
discuss mine on the "TV or Not TV" Google list or at tvornottv.net. "The
Remote Patrol" is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear
Projection, Ltd., a division of Haslenald, Inc.




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