Thank you for the dbus-launch idea, here's how it worked for me:
in xfce4 menu Settings / Session and Startup / Application Autostart
Add new
..here you choose a name, e.g. my-nm-applet-kludge, containing command
dbus-launch nm-applet
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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1301158
Title:
nm-applet icon invisible
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