wow. Godwin's Law applies to Leno/CoCo.
(I paste article here in case the WSJ puts it behind a pay-wall quickly.)
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704375604575023132215883398.html?mod=googlenews_wsj
* JANUARY 24, 2010, 8:07 P.M. ET
NBC Will Regret Appeasing Leno
Conan was the Czechoslovakia of late-night TV.
By JOE QUEENAN
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Cultural historians are desperately seeking a precedent to the Jay
Leno-Conan O'Brien fiasco. They are looking in the wrong places. True,
Pat Sajak, Chevy Chase and Joan Rivers all got axed from late-night talk
shows after shockingly brief stints at the helm, but none of them got
$32.5 million to take a hike. And none of them got replaced by the
person they had replaced. And none of them pouted about getting canned
for general incompetence while millions of their countrymen---who had
not actually failed at their jobs---were unable to find work.
No, the most appropriate parallel to the debacle that has humiliated NBC
took place in central Europe in the late 1930s. It happened at Munich.
Jay Leno, much like Adolf Hitler, is a master of making secret demands
for foreign territory and then acting like the wronged party. First he
pretended that he wanted to annex only the first half-hour of Mr.
O'Brien's "Tonight Show." Here he was mimicking Hitler, who insisted
that he merely wanted to annex the German-speaking Sudetenland, not all
of Czechoslovakia.
Then, adopting the craven British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain as
a role model, NBC stabbed Mr. O'Brien in the back by agreeing to let Mr.
Leno reoccupy the first segment of his old "Tonight Show" slot. NBC's
defense was that Mr. O'Brien had dismal ratings, and the show was a bit
of a mess. But the same can be said about Czechoslovakia, a hodgepodge
cobbled together after the First World War that never really got its act
together.
Returning from Munich, Chamberlain joyously waved a piece of paper in
the air and proclaimed that the accord with Hitler guaranteed peace in
our time. Returning to Burbank, NBC officials expected the same result
from its deal with Messrs. Leno and O'Brien.
Here's where the parallels become even more eerie. In acquiescing to Mr.
Leno's /sotto voce/demands to annex one-half of "The Tonight Show," NBC
thought it could put the whole ugly controversy to rest. Wrong.
Interpreting generosity as weakness, Mr. Leno began to maneuver for
complete control of "The Tonight Show." Here he was again taking his cue
from der Fuhrer, manipulating his outgunned adversary into a position so
humiliating he literally had no choice but to surrender. Just as Edward
Benes(, president of Czechoslovakia, was forced to abandon ship once he
had been betrayed by his erstwhile allies, Mr. O'Brien was forced to
abdicate and cede his entire one-hour program to the man he had
replaced. He did get a significantly bigger going-away present than
Benes(, however.
Today, NBC---much like Chamberlain---is daft enough to believe that Mr.
Leno's demands will now cease. If history is any guide, this is
unlikely. After pocketing Czechoslovakia, Hitler immediately took dead
aim at Poland. Using the same game plan, Mr. Leno will soon go after
"Jimmy Kimmel Live!," which follows "The Tonight Show," quite possibly
demanding that NBC expand "Tonight" to its original 90-minute length.
Just as Hitler sought to return Germany to its prewar stature by
acquiring Austria and the Sudetenland, Mr. Leno will seek to restore
"The Tonight Show" to the mythical stature it enjoyed under his
predecessor. Hitler wanted to be thought of as the second coming of
Frederick Barbarossa. Mr. Leno wants to be thought of as the second
coming of Johnny Carson. Joey Bishop might be more appropriate.
And just as Hitler made his annexation of Austria appear to be the
Austrians' idea, Mr. Leno will need Mr. Kimmel to invite him to assume
command of the show. Perhaps NBC can offer him the same $32.5 million
Mr. O'Brien got, and an extra $10 million not to kick up a fuss. At this
point, who's counting?
Some may say that drawing comparisons between Jay Leno and Adolf Hitler
is unfair. These people have obviously not been paying attention to the
horrible things Messrs. O'Brien and Leno have been saying about each
other the past two weeks. It's enough to make Josef Stalin blush. No,
the more you look at it, the more disturbing the parallels between
today's Los Angeles and yesterday's Munich seem.
NBC probably believes that once Mr. Leno controls both late-night
television and late-late night television, his dreams of global conquest
will be sated. Well, everyone knows what happened in the Danzig Corridor
in 1939.
So if you're anchoring the 11 p.m. news program that precedes "The
Tonight Show," don't get too comfortable. The blitzkrieg is right around
the corner. And you're Poland.
/Mr. Queenan, a satirist, is the author, most recently, of the memoir
"Closing Time" (Viking, 2009).
/
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